


Laying Out All My Cards

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-08
Updated: 2011-08-08
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 61,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AU, Rachel and Quinn meet as college freshman. Quinn falls for a girl that her roommate is already infatuated with, basically.





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Laying Out All My Cards  
**Author:** Sulkygeek  
**Rating:** PG-13/R. I would say this is fairly wholesome-- some underage drinking with fake ID, but that’s about it. There’s barely any swearing in this, even! Minimal angst  
**Length:** 30531  
**Spoilers:** Through S2, but this is still mostly AU  
**Summary:** AU, Rachel and Quinn meet as college freshman. Quinn falls for a girl that her roommate is already infatuated with, basically.

\--

If Quinn has to hear her roommate rhapsodize about some girl in her stupid music theory class _one_ more time, she’s fairly certain she’ll _explode_ and ideally take Hope out with her.

“She’s just so _cute_ ,” Hope gushes. “I love her. I want to marry her and have a brood of multiethnic children. I’ve always wanted to adopt a child from Ecuador.”

“You haven’t even _talked_ to this girl,” Quinn says irritably.

“I’ve said ‘hi!’” Hope replies defensively.

Quinn sighs. She really likes Hope a lot, but she does not want to hear her gush about this Rachel Berry girl _one_ more time.

It figures Hope, who claims she’s never been attracted to another girl before, would somehow find the one girl on the entire planet she could get it up for in one of her classes. Hope’s a computer science major taking the stupid Music Theory class to satisfy a General Education requirement and Quinn wishes Hope had chosen Ballroom Dancing or The History of War or anything other than this music theory class with a classmate Hope is apparently in love with.

Quinn likes her roommate and considers her a friend, even if she’d only met Hope on Move-In Day at the start of last quarter. But she really wishes Hope would keep her Rachel Berry obsessions to herself. It was cute at first, and now it’s annoying.

Hope seems pretty clueless about the art of secret stalking, so thus far, Hope hasn’t tried to look for this Rachel on MySpace or Facebook. Quinn prays Hope never thinks about it, or else she’d never experience another moment in their shared room where Rachel Berry isn’t the topic of conversation.

Hope is beautiful in that way magazines glorify, but shy and fragile. Quinn was jealous the moment she met Hope for the first time, but protective once Hope opened her mouth. Now, Quinn wants to meet this Rachel Berry to sing Hope’s praises and to plead with Rachel to give Hope a chance and to be kind to her.

\--

They’re leaving their dorm room together early one Saturday morning to go down to the dining hall for breakfast when one of the rooms four doors down opens up-- the Puckerman/Hudson room, Quinn notes. A tiny brunette steps out carrying her high-heeled shoes in one hand. She has a serious case of bed head and is clearly getting ready to do the walk-of-shame.

She quietly shuts the door behind her and with her back still to Hope and Quinn, begins to put her shoes on. She struggles a bit with the straps, but once they’re on, she turns around and spots Quinn and Hope. She meets their eyes and blushes a little, but she smiles, bright and wide.

“Hello… Hope, right?” she says pleasantly. “How are you?”

Hope stares, speechless and agog, until Quinn gives her a sharp elbow to the ribs.

“Hi, Rachel,” Hope manages. “I’m good. How are you?”

Rachel shrugs and laughs softly. “Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed,” she admits, smiling lopsidedly. “But I’m sure I’ll recover, eventually. I feel it is important to recover from abject mortification as quickly as possible because life is too short to be embarrassed for very long.” She smiles warmly at Hope and laughs again. “Right?”

Hope chuckles appreciatively. “Yeah,” she agrees happily.

Rachel looks at Quinn and smiles. “Hello. I’m Rachel.”

“Quinn.”

Rachel smiles again. “I should go, before he…” she points to the door and makes a face. “It was a lamentable lapse in judgment. Copious amounts of alcohol were involved.”

Quinn smiles a bit. “Puck won’t care,” she assures.

“Who’s Puck? The boy I met last night was called Finn. At least he told me he was called Finn.”

Quinn and Hope make faces.

“He’s really tall?” Quinn questions.

“I found the height difference to be intriguing,” Rachel confirms.

“Definitely Finn,” Quinn says, making another face.

Rachel laughs. “He seems very sweet,” she says, feeling the need to defend him, and by extension, her choice in men.

“He is,” Hope agrees. “But he’s…” she trails off, unable to find a diplomatic way of saying ‘he’s a dolt.’

Rachel smiles. “I should get back to my apartment.” She rests a hand Hope’s arm. “I’ll see you in class, Hope” she says, her voice friendly. She smiles again at Quinn. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

Rachel gives a small wave and walks away.

\--

Hope and Quinn sit at a table in the dining hall, which is mostly deserted because despite being ten am, most of the other students in the dorm are still asleep.

“I hate Finn Hudson,” Hope gripes. “I hate him with the fiery intensity of an infinite army of infinite white hot suns.”

Quinn laughs. “He’s not that bad. And she’s really not that cute.”

Actually, despite the bedhead and smeared make-up, Quinn thinks Rachel is darling, but she wants to give Hope a hard time.

Hope slams her fork onto the table in outrage. “She’s _adorable_!”

“I didn’t see the appeal,” Quinn jokes. “And now we know she has terrible taste in men _and_ she’s kind of a skank.”

“Says the girl who hooked up with _Puck_ the first night we moved in.”

“He told me I was skinny!”

“You’re the one with low standards!”

Quinn snorts. “Whatever.” She pauses. “I was just giving you a hard time, Hope. She’s super cute.”

Hope beams. “Yeah.” Hope looks wistful. “Do you think she’d go out with me?”

“You can always ask. She did know your name.”

Hope smiles. “Yeah.”

“And look on the bright side, if _Finn_ could hook up with her, _you_ could probably get her to go out on a date with you.”

Hope looks eager. “Do you really think so?”

“Yeah. And now you’ve talked to her. You’re halfway there.”

Hope grins. “Yeah,” she comments happily.

Quinn feels for her roommate. Hope is beautiful, but crippled by shyness. Quinn blames Hope’s mother, who is a raging _bitch_.

\--

A few days later, Quinn walks into the Young Library rather than using the main library because it’s less crowded. She just wants a quiet place to study and to start on her paper for her History of Western Civilization class. Hope is extremely quiet, but their neighbors on either side are loud, so it’s hard to study in their dorm room.

Quinn looks around for a place to sit, but all the tables are occupied as are all the one-person cubicles.

Quinn is _irritated_ , but then she sees Rachel sitting alone at a table.

She takes a moment to appraise the object of her roommate’s intense infatuation.

Rachel is dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a horizontally striped red and grey V-neck sweater. She has her hair up in a loose bun and has a pair of black-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. She has her laptop in front of her and plugged into her laptop is a pair of large baby blue headphones, which make Rachel look like a little kid playing at being a DJ.

Quinn has to admit the girl looks cute and the way Rachel sits with one leg crossed under her and the other leg dangling and swinging to a beat, Quinn can see the appeal. Still, she doesn’t see anything so special Hope would be so crazy about this girl. She sends Hope a text to let her know the object of her crush is at the Young Library and if Hope wishes to take up stalking, she should come over.

Quinn walks to the table and knocks on the flat surface of the table.

Rachel looks up, momentarily startled, sees Quinn and smiles. She removes the headphones from her head and Quinn can hear Arcade Fire’s “Rebellion” blaring from them.

 _Come on, hide your lovers, underneath the covers. Come on, hide your lovers, underneath the covers_.

Quinn likes the girl a little more now because it’s one of her favorite songs.

“Hello,” Rachel greets pleasantly. “You’re Hope’s friend, right?”

“Roommate. Yeah.” It’s obvious to Quinn that Rachel has forgotten her name. In truth, the meeting was so brief that in any other circumstances, she would have forgotten Rachel’s name, too, but she’s spent seven weeks hearing about the wonder that is Rachel Berry, and so Quinn has no choice but to remember. “Quinn.”

Rachel smiles. “Hi, Quinn. I’m Rachel.” Rachel glances around. “Are you looking for a place to sit?”

“Yeah,” Quinn says. “Do you mind?”

Rachel smiles warmly. “There’s plenty of space.”

“Thanks.”

Quinn sits down, plugs in her laptop and boots it up. When she glances at Rachel, the brunette has already gone back to her work.

Rachel’s head bobs a little to whatever song she’s listening to, and Quinn resists the urge to ask she’s listening to now.

Quinn takes a break from typing up her paper to glance at Rachel out of the corner of her eye and sees Rachel push her glasses up her nose like she’s Clark Kent. Rachel catches her looking, and they both blush and look away. Quinn has to admit-- the girl is _adorable_.

\--

They’re studying for a full ninety minutes without engaging in any kind of conversation, outside of the time Quinn sneezes and Rachel exclaims “God bless you!” with such sincere cheerfulness, Quinn wonders if Rachel thinks they’re in the middle of the Bubonic Plague and “God bless you” is an efficacious spell against death.

Quinn catches movement out of the corner of her eye and sees Hope stumbling slightly to get into the library. She bites her lip in amusement at her roommate’s entire lack of subtlety.

Rachel doesn’t seem to see a thing-- she is intensely focused on her laptop. Quinn is a little disconcerted by the intensity and has checked a few times to see if Rachel is actually focusing on school work or if she’s watching a movie or something. Each time, Rachel’s actually doing school work.

Quinn pretends to look up and catch a glimpse of her roommate.

“Hope!” she shouts, waving to get her roommate’s attention.

People shush her, and Rachel looks distinctly disapproving which diminishes her approval points in Quinn’s mind by _a lot_.

Hope has the biggest grin on her face.

“Hi, roomie,” Quinn greets.

“Hi,” Hope says with a smile. She bites her lip and smiles at Rachel. “Hi, Rachel.”

Rachel pulls the headphones off and smiles. “Hello, Hope. Are you planning to be here for a while? Will you please consider joining us?”

Hope is too eager to sit and Quinn feels like slapping Hope upside the head for being _so_ obvious, but Rachel seems mercifully oblivious to Hope’s obvious crush. Quinn feels a little bad for Hope because the equation of over-eager crusher to oblivious crushee typically equals a crushed heart.

“How are you?” Rachel asks Hope, keeping her voice low to be mindful of the fact they’re in a library.

“Great,” Hope says with a big smile.”How are you?”

“Fine, thank you,” Rachel answers. She’s getting ready to put the headphones back on her head when Hope speaks.

“I didn’t know you wear glasses.”

Rachel blushes.. “I usually don’t,” she says. “Glasses don’t really suit me --”

“I think they do!” Hope says quickly.

Rachel’s cheeks get even pinker. “Thank you,” she says with a wide smile. “In any case, I ran out of contacts and I was forced to wear these, which I typically do not do outside of my walk from my bedroom to the bathroom in the morning. I’m picking up my contacts tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Hope says.

Rachel gives her another smile before putting the headphones on again.  
  
They work independently for another two hours and then Rachel stands up and stretches. “I should get going,” she murmurs as she begins to pack up. “Hope, I’ll see you in class.”

“Bye, Rachel,” Hope says softly.

“Bye Quinn,” Rachel says with a smile before she walks away.

Hope waits until she’s sure Rachel is gone before she speaks to Quinn.

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaims with a big smile.

Quinn rolls her eyes. “You barely talked to her, you big loser.”

“We’re in a library, Quinn,” Hope points out primly.

Quinn snorts derisively. “You geek.”

“She looked so cute! She wears glasses! I love glasses!”

“Oh dear God,” Quinn groans with a sigh. Rachel did, admittedly, look very cute. But Hope’s crush is borderline ridiculous and thoroughly embarrassing.

\--

When the quarter is ending, Hope doesn’t complain about finals. She complains about the fact she won’t see Rachel in class again. Hope has done nothing about her crush on Rachel and Quinn’s patience wears out.

“You need to grow a pair.”

\--

The quarter ends and the dorm closes for Spring Break. Hope goes home to Alabama. Quinn decides to stay in LA with her friends, Santana and Brittany, who share an off-campus apartment. Santana and Brittany aren’t going home to Austin either, although it was more out of choice. The decision to stay in LA was more or less foisted on Quinn-- she hasn’t seen her dad since she was twelve, and her mom is with her aunt taking a much-needed vacation in Greece, so she can’t go home to Texas.

She’s at the Ralphs in Westwood, which has the shittiest parking known to mankind, but she feels the need to pull her own weight for the week she’s staying with her friends. Brittany is reliably sweet and repeatedly tells Quinn she doesn’t have to do _anything_ , except have some fun with her. But when Quinn offers to get some groceries, Santana shushes Brittany protests and says “hell yeah, you owe us and get me some breadsticks while you’re there, bitch.”

Quinn wants to kill her.

\--

Out of pure spite, she’s selecting the cheapest breadsticks she can find, when she spots Rachel Berry pushing a cart, bickering with another girl that looks a _lot_ like her, except slightly taller.

The first thing that pops into Quinn’s mind is “oh, dear God, there’s _two_ of them.”

She pushes her cart toward Rachel and her doppelganger.

Rachel’s doppelganger is speaking. “I mean, what a letdown. You think Darth Vader is a bad ass and it turns out he’s this pasty white guy and later gets played by Hayden Christiensen. It’s upsetting.”

“Shut up about it already!” Rachel exclaims. “It’s still your favorite movie franchise and I do not need to hear about this _every_ time! I am _never_ watching any of those movies no matter how many times you talk about it!”

“Hi, Rachel.” Quinn greets once she is close enough.

Rachel turns and smiles at her, her ire seeming to disappear. “Hello, Quinn,” she greets pleasantly. “How are you? Is Hope with you?”

“Hope went home to Alabama for Spring Break.” Quinn smiles at the girl with Rachel. “I didn’t know you were a twin.”

Rachel and the other girl make displeased faces, but if their intent is to communicate displeasure at being mistaken for twins, the motion only serves to highlight how alike they look because they make exactly the same unhappy face.

“We’re not twins,” Rachel says. “This is my little sister, Audrey. We’re eleven months apart.”

“Your parents were busy,” Quinn jokes.

Rachel gives her a small smile. “It’s a little more complicated than that. It’s a long story.”

“Our mom was the surrogate for her gay dads,” Audrey interjects, her voice a bored monotone which indicates she’s told this story before. “Mom really wanted a baby after her, though God only knows why,” she says, glancing over at Rachel to see Rachel roll her eyes. “So she begged our dads to donate their junk, they did, and I was born. End of story.”

“Maybe not that long,” Rachel concedes. “But still complicated.”

“Do you guys live together here?” Quinn asks, curious, because she remembers Rachel saying she lives in an apartment.

“God forbid. _No_ ,” Rachel says quickly. “She’s just visiting for Spring Break. She’ll be going to UCSD in the fall after she graduates high school. Our mother just needed a break from her.”

Audrey huffs, but Rachel grins and Audrey grins back. Quinn takes a really good look at them and sees there are definite differences between the two sisters and they’re not as identical as she first thought. But the resemblance is seriously uncanny. Quinn suddenly has the mental image of Rachel being carted off to jail in a case of mistaken identity for a crime spree Audrey commits.

“Don’t you live in the dorms?” Rachel asks curiously. “I thought they were closing.”

“They are. They did. I’m staying with friends. My mom lives in Austin,” Quinn explains, “but she went on vacation with my aunt to Greece, and I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. And I didn’t feel like going anywhere else. So I stayed here.”

“Oh,” Rachel nods. “Neat.”

“You know what we should do?” Audrey says to Rachel. “We should have a party. I’ll go get some beer,” Audrey starts to move toward the refrigerated beverages aisle which is only a few feet away.

“Hold it,” Rachel says, reaching out with one hand to grab Audrey by the hood of her sweatshirt and yanking it, ignoring her sister’s outraged yelp. “Forget it. Neither of us are old enough to legally purchase alcohol and I refuse to enable your criminal impulses by looking the other way. You may have criminal exhortations crying out for release, but I do not.”

The image of Audrey as cat burglar and Rachel as the patsy getting pinned for her crimes remerges in Quinn’s mind and she snorts a little.

Audrey hears and catches Quinn’s eye. “She’s a total doofus, right?”

Quinn doesn’t have the hard line to under-age alcohol purchase Rachel clearly does, but she feels the need to stick up for her because Hope is _that_ infatuated with Rachel.

“Actually, I agree with her,” Quinn says. “Sorry. And before you ask. I’m 19. I’m not old enough to buy it either.”

Audrey frowns, but Quinn can see the girl is not really upset.

“Your friends are nerds, too,” Audrey declares to Rachel, but they share easy smiles.

Quinn finds it difficult to take offense when ‘nerd’ is coming from a teenage girl wearing a Star Wars hoodie non-ironically.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel apologizes to Quinn. “She’s like a ravenous animal. I have to keep her fed to make her docile, hence this shopping excursion.”

Quinn smiles. “It’s cool.”

Quinn is a little sister herself, and she grew up idolizing an older sister who never gave her the time of day. Although the age difference between Rachel and her sister is minimal, Quinn can easily see Audrey kind of idolizes Rachel, though it’s clear she’d never admit it.

“Are you coming to Rachel’s thing tomorrow?” Audrey asks Quinn.

Rachel’s cheeks turn red and she elbows Audrey in the ribs.

“Jesus. _What_?” Audrey snaps, rubbing her ribs.

“What thing?” Quinn asks.

“Her show. There’s this all-ages benefit tomorrow night at Club Yes for the Family Violence Project. It’s a toy benefit for the kids in the shelters. Rachel’s playing a set. She goes on at ten.”

“Isn’t that past your bed time?” Quinn snarks at Audrey.

Rachel laughs and Quinn and Rachel share smiles.

“Yes,” Audrey replies, straight-faced. “But I’ll be sure not to drink any liquids, so by the time I get home, I won’t be as likely to wet the bed in my sleep.”

Rachel laughs again, this time a little louder and she affectionately puts her arm around her sister’s shoulder and rests their heads together.

“Forget she even mentioned it,” Rachel tells Quinn.

“She’s really good,” Audrey says, and it becomes obvious she’s the little sister and Rachel is the worshipped older sibling. “It’s all-ages so there’s going to be kids there, but most of them should be gone by the time Rachel goes on. You just have to bring an unwrapped toy and your admission is free. But a good one. Not something stupid like a Nerf ball.”

Rachel laughs again, full of affection and amusement, and Quinn can see what Hope sees in her.

\--

Quinn has no idea what she’s doing in this bar to see Rachel, especially when Rachel never actually extended an invitation. She tries to tell herself it’s for a good cause, and drags Brittany and Santana along with her. Santana’s still grumbling from having to make a pit stop at Toys ‘R’ Us, but she’s happy with any destination that serves alcohol.

Quinn has a fake ID Santana procured for her years ago, back when they were still in high school back home in Austin and she uses it pretty frequently. But she chooses not to use hers that night out of deference for the underage alcohol purchase conversation she had earlier with Rachel and her sister.

Brittany and Santana sidle up to the bar to grab drinks and Quinn drifts off to scope out a space to stand. There are a few tables around in the audience, but they’re all occupied. The place is crowded, the mood is jovial and so Quinn tries not to be too irritated with the fact that people are brushing up against her. Quinn sees Audrey standing off to the side, near the front of the stage and makes her way over.

“Hi.”

“Hi!” Audrey says brightly. “She’s on next.”

“Cool.”

They stand in silence until Brittany and Santana walk up to them. Santana hands Quinn her plain Coke with a look of vague disgust. “Coke for you, you pansy.”

“Who’s the designated driver?” Quinn demands. “I could just leave you behind.”

Santana sticks up her middle finger, puts her arm around Brittany and watches the stage.

\--

Rachel goes on a little after 10pm. She sets up her guitar, does a sound check she finds satisfactory, sets her guitar down and then sits at the piano. She’s accompanied by a brown-haired guy who kind of looks like a tool in his ridiculous hipster hat, skinny jeans and skinny scarf. She introduces him to the crowd as Jesse St. James and considering the crowd’s favorable reaction, it’s clear he’s fairly popular.

\--

Even Santana, who is notoriously difficult to impress, is clearly impressed by the quality of Rachel’s voice. There’s a mixture of original songs and covers and Rachel covers a broad array of songs from current pop hits, Broadway songs and a few songs from the 80’s and early 90’s. But Quinn is most interested in the songs that are clearly Rachel’s own. Rachel switches adroitly between the guitar and the piano, and a few times eschews instruments to sing a cappella.

Rachel and Jesse sound _amazing_ together, and they both look like they were born to perform. They’re talented, charming and no one takes their eyes off them. There’s palpable chemistry and obvious affection between them and Quinn wonders if they’re dating.

When the set finishes, the audience _explodes_ into applause and Audrey claps hard while she jumps up and down.

Once Rachel and Jesse get off the stage, they make their way to Quinn and the others.

Audrey hugs Rachel first, then Jesse.

Rachel smiles at Quinn. “Hello, Quinn,” she says. “You came.”

“You were great,” Quinn tells her sincerely.

“Thank you,” Rachel responds with a bright smile. She eyes her sister with suspicion. “Let me smell your glass,” she says, reaching for it.

“Ew,” Audrey protests, pulling it away. “Gross. It’s just Coke.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit high-strung?” Jesse asks Rachel.

Rachel glares and holds her hand out.

Audrey sighs and hands over the glass.

Quinn finds it hilarious and wishes she could blame that on the alcohol.

\--

They stay for two other performers and then they all end up at a table at a nearby diner. Rachel’s vegan and claims she’s usually too exhilarated after a show to eat, so she sticks to a cup of black coffee. Santana is drunk-eating and therefore wolfs down an enormous Denver omelet and drunkenly challenges the fat guy sitting a few tables over to a nacho eating contest.

It’s not clear what sets her off, but she goes _off_.

“I could out-eat you! Just because you’re a fat ass doesn’t mean you’d be a better competitive eater than me! I could eat the whole fucking cow!” Santana slurs belligerently. “With extra jalapenos and a shitload of guac and sour cream!”

The guy looks mostly bewildered by Santana’s aggression

“Sorry,” Brittany apologizes. She gives Santana a kiss, which mollifies her a bit.

Santana glares at the man she was harassing and hisses like a cat and makes a vague hand gesture that may or may not be a gang sign, but says nothing else.

He’s clearly unnerved and looks away.

Brittany laughs. Audrey looks fascinated, Jesse looks amused, Rachel looks concerned and Quinn is _mortified_.

\--

Quinn asks Rachel questions about herself-- nothing too personal, mostly about her music, but Rachel seems almost _shy_ which is a surprise to Quinn.

“Don’t be fooled, she loves to talk about herself,” Audrey says.

“Agreed,” Jesse adds.

Rachel’s cheeks flush and she gives a small shrug. “Performing is what I’ve always wanted to do,” she says simply.

The more they talk, the more Rachel opens up. Quinn gets the sense Rachel is hesitant because of Santana and Brittany’s presence, but more specifically, Santana’s. It’s probably wise because of all the people Quinn knows, Santana is the most likely to mock someone.

Quinn wants to tell herself she’s asking so many questions so she can report back to Hope, but she finds herself genuinely interested in Rachel’s responses.

This unsettles her.

\--

She finds out an arsenal of information about Rachel.

Rachel is 5’2” (that bit of information given out in a huff after Santana asks her if she’s a legal midget). Her favorite genre of music is showtunes, and her all-time favorite performer is Barbra Streisand. Her favorite movie is _Funny Girl_ followed closely by _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_. Her favorite book is _To Kill a Mockingbird_ and she has a whopping _twelve_ copies, in different editions. She has _terrible_ eye sight. She’s overly attached to her iPhone-- an affliction Quinn shares. She’s from a small town in Ohio and she plans never going back. She’s going to move to New York after graduation to kick start a Broadway career. She is _emphatically_ not dating Jesse St. James. Anymore, that is, primarily because all three of her parents _hate_ him-- a fact he acknowledges with a casual, dismissive shrug.

Her face is expressive, and she gestures a lot with her hands. When she gets excited, which is a lot, her voice squeaks and she stammers a little. She talks _a lot_ and she talks fast-- it makes Quinn head spin. She is sincere and appears painfully incapable of sarcasm. When she laughs really hard, she tends to do so with an open mouth, her eyes crinkling up.

She’s _adorable_ and Quinn has the urge to ask Rachel ‘do you want get out of here?’ like some cliché from a romantic comedy, but she refrains. Quinn’s never done _anything_ like that before, and though Rachel seems safe, she doesn’t feel ‘safe’ enough where Quinn is willing to risk her admittedly fragile self-esteem.

\--

They exchange phone numbers as their evening draws to a close and Quinn feels _really_ guilty even though she hasn’t done anything wrong.

“You guys should come over for dinner tomorrow,” Rachel offers Quinn, Santana and Brittany. “I’m cooking for these two strays,” she says, gesturing to Jesse and Audrey. “And it’s always more fun to cook for a large group.”

“Do you cook as well as you sing?” Brittany asks.

“Almost,” Jesse informs. “She doesn’t do anything as well as she sings.” He pauses and smiles lecherously. “Well, not quite,” he smirks, leering at Rachel and curling a lock of her hair around his left index finger.

Rachel whacks him in the stomach with the back of her hand, Audrey looks thoroughly grossed out, Brittany and Santana laugh and Quinn wants to bash his face in. She doesn’t like him and she doesn’t like the way Rachel and Jesse treat one another so possessively-- as if they belong to each other. Rachel doesn’t seem angry-- she just seems like she’s putting up the front on principle because after she whacks his belly, she rubs her nose against his cheek and smiles when he laughs because of it.

“We're down, we’ll be there,” Santana says, speaking for herself, Brittany and Quinn.

Quinn’s ire vanishes when Rachel claps her hands and softly cheers. Rachel gives Quinn her address and they separate for the evening.

\--

Quinn, Santana and Brittany go to Rachel’s apartment the next day. It’s off Westwood Boulevard, so obviously there is no parking. Santana gripes as she maneuvers her way into an especially tight parking spot.

“The food better be good,” Santana huffs.

\--

The first thing Santana comments on is the telescope in Rachel’s apartment by the balcony.

“What are you, a Peeping Tom?”

Rachel smiles. “Would you like to try to see Uranus?”

Santana laughs. “Maybe. Bend over.”

Quinn wants to murder Santana, but Rachel just laughs.

\--

Rachel is an _amazing_ cook, and they’re already done eating when they realize the entire meal was vegan.

Santana, a long-time devotee to meat and animal by-products, is annoyed.  
  
“I’m taking you for a burger one of these days,” she tells Rachel. “I’m going to make you eat it and I’m going watch while you stuff that shit in your mouth and swallow it.”

Rachel grins at her. “That sounds positively pornographic, Santana.” she teases. “I’m very interested.”

Santana throws her head back and laughs. “You’re welcome to join Brit and me any time, munchkin.”

Rachel smiles, but doesn’t comment. She turns to Quinn and touches the blonde’s inner wrist. It’s a gesture that feels sweetly friendly and intensely intimate. “Quinn, may I get you anything else? May I refill your beverage?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Quinn says.

Rachel is a _genuinely_ nice person. Quinn keeps waiting to find some massive flaw, but she can’t find anything. She’s spent some time with the girl, and Rachel is just _nice_. She’s sweet, a great singer, and a perfect host. She’s attentive, but not overbearing. She listens to what people say and seems genuinely interested. She laughs heartily at everyone’s jokes, and gently at the jokes which aren’t very funny. She tells stories that are embarrassing for her, and laughs good-naturedly as she does, even when she hides her face when the others laugh at her.

Quinn wishes she could tell Hope, “you’re crazy for liking her this much,” but truthfully, she readily sees the appeal. The attention Rachel shows her is dizzying and makes Quinn feel giddy in a way she hasn’t since middle school. Maybe even ever.

\--

On the drive back to Santana and Brittany’s, Santana contentedly pats her full belly at a stoplight.

“She’s cool people,” Santana says simply, which is as complimentary as Santana gets. She smiles down at the leftovers in a Tupperware container resting on Brittany’s knees. “And now we have lunch tomorrow.”

Brittany glances at Quinn through the rearview mirror. “Hey,” she says. “Isn’t she the girl that Hope has a crush on?”

Quinn’s face flushes. Santana turns to look at Brittany, then looks at Quinn through the rearview mirror, sees the truth reflecting on Quinn’s face and immediately begins to laugh uproariously.

Santana may be her best friend, but Quinn hates her sometimes.

\--

When school resumes and Hope returns to the dorms, she _squeals_ in jealousy and elation when she finds out Quinn spent time with Rachel over spring break.

“Did she ask about me?” Hope asks. She looks like a puppy, and Quinn hates to kick her down.

“Well, when we were at the grocery store, she asked me if you were with me. I told her you were home in Alabama.”

“Did she look disappointed?”

‘Not really,’ Quinn thought. But she smiled. “Kind of.”

“Call her and see when her next show is! We’ll go!”

“Maybe,” Quinn says, though the thought of seeing Rachel’s next show is immediately appealing. “How was your visit home?”

Hope’s features darken. “Not so good.” She pauses like she wants to say something else, but then she smiles. “Call Rachel and ask her when her next show is,” she repeats pleadingly.

Quinn remembers Hope telling her the only thing she ever fought with her mother about growing up was her appearance, and the fights were legion. Quinn has seen numerous pictures of Hope as a child because there are framed pictures of Hope with her father during various ages littering Hope’s side of the room. A real daddy’s girl. Hope was a _beautiful_ child, but apparently the big war when Hope was ten revolved around Mrs. Richland wanting Hope to get her eyebrows waxed and Hope balking-- nearly nine years later, and they were still at war although not over eyebrow waxing, since Mrs. Richland won that round. Quinn only met Mrs. Richland once, but the woman made a terrible impression and Quinn hopes she never has to see the woman again. Mrs. Richland sort of reminds Quinn of her own mother, except Mrs. Richland is much worse.

Quinn’s mother never made many comments about her physical appearance, but Quinn went through a really awkward stage between the ages of six through fourteen-- something Quinn’s older sister never had to go through. Quinn can’t look back on that time in her life without wincing and she refuses to look at pictures of herself through those ages. She’s destroyed most of them, and her mother wasn’t even mad when she found out-- the awkward stage had been _that_ bad and embarrassing for both of them. She used to pray to grow out of it, and knows there truly is a God because her prayers were answered.

She feels confident that she’s pretty now, but Quinn can _readily_ remember the vague, but obvious disappointment in her mother’s face every time school pictures showed up-- her awkward glory captured for an eternity and how her parents seemed embarrassed when they were around her in public. Quinn still feels the shame of it very acutely.

So she acquiesces to Hope’s request to call Rachel, in an effort to change the subject and get her roommate’s mind off her crappy visit home because Quinn really does like her roommate a lot and she wants to make Hope feel better. She can really relate to having a less than ideal relationship with a parent, but she feels especially bad for Hope, whose mother always has a way of making Hope feel not pretty enough. At least Quinn’s mother tells her she’s beautiful now, although that could have been more useful when she was younger and desperately needed to hear it, even if it wasn’t true.

\--

Rachel’s next show turns out to be that night, except it’s at a 21-and over club.

“How are you getting in? You’re only 18,” Quinn says with a frown.

Rachel’s laughter is melodic over the telephone. “I’m the talent.”

Quinn rolls her eyes. “I think we can still arrange to be there.”

“I disavow any knowledge of any law-breaking if you get caught,” Rachel says.

Quinn rolls her eyes again. “Well, don’t squeal on us. No one likes a stool pigeon.”

“I may give you up to the long arm of the law in the short-term, but I’d break you and your compatriots out of prison with a clever ruse.”

Quinn laughs. “Deal.”

Brittany, Santana and Quinn already have fake IDs. Santana is Quinn’s contact to obtain anything contraband from fake IDs, faux Coach purses to cheap concert tickets and jail-broken iPhones, so she places a call to get an ID for Hope. It’s way short notice, but if anyone can come through, it’s Santana.

“I’ll figure something out,” Santana says. She laughs gleefully, full of schadenfreude. “I can’t wait to watch you hang out with the girl you’re sweet on when your roommate liked her first.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Quinn hisses into the phone, self-consciously glancing at Hope, who gives her a smile in return.

Santana laughs again, this time even more boisterous.

\--

Rachel performs solo this time, though Quinn spots Jesse in the audience watching Rachel.

Once again, Rachel is such an amazing performer, Quinn doesn’t understand why this girl isn’t already a household name.

Rachel’s own songs are more folk or pop and on this particular evening, she stays away from covering any show tunes. The crowd goes _crazy_ when she announces she’s going to do a cover of ‘Just Like Heaven’ and it’s clear that her cover of the Cure song is a crowd favorite. When Rachel sings ‘ _show me how you do it, and I promise you, I’ll run away with you_ ’ loud and pleading, instead of melodic and woeful like many other female artists who’ve covered the song, she happens to look right at Quinn and it makes Quinn feel a little dizzy. When she finishes the song, she pauses to wink at Quinn. Quinn waves and Rachel smiles before launching into another song.

After her set is finished, Rachel starts to make her way to their table, but she’s stopped by various people who want to talk to her and congratulate her. Rachel is warm and gracious, and it’s wonderful because Quinn isn’t a person who is accustomed to people who are _that_ genuinely nice, but it’s also a little spirit-dampening because Quinn can see immediately she is nothing special to Rachel-- that Rachel is warm with her because Rachel is warm with _everyone_

Rachel makes her way to their table, with Jesse now on her arm. She greets Hope with a wide smile.

“Hope! I trust your vacation was restful. Did you enjoy spending time with your family?”

Hope’s huge smile dims slightly and Rachel notices.

“Family can be complicated,” Rachel says sympathetically, reaching out to rub Hope’s shoulder. She laughs softly. “I should know.”

“Speaking of which, Berry Part Deux isn’t around?” Santana asks.

Rachel frowns. “Certainly not. She’s not 21 yet. Although…” she smiles at them, leaving the _although none of you are either_ unspoken. “Thank you all for coming. I would buy you all a round of drinks, but…” Rachel chuckles and holds up her wrist which has a neon green band around it to denote she’s underage. She addresses Santana. “And Audrey’s last name isn’t Berry, it’s Corcoran like our mother’s.”

Rachel scampers off after chatting for a few minutes to buy them all bottles of water since “appropriate hydration is important when consuming alcohol.”

She’s a _nerd_ , but she’s _so_ endearing, too.

Rachel is attentive to all of them for the rest of the night, while they sit through two other performers, both of whom are pretty good, but not as good as Rachel.

Rachel makes sure they’re all comfortable and runs off periodically to get more bottles of water or glasses of Coke or a fistful of napkins. When the evening draws to a close, she makes sure Quinn is good to drive before she allows them to depart.

She invites them all the next day for another dinner at her apartment, and everyone readily agrees. They agree on a time for the next day when everyone is done with classes and part-time job. A time is set for 7:45pm.

\--


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn doesn't necessarily have any reason to complain about the way she is spending New Year's Eve, but she would rather spend it with Rachel.    
  
Quinn's tried, of course, to talk her mother into letting her go back to LA a little early so she could spend it with Rachel, but her mother balked at the idea of Quinn spending New Year's Eve in LA, so far from home, alone. Quinn did point out she wouldn't be alone-- Rachel would be there, but that didn't seem to comfort her mother very much ('Rachel just turned 19 two weeks ago! She's even more of a child than you are, Quinnie!'). Quinn contemplated reminding her mother that not only is she a sophomore in  _college_ , but she's 19 and a few months from turning 20, which makes her a legal adult. But considering the fact her mother is footing most of the bill for college and also helps with her living costs, Quinn knows it's not the best argument to make.    
  
Santana and Brittany are keeping the touchy-feely stuff to a minimum tonight, at least, in Quinn's eyeline. Quinn keeps hearing Brittany giggle and persistently sees Santana smirk, but Quinn can't prove they're  _doing_  anything. Besides, Brittany is naturally a little giggly and Santana is naturally a little smirky, so that doesn't prove much. Still, Brittany looks a little too happy and Santana a little too self-satisfied for Quinn's liking.    
  
Quinn feels like the third wheel, but they're her best friends and they always do their best to make sure she feels included, including that invitation into their bedroom gymnastics their sophomore year of high school which she refused, then regretted refusing and is now glad she did because she can't look at them as anything other than sisters. She's grateful for friends who always try to include her, but she'd actually prefer sulking alone.    
  
She doesn't really want to be at this ridiculous party hosted at the home of a former classmate she didn't particularly like when they went to high school together, but she's attending because the other option would be to stay at home with her mom and watch the ball drop on TV and then wait for  _The Twilight Zone_  marathon. That actually sounds like a better option to Quinn, but Santana mocks her strenuously when Quinn attempts to beg off.    
  
"How you spend New Year's Eve is how you're going to spend your entire year!" Santana says. "You're already going to spend it not getting any, unless you go home and play with yourself--"   
  
"Santana!" Quinn interrupts with a shriek. She's completely appalled.    
  
"What? We all do it. Guys admit to yanking their shit all the time. Why can't girls admit they do it, too?"   
  
"Well, do  _you_ ?" Quinn shoots back, because she assumes there is no way Santana's actually going to admit to masturbating despite what she just said.    
  
Santana smiles proudly and thumps her chest a little too hard because she winces. "Of course, Fabray." She turns to Brittany and rubs her chest. "Ow, that actually hurt," she laughs. Brittany chuckles and wordlessly reaches out to rub Santana's chest.    
  
Quinn makes a disgusted face. She wonders why she asks questions she doesn't want to hear the answers to.    
  
"But I don't have to do it much," Santana continues, and all Quinn can think is 'make it stop!' but Santana goes  _on_ . "Only maybe when, like, B and I are on periods-- we're synced up, which is fucking awesomely convenient, by the way. And like, I finish before she does. And that's only because  _she_ doesn't want to. I am  _down_  to earn my red wings, if it's with Brittany," Santana says, sticking her tongue out and swirling it in the air lasciviously. Brittany swats her for it, but doesn't say anything.    
  
"Oh my God!" Quinn shrieks, covering her ears. She doesn't even know what 'earning my red wings' means exactly, but she has a pretty good idea from the context and she's so grossed out, she may never ever have sex again.    
  
Santana laughs, totally proud of herself. "Don't be such a wuss, Fabray. Just because we're back home doesn't mean you need to regress."   
  
Quinn huffs, but she knows Santana has a point.   
  
Santana smirks because she knows Quinn knows she has a point. Santana can remember what Quinn was like in high school-- it really wasn't all that long ago, and though Santana thinks her friend can be a total bitch sometimes, their move to LA has done wonders to improve Quinn's disposition. Santana does not want Quinn to regress, particularly since they're consuming copious amounts of alcohol-- Quinn is a  _morose_  drunk, unless Rachel is around, and then Quinn is hilarious. But if one combines Quinn in the setting of her hometown with excessive amounts of alcohol, then surly whining is not far off. And then Quinn gets quiet for a long time, but it doesn't end there, because then comes the crying. Oh, fuck, the  _crying_ . Santana cannot hang with the crying. Not again. She's done her damn duty in high school. She's been paroled, damn it. Santana is  _not_  taking care of drunken, crying Quinn when they're already done with high school. Fuck that. Santana decides it's time to put Quinn in check.    
  
"Look, you're already not going to get any tonight because munchkin is in LA. But you don't have to spend it like a friendless retard. What do you plan on doing if you don't come with us? Play 'All by Myself' on her MySpace page and listen to it over and over again? Cry and sing along and scarf down a gallon of ice cream?" Santana can see by the blush on Quinn's face that it's not a far off suggestion and hell  _no_ , Santana is not going to deal Quinn crying about eating too much on top of everything else. No way. "You're coming with us to Jewfro's party and that's that."   
  
"But we hate Jewfro."   
  
"Yeah, but he has a nice house. So fuck it."   
  
"Yeah," Quinn agrees grudgingly. "Okay."   
  
\--   
  
So Quinn ends up at a party she doesn't really want to go to, but she ends up having fun anyway because she has her two best friends.    
  
Austin is two hours ahead of LA, so as soon as the clock hits midnight in Austin, Quinn pulls her phone out to call Rachel.    
  
Around her, everyone is kissing, and she does feel a little left out, but once she hears Rachel's warm voice in her ear, her insides go all pitifully gooey. It's thoroughly embarrassing and a little infantilizing to date someone she actually likes rather than date a person who is good for her image because Quinn has a mortifying desire to baby-talk to Rachel that she just barely manages to suppress. 'Thank God,' Quinn thinks.    
  
"Hey, gorgeous," Rachel greets. "Happy New Year to you! We're not quite caught up yet."   
  
It's loud on Rachel's end, so Rachel has to practically yell so she can be heard over the din of background noise.    
  
"I know," Quinn says. "I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. I'll call you again in two hours."   
  
Rachel chuckles. "Quinn Fabray, you are very sweet, do you know this?"    
  
It's significantly quieter on Rachel's end and Quinn guesses she must have moved somewhere less crowded    
  
Quinn laughs. "Why do you keep asking me that question? You say it exactly the same way every time, too."   
  
Rachel laughs softly. "I ask because I'm not certain you know. When I'm certain you know, I'll stop asking, Quinn Fabray."   
  
"I wish you could have flown out," Quinn says wistfully. She really wishes she could see Rachel right now. Just hearing her voice is not enough.    
  
"Me too, but I have this show…"   
  
"I know," Quinn says quietly.    
  
But it's still disappointing. Originally, they planned for Rachel to visit Quinn in Austin for New Year's Eve, since Rachel wasn't going to go home to Ohio for the holidays. But then she was booked for a New Year's Eve show at a local club and the money and publicity were far too much to pass up, so Rachel apologetically canceled and Quinn couldn’t get her mom to agree to let her go back to LA early. Quinn's still a little miffed, though she would never admit it, because Rachel has played at that club plenty of times before, and though the venue is really popular, it's also really small and Quinn doesn't think it would have hurt Rachel all that much to pass on it.    
  
"Don't be disappointed, honey," Rachel pleads quietly. "You're coming back to LA in a few days and we'll see each other then. We'll have a belated New Year's Eve, just the two of us. I'll toast you with champagne and kiss you senseless. Then we can talk about making resolutions and pretend we haven't broken them already. This is actually a very good idea because we'll have a fresh start on our resolutions."   
  
Quinn laughs. "That sounds great, baby," she says sincerely. "I'll let you go. I'll call you around midnight your time, okay?"   
  
"I'll be on stage," Rachel says softly. "I go on at 11 and I'm supposed to play until the countdown and then start up again afterward. But I'll find a way to sneak off at the countdown. Guile and subterfuge are two things I excel at, you know."   
  
Quinn snorts. "Sure," she patronizes. But she thinks Rachel is delusional-- subterfuge, maybe. But guile? No way.   
  
"Happy New Year, sweetheart," Rachel says. "I can't wait to talk to you again for the last time this year, except in my time zone."   
  
"Happy New Year," Quinn replies softly.   
  
\--   
  
Quinn is pretty drunk and hanging around in Jacob Ben Israel's kitchen with Brittany and Santana eating bologna sandwiches on slightly stale bread in a futile effort to sober up. Jewfro is passed out on his parents' couch. Quinn feels a little bad for Jacob's parents that their house basically got destroyed by this party, but she uncharitably thinks maybe they'll be glad because they'll think he actually has friends. Jacob's parents aren't due back to Austin for another week from the Caribbean, so Jewfro has plenty of time to clean up.    
  
Quinn's angry with herself and with Brittany and Santana because they should have discussed the designated driver situation ahead of time, but none of them anticipated getting as drunk as they are. Plus, though none of them will admit it, they've all gotten used to a life in LA where they have Rachel, who rarelydrinks, and is always willing to be the designated driver with a big smile after handing out plastic bags to each of them to vomit into, just in case.    
  
Most of the food in the house is gone, leaving them with the sole option of eating these sad, pathetic sandwiches. In an effort to cheer them up, Brittany used mustard to make happy faces on the bologna before putting on the other slice of bread. It did nothing to cheer Quinn up, even if Santana laughed heartily and then smooched Brittany's cheek, like, a zillion times for it.    
  
"I bet Rachel would make us something really good if we were there," Quinn laments.   
  
"Fuck her vegan bullshit," Santana slurs. "Gimme a piece of meat any day," she says, taking a viciously large bite of her sandwich. "How is munchkin anyway?"   
  
"She's good," Quinn says. She looks at the phone in her lap. It's nearly 2am, which means it's nearly midnight in LA. "Actually, I should call her."   
  
Quinn steps away from the table and heads toward the sink for a little privacy. When she calls Rachel, it rings a few times, but it goes to voicemail.    
  
She's filled with disappointment when she heads back to the table and sits down.   
  
"She's on stage right now," Brittany comforts. "And you know how Rachel is about phone properties."   
  
"Propriety," Quinn and Santana correct absently. And it's true-- Rachel is always going on about phone propriety. Quinn's learned to tune that out because she doesn't exactly agree with all of Rachel's fairly rigid points on cell phone etiquette, but she'd give anything at the moment to hear Rachel go off on one of her tangential rants in person right now.   
  
A few minutes later, Quinn's phone rings.    
  
She visibly brightens, because it's Rachel. Santana mocks her for it.   
  
"You look like an idiot," Santana jeers. "You have that retarded ass smile on her your face, Special Needs. Does Quinnie need an IEP?" Santana asks in saccharine-sweet sing-song, drawing out the 'p' sound.    
  
Quinn gives her a dirty look, but doesn't pause to snipe back because she has more important things to do. In her mind, she can almost hear Rachel scolding Santana about being insensitive toward people with developmental delays and children with needs for an Individualized Education Plan.    
  
"Hi!" Quinn greets.   
  
"Hi!" Rachel says, sounding breathless. She's yelling, but Quinn can barely hear her over the background noise. "I'm so sorry I missed your call earlier! I was behind schedule and I was finishing up my last song! I'm so glad I got to talk to you before the end of the year!"   
  
"I'm so glad we did, too," Quinn says "How's your set so far? I bet you're doing great."   
  
"I am quite awesome," Rachel agrees. "I wish you could be here though."   
  
"Me too," Quinn says with a laugh, because Rachel's confidence-bordering-on-arrogance amuses her.    
  
In the background, Quinn can hear the countdown start.    
  
When they get to 'five,', Rachel and Quinn start counting down together.    
  
"Five, four, three, two, one…"   
  
"Happy New Year," Rachel says softly.    
  
Quinn can barely hear her over the exuberant shouts of the crowd on Rachel's end of the telephone line.   
  
"Happy New Year," Quinn replies.   
  
"I love you," Rachel murmurs quietly.   
  
Quinn swallows hard. She likes Rachel a  _lot_ . She's pretty sure she's falling in love with her, but they haven't been dating for very long and she's not sure she can say 'I love you' back and actually mean it, even though she's fairly certain she really does love Rachel.    
  
This is the first time either of them says "I love you," and though it's one of the most joyous moments of Quinn's life, it makes her panic a little, too, because there's this  _silence_  like Rachel is waiting for her to say it back, and what if Rachel has some 'what-the-fuck' expression on her face the way Quinn has a 'deer in the headlights' expression on her face, and it all seems like something out of a stupid movie or something, except this is Quinn's  _life_  and  _oh God_ …Quinn is starting to hyperventilate. She's going to ruin everything.    
  
"Oh no, I have to go," Rachel says, saving Quinn. "I have to get back on stage. I'll see you when you come back to LA, gorgeous. I can't wait to see you! Give Brittany and Santana my love! Tell them Happy New Year for me!"   
  
"I can't wait to see you either!" Quinn says quickly, trying to fit it in before Rachel hangs up, because at least  _that_  much she can manage. She's not sure Rachel hears her though because the call disconnects right after.    
  
\--   
  
The conversation throws Quinn into a tailspin of insecurity. She starts having paranoid thoughts Rachel will think not saying 'I love you' back is an indication she's uninterested (untrue) and this will make Rachel want to find someone else, so that by the time she gets her ass back to LA, Rachel will already have moved onto someone else-- someone who will say "I love you, too." Quinn is fairly certain there is a throng of people ready to declare their love to Rachel.   
  
She rummages through Jewfro's cupboards and finds a hoarded bottle of wine and immediately searches for a bottle opener. She knows it's a stupid idea to drink when she's stressed, but she does it anyway.    
  
"What the fuck is the matter with you? Did you get munchkin pregnant or something?" Santana jeers when Quinn returns to the table, already swigging wine. Santana yanks the bottle away from Quinn's lips and brings the bottle to her own, taking a long gulp.    
  
'Oh Christ,' Santana thinks, mentally face-palming. Because she can spot one of Quinn's depression-fueled binge drinking episodes coming a mile away and she hopes she can cut Quinn off at the pass.    
  
"We haven't even had sex yet," Quinn says absently. She immediately regrets it, because that isn't something she wants Brittany and Santana to know. And oh  _no_ , that is yet another thing she hasn't given Rachel. 'She's so dumping me!' Quinn thinks.    
  
"What?!" Brittany and Santana shriek at the same time, clearly horrified.   
  
"Dumb ass!" Santana exclaims, slamming her hand on the table. Quinn is far stupider than Santana thought. "I would bang that piece of ass twenty million ways from Sunday. Holy shit. I'd bang that hot piece of ass like a drum, and then I'd bang her  _up_  the ass! The  _things_  I would do to that sweet ass. You wouldn't believe it." Santana licks her lips. "I would love for just an hour with her. Jesus, I'd make her pop like a fucking bottle rocket and launch her into space."   
  
"Santana!" Quinn shrieks, feeling violated.    
  
At the same time Quinn shrieks in outrage, Brittany raises an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" she asks Santana calmly. "You would?"   
  
Santana winces, knowing she went too far. She doesn't care so much about offending Quinn-- it's all in good fun anyway. But she does not want to catch hell from Brittany. She laughs nervously. "Hypothetically. Theoretically. A theoretical hypothetical, Brit," she says with an innocent smile in an attempt to backtrack.    
  
Brittany snorts. "It's okay, S. I'd fuck Rachel, too. She's hot. I bet you she'd make the best sex sounds. We already know she makes a lot of noise. I bet you singing is the  _second_  best thing she could do with that mouth. And those  _lips_ …" Brittany trails off and her face takes on a faraway, dreamy expression before she looks at Quinn quizzically. "Why haven't you slept with her yet?" she asks, looking utterly confused. "I would have married her and spent every night sitting on her face by now."   
  
"Hey!" Quinn practically shrieks, outraged and offended. "That's Rachel you're talking about!" It takes her a while to find her voice because she's utterly speechless from the way her friends speak about Rachel. But now that she's found it again, she's practically apoplectic with rage. "I will kill both of you! I will eat your families!"   
  
"She's still a hot piece of ass," Santana points out. "And we were talking hypothetically, so don't get your titties all tangled up."   
  
" _I_  wasn't speaking hypothetically," Brittany says, blinking blankly. "I really would have sex with her. S, you wouldn't mind if munchkin joined us, right?"   
  
Santana grins wolfishly. "No." She licks her lips at the thought and she looks decidedly faraway. She looks like she's enjoying her own thoughts for too much for Quinn's liking.    
  
Quinn is ready to  _punch_  Santana when Brittany addresses her.   
  
"Would you mind, Quinn?"   
  
"Yes! Brittany! God!"   
  
"Well! You aren't having sex with her!" Brittany says defensively. "What if her boobs feel unloved? I could make them feel extra loved."   
  
Santana grins lecherously and fondles her own breasts. "Yeah, you could!" she says with a knowing grin. "You always make mine feel loved, baby."   
  
Brittany grins widely. "I love it when you're drunk, S. You get all horny and start touching yourself. It's less work for me."   
  
Santana pouts. "Just for that, when we get home, I'm just going to lie there."   
  
Brittany frowns. "But you like wrapping your legs around my head, San, and when you do that, you  _can't_  just lie there. It's physics, you have to wiggle. And you like smashing your--"   
  
Quinn senses what Brittany is going to say and immediately covers her ears. " _Oh_  my  _God_  ," Quinn says. "Oh my God! My mind needs bleach. I need to take a shower in  _holy water_  tonight. Don't you dare finish that sentence, Brit!"   
  
Brittany ignores her. "Smashing your lady parts into my face so I can give it sweet lady kisses," Brittany tells Santana. "So you  _can't_  just lie there! Wiggle, Santana! It's physics! You can't control physics!"   
  
"Oh my God!" Quinn shrieks.    
  
Santana explodes into laughter so intense, she nearly falls off the chair. "I love you, B. Jesus H. Christ, marry me."   
  
"I love you, too, S. And of course we're going to get married one day."   
  
That gets Quinn out of her grossed-out haze and makes her morose again. It's so easy for Santana and Brittany to say that to one another-- "I love you." They do it without fear and Quinn envies them so much for it. Quinn's never told  _anyone_  'I love you,' not even a family member. It's just so easy for them and Quinn doesn't get how it's so easy for some people and so hard for her. She doesn't necessarily want it to be  _easy_  for her, she just wants it to be easier than  _this_ . She wishes she'd been able to say it back. She wishes it were as easy for her as it seems for Brittany and Santana.    
  
But then again, Santana and Brittany have been together  _forever_ \-- since fifth grade. Quinn didn't even know them then, but she saw their yearbook from when they graduated primary school and in Brittany's yearbook, Santana scrawled, "one day I'm going to marry you," and in Santana's, Brittany wrote "I know. Sweet lady kisses forever." And here they were-- so maybe it gets easier with time, but Quinn has no frame of reference for comparison.    
  
"Q," Santana says softly, seeing the unhappy expression on Quinn's face. "Seriously. What's up? Did that fucking hobbit break up with you?" she asks, her voice rising. Santana immediately assumes the worst. "Shit! Let's kick her ass! Once we beat her up, that ass won't be so sweet anymore, that little fucking hobbit! I knew she'd break up with you! Fuck!"    
  
"She didn't break up with me!" Quinn snaps. "God, why did you assume  _that_ ? And what do you  _mean_ you knew she'd break up with me? She didn't break up with me!"   
  
"Well…" Santana says. "If I were dating you and you weren't putting out,  _I'd_  break up with you. Munchkin isn't as uptight as you are. You can tell just by looking at her, she'd be down for anything. She probably wants you to put out, Q."   
  
"You're just a whore!" Quinn snaps. But that truly hits a sore spot.    
  
"Prude."   
  
"Slut."   
  
"Bitch."   
  
"Guys, can't we all just get along?" Brittany interrupts, always the mediator between her girlfriend and their best friend. "Quinn, seriously, what's  _wrong_ ? Tell us. We love you. And we promise to only make fun of you behind your back."   
  
" _You_  love her," Santana corrects. " _I_  just tolerate her because you collect strays. I'm cool with it as long as you stick to Quinn and don't bring home any puppies or kittens."   
  
Brittany swats at Santana's belly. "Shut it, S."   
  
Santana chuckles, grabs Brittany's hand and holds it. "I'm holding onto this," she tells Brittany. "It's mine now. I can do whatever I want with it."   
  
Brittany grins. "Then why isn't it in your pu--"   
  
"Shut it!" Quinn shrieks, cutting Brittany off. Quinn covers her ears with her hands.    
  
Brittany and Santana laugh and they each scoot closer to Quinn and simultaneously press kisses to Quinn's cheeks.   
  
Quinn gives them both dirty looks, but then grins and pulls her hands away from her ears. "Ugh, you both have bologna breath," she teases. She points at Santana. "And you ate onions!"    
  
Santana rolls her eyes. "I did not, they were scallions. And seriously, Q. What's going on?"    
  
Quinn takes a deep breath. "Rachel told me she loves me."   
  
Santana and Brittany look at her expectantly. When Quinn goes no further, their expressions become blank.   
  
"And that's a problem because…?" Brittany trails off.   
  
"Oh, shit.  _You_  want to break up with her?" Santana asks. "You cow!" Santana hopes to God that Rachel and Quinn never break up because Quinn is so much more tolerable with Rachel around.    
  
"What?!" Quinn yelps. "No! Of course not! It's just…I didn't say it back to her. She didn't say anything about it, but…" she trails off uncomfortably.    
  
"Well, why didn't you say it back?" Brittany asks gently.   
  
Quinn stares down at the table. Because it feels too soon. They've only been dating since Thanksgiving, and they've spent a significant time apart because of Winter Break. It feels too soon because Rachel really doesn't know her that well yet, and Quinn is terrified by the idea that if Rachel truly gets to know her, Rachel would come to realize she doesn't love her. The thought of Rachel taking back "I love you" is worse than Rachel never saying it at all. But Quinn doesn't want to admit this to her friends, even if it would be nice to have someone to talk about this with. So, after a moment of quiet, she shrugs. "I don't know," she says softly. "But what if she's pissed that I didn't say it back and she's going to find someone else now?"   
  
Santana snorts. "You insecure dumb ass. Jesus H. Christ, what is wrong with you?"   
  
Quinn glares at her because Santana looks completely exasperated and judge-y."Excuse me?"   
  
"Do you really think she's going to find someone else now that she told you she loves you? It's not like she said it right before she was putting the moves on you since you probably wouldn't have put out anyway. Don't be stupid. You shouldn't be so insecure about that shit anyway, you should be more insecure about the fact that you're turning into a heifer because munchkin's always feeding you."   
  
Santana can't stand it when Quinn gets this way-- all long-faced and solemn, and looking five seconds away from bursting into tears, at the very edge of 19 year old sanity. Santana tries her best to maneuver Quinn away from these moods because once Quinn gets into them, it's so hard for Quinn to get out of them.    
  
Quinn's hands instinctively go to her stomach. "Shut up. You sow."   
  
"Quinn," Brittany says softly. "She loves you. It's, like, really obvious."   
  
"I'm almost embarrassed for her," Santana says. "She looks like a functional fucking retard around you with that stupid moony expression and those cow eyes." She pauses. "Except I love you, morose motherfucker, and you deserve someone who loves you," Santana adds gruffly. "Even if it is some raggedy ass midget with a sweet ass," Santana jokes with a grin, because Santana cannot handle being this emotional with anyone other than Brittany.   
  
Quinn smiles. "What was that?" she teases, because Santana is so rarely soft with her and she honestly loves it when Santana is, because she really feels like their friendship is genuine. She considers Santana and Brittany as members of her family, and it's nice to get confirmation the feeling is mutual.    
  
"Shut it," Santana says. "And anyway, the difference between me and the midget is that she'd probably sleep with you. I wouldn’t go down on you for a million dollars. I wouldn't poke you with a cattle prod."   
  
Quinn blushes. "Shut up!"   
  
"Listen," Santana says. "I love you, you dumb blonde. And don't play Helen Keller and make me say that shit to you again. Rachel is good people. I'm glad she said that to you, because I know she meant it." Santana sighs and her voice softens. She puts her hand over Quinn's and squeezes in a rare moment of tenderness toward someone else not named Brittany Susan Pierce. "You were a sad bastard back in high school, Q. You dated all those dumb jocks you didn't even like because that's what you were supposed to do. You're finally happy now. You have that stupid dopey smile on your face all the time like you're Gilbert fucking Grape. Jesus H. Christ, don't fuck it up by being your usual insecure self."   
  
"Yeah," Quinn says quietly."I know."   
  
Despite the fact they were trying to sober up, hence the whole reason they're in Jewfro's kitchen eating disgusting bologna sandwiches, they kill the bottle of wine together because they're all maudlin by this point.   
  
"San," Brittany says suddenly. "What does the H in Jesus H. Christ stand for?"   
  
"Hashimoto," Santana says. "He's half Japanese."   
  
Brittany, Santana and Quinn explode into laughter and Quinn feels the overall mood lift.    
  
\--   
  
It's three am and they're all still trying to sober up when Quinn's phone rings. It's her sister, Zoey, so Quinn picks up.   
  
"Hi," Quinn greets, surprised by the phone call. Her sister never calls her. In fact, since Quinn's been home for Winter Break, they've only seen each other on Christmas. "Happy New Year, Zoey."   
  
"Where are you? Mom just called me asking if I heard from you. She's worried you got into an accident or something."   
  
"I'm with Santana and Brittany at a party. It's New Year's Eve," Quinn says defensively. "She knew I was going to be home late."   
  
"Well, you know how mom gets paranoid when you're out on holidays like this. You should have gone home."   
  
"We're trying to sober up," Quinn admits quietly. "We might have to sleep here for a while." She makes a face at the thought of being horizontal on any surface in Jewfro's home. Maybe she can just sleep in this chair.    
  
Zoey sighs. "Where are you?" she asks. "Dan and I are driving home and we're both sober. We'll make sure you guys get home safe. Did you all just take one car?"   
  
"Yeah," Quinn says.   
  
"Well, hurry up and tell me where you are. Christ, Mom is calling me  _again_ . Hurry up."   
  
\--   
  
It only takes twenty minutes for Zoey and Dan to show up. Dan drives his car and follows Zoey, who drives Santana's mom's car. They drop Santana and Brittany back at Santana's parents' house and then Zoey and Quinn get into Dan's car and drive to the Fabrays house.    
  
To Quinn's surprise, Zoey gets out of the car with her.    
  
"I'm going to hang with Quinn and my mom today," Zoey tells Dan. "I'll call you later so you can pick me up, okay?"   
  
"Sure," Dan says. "Good seeing you, kiddo," he tells Quinn.   
  
"You, too. Happy New Year."   
  
He smiles. "Happy New Year, Quinn. I really think good things are going to happen for you this year, kiddo."   
  
"Thanks, Dan," Quinn says quietly.    
  
It makes Quinn sad that her sister's boyfriend is nicer to her than her sister is.   
  
\--   
  
Zoey follows Quinn into the house and gently pushes her toward the stairs. "I'm going to let mom know we're here," she says, pointing toward their mother who is sleeping on the couch in the living room. "At least go brush your teeth."   
  
"Okay," Quinn says.   
  
\--   
  
Quinn showers and brushes her teeth. She dries her hair and lies down, intending only to rest her eyes for a bit before she goes downstairs to the interrogation that inevitably awaits her.   
  
But she falls asleep.   
  
\--   
  
When she wakes up, she smells strong coffee brewing and food cooking. She brushes her hair back into a ponytail and goes down the stairs.    
  
It's 10am.   
  
Her mother and sister are in the kitchen.   
  
"Hi honey!" Judy greets. "Your sister is going to join us today! I'm just finishing up breakfast, I thought we could all sit down and watch  _The Twilight Zone_  marathon while we eat."   
  
Quinn smiles at her. "That'd be great, mom."   
  
After their father left when she was 12, and her sister had to leave BU to come home to Texas,  _Twilight Zone_  marathons on New Year's Day became tradition in their home. Quinn didn't particularly care for it, but her sister was a  _huge_  fan. Zoey was such a big fan, in fact, that she stayed home to watch it, despite a multitude of better offers. It was the one time of year Quinn could really count on to spend time with her sister, whom she idolized, but had no idea how to approach. After her sister moved out on her own, their mother tried to make the tradition continue with just Quinn, but Quinn didn't like it enough and it died out after a few feeble marathon-viewings.    
  
But with her sister here, Quinn is more than willing to watch. There are a few episodes she really likes, and she hopes she hasn't missed them already.    
\--   
  
She spends the day with her mom and sister lounging on the couch watching the marathon.    
  
Quinn can see their mother is just as bewildered by Zoey's presence in the house as she is, but Quinn can see how happy her mom is to have both of them there. Beyond the elaborate breakfast, she also makes an elaborate lunch  _and_  dinner to celebrate the fact she has both her girls home.   
  
They're eating dessert after dinner in front of the TV, when her sister finally makes her reasons for being there known.   
  
"Dan asked me to marry him and I said yes," Zoey says, pulling the ring out of her purse and slipping it onto her ring finger. "He asked me last night."   
  
Their mother  _squeals_  and once their mother is finished hugging Zoey fiercely, Quinn gives Zoey a hug of her own.   
  
She's really happy for her sister. Dan is a good guy and her sister's been dating him forever. He's so different from their father-- Dan readily admits to being a "girly man," but Quinn is certain this is why her sister loves him and why she and their mother both like him. He's 6'3" and sturdily built, but he's such a teddy bear. He's just so different from their father and Quinn is really glad her sister is with a man like him, just like she's glad she's met someone like Rachel.    
  
Once the excitement dies down, things get a little more serious.   
  
"We'll have to find your father to let him know," Judy murmurs.   
  
Zoey scowls. "Mom, no. He's not invited."   
  
"Sweetheart--"   
  
"No," Zoey says. "If he hasn't bothered to call us in almost eight years, there's no reason to believe he's going to care I'm getting married. He's not going to care, and I'm not going to bother."   
  
"I still think we should try to find him. It's not that I want him there, Zoey. I'd obviously prefer if he weren't. But you may regret not inviting him and I don't want you to look back on your wedding day with any regrets."   
  
"Mom, I'm not searching for him. And I'm marrying Dan, so there won't be any regrets."   
  
Quinn and Zoey exchange a look. They both know their father is back in town, but it's obvious their mother doesn't and they both already know where he lives. If either of them wanted to talk to him, it would be fairly easy to initiate contact, but neither of them are going to bother considering their father never bothered to reach out to them. Quinn wishes that didn't bother her as much as it does even as she suspects she's better off without him.   
  
"Zoey, he's your father, and fathers are important," Judy reminds mildly.   
  
"No way," Zoey says. "He's not invited. I don't want him at my wedding. And fathers aren't that important, because we've all been better off without him." She looks at Quinn. "Back me up on this, nugget."   
  
"Quinn?" Their mother asks. "You wouldn’t want your father at your wedding either?"   
  
Quinn feels caught because they're both  _looking_  at her and she's torn because actually, she would like her father at her wedding, but she knows she's pretty far from getting married. But at the same time, she knows where her sister is coming from. She has a lot of mixed feelings about her father and she's torn between her mother and her sister.    
  
"Quinn," Zoey says impatiently. "If you decide you want to marry that girlfriend of yours, are you seriously saying you'd want  _dad_  there? Seriously?"   
  
"Quinn?" her mother asks, sounding a little alarmed. "Are you and Rachel getting that serious? Quinn! You and Rachel are only sophomores in college. That's far too young to get married. I made the mistake of marrying your father when I was far too young and I won't have you making the same mistake. I realize Rachel is a very lovely girl, but you've only just started dating her and--"   
  
" _Mom_ !" Quinn exclaims, mortified. She starts thinking about Rachel telling her 'I love you' and her inability to say it back, and she's depressed again. "Rachel and I are just  _dating_ ."   
  
"Oh, thank God," her mother mutters, relaxing. "I don't regret anything with your father-- I have to thank him for you two girls, but I wish I'd found my own way instead of attaching myself to him. Zoey has her own life separate from Dan. I just want you to have a life separate from Rachel's or anyone else you choose to date. Does that make sense?"   
  
"Sure, Mom," Quinn mutters. "Can we get back to Zoey now, please?   
  
"I'm not inviting dad to the wedding," Zoey says. "Forget it."   
  
"But who's going to walk you down the aisle, honey?"    
  
Zoey snorts. "You think I'd let him walk me down the aisle? If he shows up at my wedding, Dan's father will chase him  _up_  the aisle with a shotgun. God. No way. Mom, how can you even suggest we tell him? He was  _horrible_  to all of us. We're all better off without him and I'm not rocking the boat by looking for him. He is  _not_  walking me down the aisle. I'll ask Uncle Heath to do it. Or you could do it, Mom."   
  
"Me?" Judy asks, clearly startled.   
  
"Sure," Zoey says with a grin, calming down after her rant. "If my sister is a lesbian, then my mom can walk me down the aisle."   
  
Quinn's cheeks blaze. "I'm not a lesbian!" she exclaims.   
  
Zoey snorts. "Please, little nugget. We all knew you liked girls before  _you_  did. I'm just glad you finally figured it out. I was going to give you until you graduated college and if you hadn't found a girlfriend by then, I was going to throw you in the trunk of my car and drive you to San Francisco during their Pride Weekend."   
  
"Zoey!" Judy scolds. "Stop teasing your sister."   
  
"Who says I was teasing?"   
  
Quinn's cheeks are warm. "What do you mean you all knew?"   
  
"Well…" Judy says, trailing off.   
  
"Mom asked me your freshman year of high school if I thought you were into girls," Zoey says bluntly. "I've thought you were into girls since you were four when you had a crush on Janie. Do you remember her? She was my best friend when I was in middle school. You would try to come into my room any time she was over."   
  
"I did not have a crush on Janie! God!" She turns to her mother. "Mom!" Quinn exclaims, outraged. "You asked her…" Quinn trails off. "Geez!"   
  
"You just seemed so  _unhappy_  with boys, honey," Judy says softly. "And you were always staring at Brittany and Santana when they were over. And well, I do remember you seemed very fond of Janie."   
  
"And Tanya," Zoey adds. "My best friend in high school. And Laurie the babysitter. And Claire, that little kid who lived next door to us, remember her? But the Duffys moved to San Diego."   
  
"Oh," Judy says, struck with a sudden memory. "And you were very fond of your preschool teacher, Ms. Larson."   
  
Quinn pouts. "I wish you'd just asked me!"   
  
This is so mortifying. She can't believe she was so transparent.    
  
Judy pauses. "I was afraid the answer would be yes," she admits.    
  
A lump rises in Quinn's throat and her eyes well up. "I thought you said you were okay with it," she says softly. She hates herself for being such a crybaby. She's legally an adult and she feels like her mother's approval shouldn't be  _that_  important.    
  
"I  _am_ ," Judy assures, running her fingers through Quinn's hair, wincing when Quinn flinches. "It's just going to take me some time to get used to. It's not what I wanted for you, Quinn. I can't lie about that. But she seems like a very sweet girl. All I ask is that you to take your time with her and not commit so quickly. You're both so  _young_ ."   
  
Quinn sniffs. She's always been too sensitive when it comes to her parents, and her mother is the only parent she's known for nearly eight years. She knows her mother is right-- she and Rachel have this unspoken agreement to take things slow, and because of it, they haven't agreed to be monogamous and they haven't slept together yet. But Quinn has the immature instinct to call Rachel and propose simply because her mother told her to not commit so quickly.    
  
"Okay," Quinn says quietly.   
  
It's really the best she can have, but it still makes her sad that it's something her mom needs to 'get used to.' All in all, Quinn can't complain about how she's spending New Year's Day, but she just wants to get back to LA and back to Rachel because really, at the moment, she could really use the feel of Rachel's arms around her.    
  
Her sister gives her a rare hug before Dan comes to pick her up to take her home. "Don't let Mom get you down," Zoey whispers into her ear. "This is your life, not hers."   
  
\--   
  
When Quinn finally goes back to LA a couple days later, she takes a flight with Brittany and Santana. Rachel picks them up from the airport.    
  
Quinn is so happy to see her, she wants to kiss Rachel senseless, but she refrains.   
  
"Hi, beautiful," Rachel greets Quinn, pulling the blonde into a tight hug. Rachel nuzzles Quinn's neck. "How could you have just disembarked from a plane filled with recycled air and still smell so delicious," she murmurs in Quinn's ear. "Are you even human? It seems impossible because you are far too perfect."   
  
Quinn blushes. "Hey, gorgeous," she whispers. "I really missed you."   
  
Quinn finds Rachel's verbosity a little curious, but she adores it. Rachel gets quiet sometimes which Quinn has come to realize is not necessarily an indication anything is wrong, though there's a good chance something is. She still finds Rachel's silence a little disconcerting. Quinn comes from a quiet household-- Rachel can speak more over the course of one dinner than Quinn and her sister and mother (combined) could say over an entire day. If Quinn went an entire day without speaking, she's not even sure anyone would notice. If  _Rachel_  went an entire day without speaking, half of UCLA would be on red alert.    
  
Rachel smiles. "I missed you, too."   
  
"Munchkin, I know you were looking at Q when you said 'hi, beautiful,' but I know you were actually talking to me," Santana jokes.    
  
Rachel laughs. "Santana. Brittany. Of course, you both look stunning, as always. Welcome back, both of you." She gives each of them quick hugs and then scrambles to put their luggage into her trunk. When Santana moves to open one of the car doors to get in, Rachel hurries and opens the door for her. "The Berry taxi company is full service, ma'am!" she exclaims, with a tiny salute. She blocks the passenger door with her body so Quinn can't get in yet.   
  
Santana snorts. "You're such nerd," she says affectionately.    
  
Rachel laughs. "All comments are appreciated, ma'am. Please make note of that on the comment card."   
  
Brittany pauses to pinch Rachel's cheek before she gets in. "Thanks, Rachel," she says with a bright grin. "You're cute and you have a cute ass."   
  
Rachel's cheeks turn bright pink and she turns to look at Quinn with wide eyes. Quinn shakes her head.   
  
Rachel shuts the door after Santana and Brittany and then gallantly opens the front passenger door for Quinn. She waves her arm toward the interior of the car. "Milady," she murmurs with a grin, holding her hand out for Quinn to take. "May I please have the honor of helping you inside, your ladyship?"   
  
Giggling, Quinn takes Rachel's hand and allows herself to be seated into the car. Rachel shuts the door.   
  
Quinn watches as Rachel runs around the front of the car to get to the driver's side.   
  
"Yeah, she really found someone else." Santana quips as they watch Rachel run. "You dumb ass."    
  
"Shut up," Quinn says darkly.   
  
"She's really cute, Q," Brittany says softly. "She loves you."   
  
Seconds later Rachel opens the car door, get inside and shoves her phone at Quinn who sees the stopwatch on Rachel's iPhone is running.   
  
"The meter is running!" Rachel quips with a laugh before she signals, glances to her left and then maneuvers her way into traffic-- cutting someone off.   
  
The person Rachel cut off changes lanes, gets next to Rachel and begins honking. When Rachel looks over, the woman holds up her middle finger.    
  
Rachel rolls down her window. "Stick it in your mother!" Rachel shouts, before she rolls up her window, speeds up and cuts the woman off again.   
  
"Your girl is going to get us killed, Fabray," Santana hisses.   
  
Quinn winces because Rachel has a lot of occasions to scream "stick it in your mother!" when she drives.    
  
"That was very discourteous of her, don't you think?" Rachel asks, looking into the rearview mirror at her passengers in the backseat and then to Quinn for confirmation.   
  
Quinn slides down and covers her face with one hand. In Rachel's world, everyone  _else_  is a discourteous driver.    
  
"Munchkin, just watch the road," Santana says with gritted teeth. She just doesn't get how someone so little can possess so much road rage. Maybe it derives from being short.    
\--


	3. Chapter 3

  
Rachel drops Brittany and Santana off at their apartment before driving Quinn home. They find parking right outside Quinn's building and Rachel carries Quinn's duffel bag up to the apartment, speaking a mile a minute.    
  
"You look beautiful! Going home truly agrees with you, but I missed you! I yearned for you madly, Quinn Fabray! You have to tell me everything. I've never been to Austin, but I've always wanted to go. I hope one day to be on the line-up at the SXSW festival. Have you ever gone? Maybe we can go! I think that would be so much fun, and since Santana and Brittany are also from Austin, perhaps we can make a road trip of it! You can show me all the sights of where you grew up! I would be so interested to know! I must start planning immediately, but I will need your assistance as you're familiar with the town and I am not!"   
  
Quinn walks next to her, blushing a little because of all the attention Rachel showers on her. Rachel speaks so quickly without needing to  _breathe_ , Quinn gets dizzy for her.    
The minute they get in the door, Rachel gently sets Quinn's bags on the floor and pulls Quinn into a tight hug.   
  
"I've been wanting to do that since the moment you left," she murmurs into Quinn's neck. "I really did miss you so much."   
  
Quinn swallows hard and strokes Rachel's hair. "I missed you, too, beautiful."   
  
"I'm really glad you're back."   
  
Quinn nuzzles Rachel's neck. "I wanted to come back sooner, but my mom wouldn't let me. I was so mad at her for that."   
  
Rachel laughs softly. "She wanted you close to her. I could fathom that," she murmurs. "Cut her some slack."   
  
Quinn snorts, but nods. She rests her chin on the top of Rachel's head. "I'm so glad to be back."   
  
Rachel smiles and pulls back. She takes Quinn by the hand and leads her to the couch.    
  
"How was your visit home?" Rachel asks, once they settle on the couch.    
  
Quinn shrugs. "It was okay. My sister's boyfriend proposed to her though."   
  
Rachel squeals and claps. "That's wonderful!"   
  
Quinn smiles. "It's cool."   
  
"Are you going to be a bridesmaid?"   
  
Quinn's smile falters. "She didn't ask me."   
  
Rachel bites her lip and rubs Quinn's shoulder. "I'm sure she will."   
  
Quinn isn't holding her breath for that one. "Maybe," she says noncommittally. "How about you? Did you do anything fun while I was away?"   
  
"Not really," Rachel says. "I had a few shows, but that's it. Audrey went home for break, so I was actually pretty bored."   
  
"I thought she didn't want to go home."   
  
"She didn't, but our parents made her."   
  
"Oh," Quinn says. "How come they never make you?"   
  
"They know I have shows and they support that." She pauses. "Or maybe they just love her more than me," she says, cracking a crooked grin.   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes and playfully swats Rachel's shoulder. "Nerd!"   
  
Rachel grips Quinn's hand. "I love your little pet names for me."   
  
There's that word again. 'Love.' Quinn swallows hard, feeling caught. What if Rachel brings up New Year's Eve? She's suddenly stricken with anxiety and she can feel her back start to sweat.    
  
But all that worry is for nothing, because Rachel doesn't say anything else. She just leans in close, her face hovering very close to Quinn's. Their eyes lock for a moment and then Rachel's lips brush against Quinn's in a chaste peck.   
  
"I really missed you," Rachel says thickly. "I know it's a little early to plan for Spring Break considering we've only just come back from Winter Break, but let's plan on spending it together somehow, okay?"   
  
Quinn nods. "That would be great," she says sincerely.   
  
Rachel smiles, cups one hand on the side of Quinn's neck and leans in again. "I'm going to kiss you now," she announces softly.   
  
Quinn smiles affectionately. "Why do you always broadcast that?" she teases. "Seems kind of geeky to me."   
  
Truth be told, it's actually kind of a relief that Rachel does that because their relationship is so new that they're still figuring things out. Quinn has misread some of Rachel's cues before which has led to some awkward moments but Quinn's figuring it all out, but when Rachel announces it like that, it makes things very clear.    
  
Rachel laughs and nips at Quinn's lips, before she pulls back ever so slightly to regard Quinn. "You like things to be clear cut, so I oblige by making my intentions obvious," she murmurs.   
  
"We could always try communication the regular way," Quinn teases, although that's not something she'd eagerly look forward to, but it seems funny to joke about.   
  
"Hmm," Rachel says, pretending to contemplate it. "Seems pretty drastic to me," she jokes as she brings her lips to Quinn's.    
  
Their lips meet. Quinn pushes Rachel onto her back and straddles her. Quinn blushes a little when their breasts touch through their shirts-- it's just not a feeling she's ever become accustomed to, no matter how many times they've kissed and really, she hopes it's never something she just gets used to because that implies routinization and she never wants kissing Rachel to become routine.    
  
Rachel sucks on Quinn's lower lip and Quinn tries to suppress it, but she can't help that a little moan escapes. She finds all these noises embarrassing when she makes them, but then she pushes her tongue into Rachel's mouth and she feels warm all over when Rachel makes a low mewling sound. When Rachel makes little noises like that, it's hot.    
  
Rachel is a good kisser, but when they first started dating, things were awkward and tentative between them. Their very first kiss was slow and cautious. But now, their kisses are slow and deep and frequently go on for hours. Quinn savors every lick, tug, and nibble. So far all they've done is share frenzied kisses, but Quinn does want more-- though she's torn on whether or not she's ready for it. She's been too hasty and careless with sex before, back when she tried to tell herself she didn't like girls that way and threw herself into dating boys in hopes she'd discover she's straight. She doesn't want to make the mistake of rushing into things with Rachel, but God, when it's like this, she wants Rachel so badly, she feels like she'll implode if she doesn't have her.    
  
Quinn is so wet and her skin is so fevered, she wants desperately to take off her clothes. She barely resists the urge to carelessly rip Rachel's clothing off and throw them to the side. Rachel hasn't broached the topic of sex yet-- they've talked about sex in the abstract and Quinn knows Rachel is far from virginal, but the subject of the two of them having sex hasn't come up. Quinn's not a virgin either, but she can count the number of times she's had sex on her two hands and between the two of them, Rachel's definitely the more experienced one.    
  
Still, it's Rachel who seems more tentative about taking their relationship further. Quinn devours articles about sex in magazines, even knowing they aren't really applicable to her and watches lesbian porn for pointers when she's home alone (with her bedroom door locked, windows shut, blinds closed and headphones plugged in). Rachel always puts a stop to things when things get intense.   
  
Right now, Quinn's jeans feel way too tight and she desperately wants to take them off and put her hand between her legs, or better yet, have Rachel's hand between them, but then Rachel pulls away, panting and adjusting her clothes. She looks  _terrified_  for a moment and Quinn wants to ask just what Rachel is so afraid of because really, between the two of them, Quinn feels like Rachel is the brave one and she's the one who is chickenshit.    
  
"I should go," Rachel says quietly.   
  
"What? Why?" Quinn asks. She's perfectly fine with it not going any further, but she is not okay with Rachel leaving or feeling like making a hasty exit is her only option.    
  
Rachel points to her watch and shows Quinn the time. Quinn is shocked to see she's been making out with Rachel on the couch for  _four hours_ .   
  
"I have to pick up Hope from the airport."   
  
Quinn winces at the mention of her roommate. "You're picking her up?"   
  
"She asked me last night."   
  
"Oh," Quinn says. "Okay."    
  
Quinn wants to offer to go with Rachel, except she knows how uncomfortable that car ride would be, even with Rachel as buffer. Ever since she and Rachel told Hope that they were dating, things at home with Hope were pretty uncomfortable-- bordering on unbearable. Quinn has zero regrets about dating Rachel-- she's certain they've got something special. But she feels guilty that Hope liked Rachel first.   
  
"I never liked Hope like that," Rachel tells her every now-and-then when Quinn expresses her lingering guilt. "She's lovely and I adore her, but you were always the one I had my eye on from the day we met."   
  
It doesn't assuage Quinn's guilt much, even if it makes her giddy to know Rachel's been attracted to her since they day they met and never had any attraction to Hope.    
  
At the moment, however, Quinn is percolating with jealousy and concern. She knows Rachel and Hope are friends, but she doesn't want Rachel to pick Hope up from the airport and spend that car ride alone together because she doesn't want Hope to put the moves on Rachel. Hope isn't like that-- she's actually pretty honorable and Quinn knows it's more about her own guilty conscience. But she's fairly certain  _Hope_  could say "I love you" back to Rachel with no problem.    
  
"What's wrong?" Rachel asks, leaning in close and peering intently in Quinn's face.   
  
"Nothing," Quinn says irritably, pushing at Rachel's shoulder and not-so-gently shoving Rachel away. "Shouldn't you leave to go to the airport now?"   
  
"It's just that you seem upset…" Rachel says cautiously. "I have some time, do you want to talk about it?"    
  
"I'm not upset," Quinn says flatly. "Go pick her up."   
  
"But--"   
  
"Go pick her up." Quinn snaps. "I don't want her blaming me if you're late."   
  
Rachel hesitates. "Are you upset because we…didn't go any further?" she asks quietly.   
  
Quinn's eyes widen. "What? No, of course not. I'd never push you into anything and I'd never be angry about something like that. We can take our time with that. Just…just hurry up and leave. Go pick her up."   
  
"But--"   
  
"Go pick her up, Rachel. She gets pissy when people are late."   
  
Rachel nods and stands up. "I didn't mean to upset you by picking her up," she says quietly. "But she's my friend, too. If you're angry about it, I wish you'd just say so instead of taking such a combative tone with me," she says softly, before grabbing her purse and walking toward the door.   
  
Quinn sits on the couch and purses her lips. She wants to stop Rachel and apologize. Rachel seems like she's waiting for some kind of response because she waits by the door.    
  
"You really don't have anything to say?" Rachel asks quietly.   
  
"Like an apology? To you? Right now?" Quinn asks derisively. "No."   
  
"Wow," Rachel mutters. "Okay," Rachel says softly. "You're upset. I think I understand. Let's talk when I drop Hope off, okay?"   
  
Quinn doesn't respond and Rachel waits for a beat, but when she gets no response from Quinn, she sighs and leaves.    
  
Quinn waits until she's certain Rachel has driven off, then leaves her apartment and drives to Santana and Brittany's. She hates herself a little for being such a bitch.    
  
\--   
  
She's getting boba with Santana and Brittany when Rachel calls her. Quinn ignores the call and sends it to voicemail.   
  
Rachel sends her a text a few seconds later.   
  
_From: Rachel  
  
Come over tonight. At seven. But don't expect dinner. I'm upset with you and want to talk about this._   
  
Quinn sighs. She doesn't think this is the time to test Rachel.    
  
\--   
  
Rachel's clearly irate when Quinn comes over that night. She answers the door and doesn't waste time with a greeting-- she just pulls Quinn inside and shuts the door.   
  
"What is your problem?" Rachel demands. "We were having a perfectly lovely time and then you behave as though I just told you I willfully gave you a venereal disease. And before you get even nastier with me than you've already been today,  _no_ , I do not have an STD."   
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn says quietly. "I was jealous."   
  
Rachel sighs. "Of Hope?"   
  
Quinn shrugs.   
  
Rachel sighs again. "You could have just said so," she says. "You didn't have to be so rude to me."   
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn says softly.   
  
Rachel closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Why can't you ever just say how you're feeling?" she asks. "It would save us a lot of energy."   
  
"That kind of honesty seems kind of drastic," Quinn jokes, hoping to lighten the mood.   
  
Rachel laughs softly. "Quinn, it really would be so much simpler for us if you could just be upfront with me. I realize things are very new between us and I won't claim that I tell you everything either. I think that's the type of relationship we're trying to build to. But if you're upset with me, I wish you'd just come right out and say it rather than being so passive-aggressive about it."   
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn says softly, looking down on the floor. But it's just who she is. She's never been the kind of person who can just say how she feels.   
  
Rachel sighs again. "I guess we can work on that," she murmurs. She takes Quinn by the hand. "Come on, let's get dinner," she says, leading them toward the door.   
  
"Are you still mad?" Quinn asks quietly, wincing a little because she's afraid of the answer.   
  
"Yes," Rachel says. "But I know this is something neither of us excels at yet, and I'm willing to give it the old college try." She smiles impishly. "Because we're both in college, you see."   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes because that was  _so_  corny and gives Rachel a tiny swat on the butt.    
  
Rachel grabs her hand and pulls Quinn into her with a hard yank. Quinn stumbles into Rachel, who laughs softly and catches her, her arms wrapping around Quinn's waist. "I'm not actually mad," she assures, her voice a low murmur against Quinn's ear. "I'm just glad to have you back in LA."   
  
Quinn is relieved Rachel doesn't seem to hold a grudge against her.

 

\----

 

The new quarter starts and Quinn can admit things in her life are pretty good. She's enrolled in all the classes she wants, so she doesn't have to crash any. Crashing a class can be really stressful, but Quinn came into UCLA last year with a bunch of credits from high school AP classes, so she registers with the juniors rather than the other sophomores. She's dating a really great girl and every day that passes by, Quinn thinks about how lucky she is to have Rachel. She lives four blocks away from her two best friends in the world, and even if Santana and Brittany are totally gross with their constant public displays of affection and are a little too blunt about their sexual escapades for her liking; Quinn knows it's a rare thing to have two friends she can count on, let alone have them in such proximity. And her mother knows she's dating a girl and accepts it, even if she still needs time to get 'used to it.' Really, she can't complain about her life.  
  
But her living arrangement makes her a little uncomfortable.  
  
She and Hope moved into their apartment and signed the lease before she started dating Rachel. But when she signed the lease, Quinn knew Hope had been harboring a crush on Rachel for most of the school year. She should have known it would be bad because she'd been harboring a crush on Rachel herself when she signed her name to that 12 month lease and now she's stuck with a roommate who resents her-- a roommate who was once a really good friend to her, but now won't initiate a conversation. Hope is genteel and well-mannered, so she is always respectful, sweet and courteous to Quinn. But now they live together out of necessity, rather than desire and only spend time together because Rachel counts them both as a friend. Quinn is sure that her friendship with Hope is a total loss and this makes her feel terrible because she's never had a superfluity of real friends-- acquaintances, sure, but never true friends and Hope was always really good to her before this thing with Rachel blew up in all their faces.   
  
Repairing her friendship with Hope is the one thing that could make her life even better right now, and because they live together, it's persistently on her mind. It makes living together so uncomfortable, because they used to lounge on the couch and watch movies together and steal each other's food. But now Quinn feels the need to ask Hope if she could have a glass of Hope's orange juice, when Hope never used to care about that kind of thing. Hope likely wouldn't care even now, but Quinn's too afraid to ask because the potential rejection (and subsequent confirmation that their friendship is decimated beyond repair) is more than Quinn could take.   
  
She tries to spend as little time in their apartment as possible to give Hope space. She doesn't necessarily spend it with Rachel, but if she comes home and Hope is in the common areas of their apartment like the kitchen or living room, she can feel hostility emanating from her normally affable roommate, and she knows Hope just assumes she's spending all her time with Rachel which makes the whole thing worse because Hope's crush on Rachel is still as painful as ever.   
  
\--  
  
It's the Friday of the first week of classes of the winter quarter and Quinn has a lunch date with Rachel. The first week of any quarter is always a little busy and hectic, so Quinn hasn't seen much of Rachel and she's glad for this time alone.   
  
Quinn knocks on the door to Rachel’s apartment and waits. She wonders if they're going to be together long enough to exchange keys or even move in together. She surprises herself she's already thinking about these things, because back in high school, every time she got with a boyfriend, she was always thinking about when she'd get to break up with him and tended to plan the duration of her relationships around major events like Winter Formal. With Rachel, she already thinking about the future, which is a little scary because they haven't been together long enough where Quinn feels she should even  _think_  about that sort of thing, let alone start to set her heart on it. Quinn knows her mother is right about taking things slow, but she still has the infantile desire to tell her mother 'you're not the boss of me' and grab Rachel by the hand and marry her in New York.   
  
Rachel finally answers the door and Quinn takes in Rachel’s appearance. She’s seen the plaid skirt before—the pattern is a little dweeby, but it is scandalously short, so Quinn has no problems with it. Rachel’s legs are  _delicious_  and it doesn't matter how geeky the skirt is, if it's that short.   
  
But the unicorn sweater—oh,  _Jesus_. It’s bad. It looks like something out of The Children’s Place, except  _rejected_. Although the school girl thing Rachel has going on is kind of appealing to Quinn's baser instincts which urge her to rip off Rachel's clothes, throw her to the ground and play a rousing game of bad teacher/punished student.  
  
“What are you  _wearing_?” Quinn bursts out, laughing so hard, she has to bend over and rest her hand against the door jam for balance. “Oh my  _God_. Is that a  _unicorn_?! Oh my God!” She is | |  _this_  close to falling to the ground because she is laughing so hard.   
  
Rachel crosses her arms in front of her chest. She does not look amused.   
  
“Quinn Fabray, I’ll have you know my daddy bought me this sweater!”  
  
Quinn snorts. “Why doesn’t he love you?!”  
  
“Quinn!” Rachel's hands are on her hips and she looks very aggrieved.   
  
Rather than feel contrite, Quinn thinks Rachel looks adorable. “Well!” Quinn exclaims, pointing to Rachel's sweater as if to say 'the thing speaks for itself.'  
  
“It’s a very nice sweater,” Rachel huffs with her hands on her hips. “It keeps me warm which is its function. My fathers have bought me many sweaters like this. I have an entire menagerie, to be honest, that I've collected over the years.”  
  
“Why don’t you wear them more then, if you think animal sweaters are so nice?” Quinn demands, suppressing a boisterous laugh.  
  
“My mom thinks they’re atrocious,” Rachel admits. "I don't agree, but I don't necessarily disagree, either. I don't see the harm in the occasional unicorn, owl or butterfly. As you know I am a very strong supporter of animal rights."  
  
That does it-- Quinn howls with laughter.  
  
Rachel snorts and takes Quinn by the hand. “Well, come inside before you call too much attention to us,” she says, with an eye roll. She pulls Quinn into the apartment and shuts the door.  
  
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” Quinn says, once she catches her breath. “But you look twelve! You look like a toddler who got into the wardrobe of a Golden Girl. Oh my God!”  
  
Rachel pouts again. “I was just missing my dads today and you’re making fun of me!”  
  
“Sorry,” Quinn says, contrite. “Lunch is on me, okay?”  
  
Rachel gives her a tiny smile. “Okay. And the least you can do is let me kiss you. Come here," she says as she pulls Quinn in for a kiss.   
  
Quinn releases a little groan when she feels Rachel’s tongue push between her lips and brush past her teeth.  
  
‘Oh, fuck,’ Quinn thinks.   
  
They kiss languidly until Rachel pulls back, a little out of breath. She tucks her hair behind her ears and smiles. “I can change my sweater, if you want,” she offers, still sounding a little breathless. "I don't want you to be embarrassed because you think my sweater is that bad. I mean, you're right. It is a little juvenile and I don't want you to be embarrassed to be seen with me."  
  
Quinn shakes her head. “No, keep it,” she breathes, a little sad Rachel would ever suggest changing anything about herself, even just her clothing to satisfy her. And Rachel suggesting she could ever be embarrassed of her makes Quinn feel kicked in the teeth, because, yes, Rachel is a little…unusual, but Quinn can't ever conceive of being embarrassed of her. She's  _proud_ , in fact, that she's dating Rachel, because everywhere they go together, people just seem drawn to Rachel, but Quinn actually gets to date her. "I could never be embarrassed of you," Quinn says softly. "I'm  _proud_ when I get to show you off."  
  
Rachel blushes. "You don't have to be  _proud_. Just…don't be embarrassed."  
  
Quinn reaches for Rachel's hands and threads their fingers together. She squeezes gently. "I'm proud," she says sincerely, clutching their joined hands to her heart.   
  
Rachel beams at her, a smile so wide and brilliant that Quinn feels slammed between her throat and her chest. She really loves that smile.   
  
"You sure you don't want me to change my sweater?"  
  
"I'm sure," Quinn says emphatically, cursing herself for being so thoughtless with her comment. She knows if Rachel ever said anything even remotely critical to her about her appearance or ensemble, it would throw her into a tailspin of self-doubt and insecurity that would undoubtedly launch a foray into an eating disorder and an appointment with a plastic surgeon. She cannot handle criticism of her appearance, and she's not sure why she thought Rachel would be able to handle something she herself could not. Quinn swallows hard, an idea coming to her. “Hey, baby. Can you pull out your contacts and put on your glasses? I think it’d complete your ensemble.”  
  
Rachel makes a face. “But glasses don’t suit me.”  
  
“Just put them on, yeah, sweetie? Anything suits you, and I love you in glasses.”  
  
She's seen Rachel wear glasses maybe three times, total, but each time, Quinn has barely kept herself from squealing in delight, because she just looks so adorable.   
  
“Uh…okay,” Rachel says. “Wait here, baby. Make yourself comfortable.”  
  
Rachel leaves and Quinn sits down on the couch and flips through a magazine that she finds on Rachel's coffee table. Rachel's phone buzzes next to her and Quinn happens to glance down at it and sees it's from Rachel's little sister, Audrey, who Rachel has labeled 'Small Sister' in her contacts despite the fact that Audrey is, in fact, two inches taller than Rachel. Rachel's text message settings are still set on the iPhone default, so Quinn can read the text message even without actually opening it or unlocking the phone. She feels a little bad for invading Rachel's privacy, but justifies it because Rachel hasn't made her phone more secure.   
  
 _From: Small Sister  
  
Fine. Have fun on your lunch date with your bitchy girlfriend. _  
  
Quinn's blood boils at being called 'bitchy,' but her stomach clenches because Rachel's sister still  _hates_  her. Granted she and Rachel haven't been dating long enough for Quinn to win Audrey over, but she really wants Audrey to like her again. She knows she deserves Audrey's ire, and she still feels so bad about what she said to prompt Audrey's disdain, but if Rachel's already forgiven and moved on, shouldn't Audrey?   
  
Quinn can't believe she shot herself in the ass like that because Audrey once liked her and Quinn made life more difficult for herself. And the fact Audrey calls her Rachel's "girlfriend," just makes Quinn think about the thing that's been looming over her head for over a week when Rachel said "I love you" and she didn't say it back. It hasn't come up again and Rachel hasn't repeated it since, but Quinn feels like it's going to bite her in the ass somehow and she dreads the day it does.   
  
Quinn sigh, sets the phone back and tries to resume reading the magazine, but she can't concentrate on the article advising her of the best jeans for her body type knowing Audrey Corcoran hates her. Rachel's relationship with her sister is the most important in her life and Quinn has no doubts who Rachel would choose if she were forced to do so. But she'd never make Rachel choose, and Quinn hopes Audrey never would either.   
  
Rachel returns to the living room wearing her rectangular shaped black-framed glasses. "See? I keep telling you, glasses don't suit me. Now I look ridiculous." Rachel's cheeks are pink, and she can't quite make eye contact. She is pouting mightily and it's clear she's self-conscious.  
  
Quinn swallows hard, because Rachel looks adorable and she desperately wants to recommend they order food for delivery and play a game of 'geek kink' afterward. But she pushes aside her thoughts, because Jesus, she can't push for sex, not now. "You look great," Quinn says softly. "I love your glasses. You have such a perfect face, you would look good in anything."  
  
Rachel beams at her. "Quinn Fabray, you are very sweet, do you know this?"  
  
Quinn grins and ducks her head. "Do you know what you want to eat?" she asks.  
  
Rachel gives her a crooked grin. "I have something in mind, but we don't need to leave the house for that," she murmurs, giving Quinn a saucy wink.  
  
Quinn blushes, because it's by far the most suggestive thing Rachel has ever said to her, at least on purpose-- Rachel has a habit of making inadvertent double entendres and then becoming confused (and later angry) by the ensuing laughter because she doesn't get why it's funny. It's also the closest Rachel's come to hinting she's ready to go further. But Quinn doesn't want to push, so she laughs. "Well, I'd definitely have to buy you lunch before  _that_."  
  
"It  _is_  the polite thing to do," Rachel agrees, nodding and grinning impishly. .  
  
"Yeah, and you need the energy," Quinn says, pushing gently.   
  
"The energy, huh?" Rachel asks with an amused smirk. "You think I'll need  _energy_? My current reserves are not sufficient?"  
  
"Well, you're not a plant, Rachel. It's not like you're going to get it from photosynthesis or something."  
  
Rachel cackles with laughter. "Photosynthesis!" she exclaims, hooting. "Come on," she says, linking her arm with Quinn's. "I'm actually  _starving_. Feed me Seymour," she growls. "Feed me!"  
  
Quinn laughs and shakes her head. This girl really knocks her out sometimes.   
  
\--  
  
Rachel is a social butterfly, and so when they walk into the Fresh Corn Grill, she knows half the patrons and most of the staff. Quinn was once very similar, but not because she wanted to be, but because she thought that was the way she had to be. Quinn is naturally introverted, but she pretended to be social in order to play the role of well-adjusted teenage cheerleader and Prom Queen. But it's a persona far from who she truly is, and when Quinn looks back on it, she's sure that's why she never seemed to be well-liked despite being popular-- people could probably sense the insincerity. She was social in high school out of necessity, or at least, perceived necessity, but she's choosier about who she talks to now that she's in college-- it's truer to who she really is. She's not so much an elitist snob the way Santana would accuse of her being, as she is naturally introverted and a little socially inhibited.   
  
Rachel, on the other hand, is very social, but she's sincere about it. It's likely why people seem to like her so much, despite the fact the general consensus seems to be that Rachel's an odd duck despite being a good egg. Quinn thinks it's pretty strange that she's falling for someone as extroverted as Rachel is, but when they're alone together, they really aren't that different, because she gets to see a side of Rachel that no one else does. Rachel's gregarious and extroverted, but she's also very guarded and Quinn feels blessed that Rachel tells her things that Quinn knows Rachel isn't telling anyone else.   
  
They each order salads, though Quinn adds chicken to hers, which Rachel doesn't comment on. Quinn is glad Rachel isn't one of those self-righteous vegan types, but then again, Rachel does indulge every now and then in meat or meat by-product.   
  
They chat as they sip on their drinks and wait for their food to arrive. Rachel grabs Quinn's hand and turns it so the palm faces up. She traces her fingers across the lines of Quinn's palm.  
  
Quinn swallows hard and glances around. They're in Westwood, not West Hollywood, and though she's pretty open about dating Rachel, the idea of people staring at them makes her a little uncomfortable. She can see a few people looking at them and she wants to pull her hand away and tell Rachel to stop, but she forces herself not to, because she knows if she can't be okay with  _this_  innocuous gesture of affection, there's no way their relationship will ever survive and she wants very badly for it to survive.   
  
"I'm thinking of learning to read palms," Rachel says, intently looking at Quinn's palm. Her face takes on an adorable look of concentration and she leans her face close to Quinn's palm. "Do you know which one is the lifeline and all that?"  
  
Quinn chuckles. "No. Do I look like Madame Morticia to you?"  
  
Rachel giggles and pulls her hand away and clasps her hands primly together and sets them on the table top. "I am thinking of learning. One always needs a career to fall back on."  
  
Quinn chortles. "And you think palm-reading is Plan B?"  
  
"Well, it is my favorite emergency contraceptive," Rachel points out absently.  
  
Quinn blanches. "What?"  
  
"I'm kidding! I mean, yes, I love that it's readily available, but I haven't had an occasion to use it since high school."  
  
"Oh," Quinn says. "What happened in high school?"  
  
Rachel sighs unhappily. "Mike and I… we had a little accident and the condom broke. So I used Plan B."  
  
"Oh," Quinn says. "Did you…you know, ever have any other…uh…accidents?"  
  
Rachel bites her lip and lowers her head. She's quiet for a moment, like she's debating with herself before she answers. "Jesse got me pregnant my senior year," she admits quietly. "I was on birth control and I got sloppy with it. I had an abortion when I was about six weeks along."  
  
"Oh," Quinn replies softly.   
  
"Does that bother you?" Rachel asks. "I mean, with your religious convictions…" she trails off.  
  
"What?" Quinn asks. "No. No, of course not. It was obviously the right choice for you."  
  
"Hmm," Rachel says. She looks a little dubious, like she doesn't entirely believe Quinn.  
  
Their food shows up at that moment and their server, a friend of Rachel's, seems to sense their conversation is serious, because he just tells them he hopes they enjoy their food and makes a fast getaway.  
  
"Really," Quinn assures. "It doesn't bother me."  
  
"Okay."   
  
"Is that why your parents hate him?"  
  
Rachel smiles crookedly. "My dads never liked him, but the incident certainly did not endear him to them. My mother used to love him, but after that happened, he lost her favor." She pauses. "Did anything like that ever happen to you?"  
  
"I had a scare with one of my boyfriends freshman year of high school," Quinn confesses."It turned out to be nothing, but I was so scared."  
  
Rachel touches Quinn's hand and squeezes her fingers. "What happened?"  
  
Quinn makes a face. "We were stupid. We didn't use a condom. I was so stupid about it. I didn't even know Plan B existed. No one ever told me."  
  
"Not even your sister?"  
  
Quinn snorts. "Zoey? Are you kidding? I was lucky if she even bothered acknowledging me."  
  
Rachel gives her a sad smile. "Maybe you guys will get closer, you never know."  
  
"Not everyone is as close to their sister as you are to yours," Quinn says a little resentfully as she thinks about Audrey's text to Rachel.  
  
Rachel pulls her hand away and clasps her hands together. "Aud and I are only eleven months apart. We were raised like twins. It's easier to be close when you're that close in age. Your sister is eight years older than you are. I'm sure that makes it difficult."  
  
"I guess," Quinn says. She swallows hard. "Your sister hates me," she bemoans morosely.   
  
"She doesn't  _hate_  you…"  
  
Quinn looks at her in askance. "She hates me."  
.   
"It doesn't matter," Rachel says softly. "She'll come around. She has to. You're important to me. She always comes around when someone is important to me."  
  
Quinn ducks her head. "Okay," she whispers. She does feel a little comforted.  
  
\--  
  
They dig into their salads and they're both so hungry, that for a while, all they concentrate on is their food.   
  
"Quinn?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I have a piece of chicken?" Rachel asks, fork poised in the air.  
  
Quinn smiles. She pushes her bowl closer to Rachel. "Of course you can, you don't have to ask."  
  
Rachel smiles and spears a piece of chicken. "Thanks."  
  
Quinn loves the way Rachel always seems like she's enjoying life. When she takes a bite of chicken, she actually releases a tiny, pleased moan which makes a few people look over. Rachel blushes and ducks her head when she realizes this, but this doesn't stop her from gushing how delicious the chicken is.   
  
"It's so good!"  
  
"If it's so good, maybe you should give up this vegan thing and just be normal," Quinn teases.  
  
Rachel laughs. "It's not  _that_  good. I'm already feeling badly for the baby chicken that was left orphaned when his mama was cooked for your salad." The thought makes Rachel visibly sad, because she pouts. "I shouldn't have eaten that!"  
  
"It's okay. I ate the baby chicken for breakfast in an omelet. It wasn't orphaned for very long."  
  
"Quinn!" Rachel exclaims. She looks horrified for a moment, but then begins to laugh. "That is so wildly inappropriate."   
  
Quinn shrugs and smiles mischievously. "Sorry."  
  
Rachel looks thoughtful. "I know everyone was busy this week because it was the first week back, but maybe next week, we can start having the dinners at my apartment again."  
  
"That sounds good," Quinn says. "I know Brittany and Santana would love it."  
  
"Yes," Rachel says. "I already asked Jesse and Hope, too."  
  
Quinn flinches at little at Hope's name. "Sounds good," she says again.  
  
"Quinn, sweetheart," Rachel murmurs. "The sooner we move past this awkwardness with Hope, the better, don't you think? I don't want to exclude her-- she's my friend."  
  
"I know," Quinn says. "I just feel so bad about what happened. I just wish you and I could date, and she and I could be friends."  
  
"I know," Rachel replies. "I wish the same thing. But if we want that, we have to try."  
  
"Yeah," Quinn sighs.  
  
\--  
  
They finish eating and return to Rachel's apartment  
  
"Do you want to come in?"  
  
"Sure," Quinn murmurs.  
  
They lounge on the couch and Rachel pops in a DVD. They've only been dating for a few months, and have known one another for almost a year, and yet, this is the eighth time Quinn has seen  _Funny Girl_  with Rachel. She doesn't really mind though because if someone loves something that much, it's pointless to rail against it.  
  
They do end up falling asleep though and when Quinn wakes up, Rachel is sprawled against her. Rachel's skirt has ridden up to her thighs and Quinn can see Rachel's pink underwear. She swallows hard and just wants to stare, but she doesn't want to be a creeper, so she gently pulls down Rachel's skirt to preserve her modesty.   
  
"Rachel?" Quinn whispers.  
  
"Mmm," Rachel says, snuggling into her. "You are so comfortable," she murmurs. "Stop moving."  
  
Quinn laughs softly and strokes Rachel's hair. "I'm glad you think I'm so comfortable."  
  
Rachel snuggles into Quinn even deeper and then yawns. Her eyes drift open, but just barely and peek up at Quinn through long eyelashes. "I'm still sleepy," she murmurs.  
  
"I could go for a nap," Quinn admits.  
  
"Let's sleep in my bed, okay?"  
  
Quinn swallows at the invitation. "Okay."  
  
Rachel gets up and holds her hand out. Quinn takes it and Rachel leads her to the bedroom where Rachel shucks off her truly atrocious unicorn sweater. Quinn has to admit she's glad to see the garment go, because it’s a little scratchy. The white button down shirt Rachel has underneath the sweater is soft cotton. Rachel crawls into the bed and Quinn climbs in after her. Rachel falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow but it takes Quinn a few more minutes of listening to Rachel's breaths before she falls asleep as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Quinn wakes up two hours later when Rachel accidentally kicks her in the stomach while she turns over in her sleep.    
  
"Ow," Quinn hisses quietly.   
  
Rachel rouses. "What's wrong?" she asks sleepily.   
  
"You kicked me!"   
  
Rachel sits up, alarmed and fully awake. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaims. "Where? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"   
  
"It's nothing," Quinn says, waving off Rachel's concern. "It just took me by surprise."   
  
"Where?" Rachel persists.    
  
Quinn rubs her stomach and Rachel lifts the sheet.    
  
"I'm sorry," Rachel repeats, looking so pitifully sorrowful that Quinn regrets saying anything. "I can be kind of a violent sleeper," she admits. She rubs Quinn's belly over Quinn's shirt. "Does that feel better?" she asks after a few minutes.   
  
"Yeah," Quinn says softly.    
  
Rachel continues to gently rub Quinn's stomach for a few more minutes and then lifts Quinn's shirt and presses a kiss to Quinn's belly. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, her lips moving against Quinn's skin. "Are you sure you're okay?"   
  
Quinn threads her fingers through Rachel's hair. With Rachel kissing her stomach, she feels better than okay. She feels euphoric.    
  
Rachel's gaze lifts to meet Quinn's. Quinn swallows hard and then lifts her shirt further up, exposing her bra-covered breasts, silently encouraging Rachel to go further.   
  
Rachel bites her lower lip, exhales quietly and presses another kiss to Quinn's abdomen and then another just a little further up. She rubs one of Quinn's breasts, over the bra.    
  
Quinn moans as Rachel's hand makes contact with her nipple.    
  
Rachel freezes and she stares at Quinn's breasts, her pupils darting back and forth indecisively. She bites her lower lip and seems frozen in place.    
  
"You look terrified," Quinn whispers. Rachel looks so scared, and she's  _trembling_ . "Are you okay?"    
  
It takes Rachel a moment to respond. "I'm…I'm okay," Rachel stammers, her voice more high-pitched than normal. She takes a deep breath and slips her hand under Quinn's bra.   
  
They both moan simultaneously at the skin-to-skin contact and Quinn looks at Rachel and is relieved to see Rachel looks more comfortable now. Emboldened by the stupefied, adoring look on Rachel's face, Quinn sits up and pulls her shirt completely over her head. After a second's pause, she takes off her bra as well.    
  
Rachel breathes in sharply at the sight of Quinn's bare breasts. "Wow," she whispers. She swallows visibly and unconsciously licks her lips before she reverently reaches out with both hands to touch Quinn's breasts. Quinn moans as her nipples harden and her underwear dampens.    
  
Rachel pulls her hands away and Quinn makes a tiny whine of complaint at the loss of contact. Brittany was right-- breasts really can feel loved or unloved, because at the moment, Quinn's breasts feel abandoned now that Rachel isn't touching them anymore.    
  
Rachel hesitates for a moment before she unbuttons her shirt, her hands trembling the entire time.    
  
"You don't have to," Quinn whispers, bringing her hands over Rachel's. "Stop. It's okay."   
  
"It…it's okay," Rachel says, her voice shaking. "I…I w-- want to," she stammers, but her voice quivers the whole time and she looks terrified again.   
  
"Are you sure?" Quinn asks gently.   
  
"Y-- yes," Rachel stutters "Reciprocity is important in a relationship."   
  
Quinn grins affectionately and she rubs her nose into Rachel's cheek. "Reciprocity, huh?" she teases gently, stroking Rachel's hair. She hopes to ease Rachel's nerves a bit.   
  
Rachel bites her lip and ducks her head shyly. "Yes, reciprocity."   
  
They share a laugh and Rachel rests her head against Quinn's shoulders and chuckles quietly.    
  
"You don't have to," Quinn assures, though she very, very badly wants Rachel to take off her shirt.    
  
"I want to," Rachel says softly. She takes a deep breath, sits up and then unbuttons her shirt and takes it off. She crosses her arms over her chest for a moment and stares downward before she takes a deep breath and brings her arms behind her back to unclasp her bra. She flinches and covers her breasts again before she takes a deep breath brings her arms down at her sides. She bites down on her lip and looks at Quinn with trepidation.    
  
"Wow," Quinn breathes when Rachel exposes her breasts to her. Seeing them, she wants to touch them. She wants to bring her mouth to them to taste them. Rachel's breasts are small, but gorgeous and Quinn wants to find out if she can fit one entirely in her mouth. Probably not, Quinn thinks, because that seems overly ambitious and her mouth really isn't all that big even if Rachel's breasts aren't exactly large. But one would nestle perfectly in one of her hands.    
  
Rachel looks away. "You don't have to say that. I'm not much to look at," she whispers. "It's okay," she says softly.    
  
"You're beautiful," Quinn whispers, wonderingly and she's baffled by how Rachel could ever believe she's not much to look at. Quinn wonders if Rachel has ever seen porn in her life. Yes, Rachel's breasts aren't pornographically enlarged, but anyone who has had access to pornography couldn't possibly believe Rachel's breasts are anything but lovely. Quinn blushes as she realizes she's seen so much lesbian porn in her life that even though Rachel is the first woman she's been intimate with, she's seen  _a lot_  of breasts, even if it was all through a computer monitor.    
  
Quinn brings her hand to cup one of Rachel's breasts. She's never touched another girl's breasts before. She's touched her own, of course, but touching her own breasts never did anything except make her wonder how much her breasts weighed and if that should really count into her BMI. She once accidentally grazed Santana's breasts at a party, which was embarrassing because Santana was drunk at the time and made fun of her for trying to cop a feel, which she was so not trying to do. Then there was a time she accidentally touched Brittany's breasts while emphatically gesturing to make a point and Santana nearly beat her senseless with a pompom and informed her that she's 'lucky it isn't a dog chain.' But this is the first time she really gets to  _touch_  a pair of breasts not her own in any meaningful way, and all Quinn can think is 'oh holy shit.'   
  
Rachel lets out a little sigh and she lies down flat on her bed and brings Quinn on top of her. Their lips brush together and they each let out groans as their bare breasts touch.   
  
Their kisses start slow, but quickly pick up speed. Quinn kisses a trail down Rachel's neck and down to Rachel's breasts. She takes a hard nipple in her mouth and swirls her tongue over it. She smiles as she hears Rachel moan. It's such an amazing ego boost to know she can make Rachel feel that good. Her teeth lightly graze Rachel's nipple and Rachel's grip in her hair tightens. Rachel's breathing becomes shuddered. She continues to lave Rachel's nipple with her tongue. She massages Rachel's other breast in one hand and tweaks Rachel's nipple-- making her squeak with pleasure. When she's thoroughly explored Rachel's left breast with her mouth, she moves onto the right, because Quinn feels symmetry is important and Rachel clearly enjoys the attention.    
  
Quinn's jeans make her feel imprisoned.    
  
Even if she and Rachel don't go all the way, she needs to get them off because there is sweat coating her ass and she's so wet, she's soaking through her jeans.   
  
Quinn pulls away and Rachel stares up at her, bewildered. Rachel's breasts are bare and glistening and Quinn releases a little groan of pleasure at the sight. She feels fevered all over. She begins shucking off her pants. Rachel's eyes widen and she looks a little alarmed.    
  
"You're….you're taking them off?" Rachel asks with a little squeak and once again, she looks  _terrified_ .    
  
Quinn's only had sex with men, and each of them  _really_  wanted to have sex with her, so she's completely unaccustomed to the look of terror Rachel keeps getting on her face every time things go a little further. It's starting to give Quinn a bit of a complex, except there's a part of her scared out of her mind, too, which won't be that upset if Rachel puts on the brakes, even if her body will be profoundly disappointed. She feels just as scared as Rachel looks, but her body is taking control of the situation on this day and telling her mind to shut the fuck up.    
  
"I have to," Quinn whispers, lying down again on top of Rachel once her pants are off. "I'm…I'm so wet, baby," she moans. She blushes, because this is the first time she's ever said something like that out loud, but she feels the need to explain why she's pushing to go further than they ever have before. For the first time in her life, she understands why her high school boyfriends practically cried when she put them off.    
  
Rachel moans softly and after a moment of hesitation, begins to wiggle in an attempt to pull off her skirt. Quinn gets her meaning and pulls off the garment and throws it to the side. Quinn resumes her careful study of Rachel's right breast.    
  
Once she's satisfied, she brings her head up to kiss Rachel's lips. Their mouths smash together and then Rachel flips their positions.   
  
"I need…I need…" Rachel grinds out. She hesitates. "I want…" she frowns in frustration. "I need…"   
  
"What do you need, baby?" Quinn pants. She strokes Rachel's cheek. "Just say it, baby, it's okay. Whatever you need."   
  
"I need…" Rachel trails off and seems to give up on articulating herself because she brings her head down and begins kissing between Quinn's breasts. She moans as she does so.    
  
Quinn gasps and she lets out a shuddering moan. She brings her hands to Rachel's head, cajoling Rachel's face harder into her breasts. She never thought having her breasts played with would feel this good.    
  
"Oh fuck," Quinn moans as Rachel sucks on one of her nipples.    
  
The longer Rachel lavishes her breasts with attention, the more that ache builds up between Quinn's legs. Her underwear is  _drenched_  and she's humiliated, but turned on to feel a puddle building under her. She's that wet.    
  
Quinn can't stand it anymore. She pulls Rachel's head up for a kiss, because as much as she enjoys the feel of Rachel's lips on her breasts, she needs to feel Rachel's lips against hers more.    
  
They kiss and romp around on the bed. Each of their underwear slip off and they continue to kiss, but the build-up is just too much. Rachel's hands occasionally touch her bare ass, but Rachel's hands generally stay above the waist and so Quinn tries to follow suit because maybe this is just as far as they're going today. But Quinn is so wet, she can't stand it anymore, so while Rachel continues to kiss her, Quinn brings one of her own hands between her legs and starts to touch herself.    
  
Rachel freezes as she realizes what Quinn is doing, but then hesitantly starts to do the same.    
  
Quinn never thought of mutual masturbation as being particularly appealing, but knowing that Rachel is fingering herself while Quinn does the same, never tearing their lips from one another… it's the most carnal experience Quinn's ever had thus far. She knows some people (Santana) would think that's pitiful, but Quinn doesn't care. This is confirmation that sex doesn't have to be a mechanical chore or obligation for her-- it really can feel good. Before she met Rachel, she 'd been resigned to the fate of sex as duty, but now, she knows it can feel good and they really even haven't had sex yet.    
  
Rachel's fingers roll over her own clit and she comes with a hoarse cry that is drowned out in Quinn's mouth. Quinn follows soon after and Quinn lies there for a moment, panting. But then she experimentally brings one thigh between Rachel's legs, and rubs. She feels the folds of Rachel's pussy and hears Rachel release a low pleasured groan.    
  
"Wait," Rachel moans. "Please…no…" Rachel whispers softly. "Not yet."   
  
Quinn pulls her leg away, but brings Rachel close and kisses Rachel's neck. "Okay," she says softly.    
  
"Are you sure that's okay with you?" Rachel asks hesitantly, pulling away slightly.    
  
"Yeah," Quinn says.    
  
"Really?" Rachel presses.    
  
"Yes," Quinn assures. "Of course it is."   
  
Rachel swallows hard. "Okay."   
  
They lie there for a few minutes in silence. The bed is such a  _mess_ that it's embarrassing. Quinn feels a little self-conscious lying naked in Rachel's bed. She has the dueling urges to get dressed and to never get dressed again.    
  
Rachel disengages from Quinn's grip and scoots away. Quinn frowns and pulls Rachel back. Rachel seems to relax and rests her head against Quinn's chest.    
  
Quinn strokes Rachel's hair. "This was the first time I….I've done this…with a girl," Quinn mumbles. She hesitates. "Was this your first time with a girl?" Quinn asks, mostly just to make conversation, because she knows Rachel's never been in a relationship with another girl. But sex and relationships are two different things, so she thought she'd clarify.    
  
Rachel freezes. "No," she admits quietly after some hesitation.    
  
Quinn frowns and pulls away to regard her. "I thought you said you've never dated a girl."   
  
"I haven't," Rachel says softly. "It…it wasn't a relationship."   
  
"Oh," Quinn says, and she's glad she asked because this is the kind of thing she wants to know.    
  
Hesitantly Rachel pushes closer to Quinn again.   
  
"Tell me about it," Quinn says, wrapping her arm around Rachel and kissing the top of her head.    
  
Rachel bites her lip. "It… it was my first time, and it was only once. She was the only girl I was ever with before you." She swallows hard. I was in middle school," she says. "In grade eight. She was a little older-- she was a senior in high school and she was on the glee team that my mom coached…"   
  
Quinn clenches her jaw. She knows Rachel has been with men, but to hear that she's been with another girl does make her a little jealous. And she's wary any time there is an age difference that significant, at least, significant back then.   
  
"A little old for you, don't you think? You were 13? She was 18?"   
  
"Yes," Rachel confirms. "She was always nice to me," Rachel says softly. "She was my mom's favorite student and I used to see her a lot. I knew her from when she was a freshman when my mom recruited her for her glee team. Anyway, when it happened, it was my mom's week with me, so I was waiting in the auditorium at Carmel-- that's where my mom teaches. After practice was over, my mom stopped to talk to one of her other performers and dismissed everyone else. I think she was going to yell at him so my mom made me leave, too. I was waiting outside for my mom and Sheryl sat next to me and waited with me. She…she said she's noticed I was staring at her for years, which…which was kind of true," Rachel admits. She falls silent.   
  
Quinn rubs Rachel's shoulder encouragingly, comfortingly. It's a little disturbing to see Rachel struggle to articulate herself.    
  
"She said she was graduating in a few weeks and she probably won't see me again, so she wanted to leave me with something good to remember her by. She asked me to come over to her house the next day. I told her I probably couldn't because I didn't have a ride and I really couldn’t go anywhere without one of my parents knowing. I knew where she lived because I was with my mom when we dropped her off once after a practice and I knew it was too far for me to get on my bike. It was about eight miles. She told me if I told my mom that I was going to a friend's house to study and just walk to the library, she'd pick me up and take me to her house. So I did."   
  
Quinn swallows hard. She doesn't really like where this is going.    
  
"I was so excited she wanted to spend time with me," Rachel says softly. "We listened to some music and we watched some of her past performances on DVD. But I was so nervous, too. I…I didn't have a lot of friends. My sister's always been my best friend and the friends I did have were in my grade. It was the first time I've ever hung out with someone older who wasn't one of my cousins. Sheryl mixed a few drinks for me because she said it would relax me, and it did make me feel better. I…I got pretty drunk." Rachel swallows hard. "She was so beautiful," she recalls softly. "It was hard not to stare at her and I felt so lucky to have her attention. I felt dizzy from the alcohol, so she told me to lie down in her bed." Rachel's voice halted. "Her bed smelled really good," she recalls. "Everything was really fuzzy from the alcohol and then…then she… she kissed me and started taking off my clothes. I…I wasn't ready for it, but I let her because she was paying attention to me and when someone that beautiful pays attention to you, you kind of let them do what they want, you know?"   
  
"Oh, Rachel," Quinn whispers. "Baby..." She doesn't know what to say. This story is making her feel more sad and angry than jealous, and it's a little unnerving because jealousy, she was ready for, but sad and angry, not so much.    
  
"She took off her clothes, too," Rachel says, her voice stark and low. "She was so beautiful. She looked like something out of a movie." Rachel takes a deep breath. "I…I was scared, but I was so excited, too. We started kissing for a while. It…" Rachel blushed. "She was my first real kiss, too," she whispered. "She said kissing was nice, but it was getting a little boring and then she…she…she asked me if I'd ever…" Rachel says, her face flushing. "She asked me if I'd ever eaten pussy or had my pussy licked," she mumbles in a rush, blushing deeply at the memory and Quinn knows Rachel is just reciting things verbatim, because those aren't words she's ever heard Rachel use and Rachel looks embarrassed for saying them. "I…I didn't even know you could  _do_  that back then. But she just seemed so confident, and like she was on the verge of laughing at me, so I told her I had done both." Rachel swallows hard. "It was so obvious I hadn't though, so she told me to relax and she started to…you know…" she trails off and shrugs.    
  
"You were just a kid," Quinn points out quietly.   
  
Rachel ignores the statement, seemingly caught up in the memory. "It felt so good, but I was so  _scared_ . I remember I told her to stop and she did. But she was really mad. She told me to get dressed and she'd take me home. But I...I didn't want to go home yet and she seemed so mad at me. I didn't want her to be that mad anymore, so I told her I didn't want to go home yet and she told me to…" Rachel trails off and swallows hard. "I didn't want to, but I didn't  _not_  want to. Does that make sense?" Rachel whispers.   
  
A lump has risen in the back of Quinn's throat. "Yeah," she says softly, pulling Rachel even closer. Rachel clings to her.   
  
"It was the only way she was going to let me stay with her," Rachel says weakly.   
  
Quinn wants to find this Sheryl and beat her senseless.   
  
"She told me not to be a baby about it, and told me if I wanted to hang out, I'd need to…you know…." Rachel whispers. "I…I was pretty drunk, and I wanted her, so I got on my back again and we started again," Rachel says. "B-but I was scared, so I…I told her to stop again and she did. And then I told her it was okay again and she…she got mad and said I could either leave or stay, but if I stayed and told her to stop again, I was forfeiting the right to have her stop." Rachel swallows hard. "She said I if I stayed, I couldn't vacillate anymore…I… I stayed and she…" Rachel's voice cracked. "Well, you know… I told her to stop a couple times, but she didn't and told me that I'd already agreed to it and already had my chance to go home and she warned me about vacillating. It…it felt good, so after a while I didn't want her to, so it was okay. And after she made me…" Rachel trails off uncomfortably. "Well, you know," Rachel says, her cheeks bright red. "She stood up and told me it was her turn now and to get on my knees." Rachel gulps. "I…I did and she told me what to do. She was…..she was really gentle with me then. I…I really liked it," Rachel whispers, her face turning red. "After we were done, she told me to get dressed." Rachel gulps audibly. "She drove me back to the library afterward because she said she couldn't risk driving me home and running into my mom. I thought…I thought she was my girlfriend because we'd…" Rachel trails off. "Anyway," Rachel says. "I was mistaken. She didn't want to date me. She told me she was flattered, but I was too young for her and she…" Rachel bites her lip. "She said I didn't particularly turn her on and that I…wasn't appealing enough, physically, for her to have sex with me again. A few weeks later, she graduated and I never saw her again."   
  
Quinn burns with rage. "I'll kill her," Quinn swears, sitting up in bed. "I'll enslave her family and her pets! I'll--"   
  
"She was kind of right," Rachel interjects softly, sitting up as well.    
  
"No, she wasn't!"   
  
"She was," Rachel says adamantly.    
  
"No, she wasn't!" Quinn exclaims, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation and anger.    
  
"She was," Rachel whispers. "She…she gave me a list which delineated her points very well."    
  
"WHAT?!" Quinn practically screams.    
  
Rachel reaches into her nightstand drawer and pulls out a piece of paper that's practically falling apart because it's been folded and refolded so many times.   
  
"When you're a performer, you have to be ready for criticism of every aspect of your performance, including personal appearance," Rachel says. "She… she wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn’t even acknowledge me anymore. It....it's not like I got to see her all that much-- just when it was my mom's week to have me and I'd have to wait for rehearsals to be over so we could go home. She wouldn't  _talk_  to me, so I rode my bike to her house one day and Sheryl was  _so_  mad. I just…I wanted to know why she didn't want to even look at me anymore and she said she'd tell me as long as I never told my mom. So, she gave me this," Rachel said, holding up piece of folded paper.   
  
Quinn's afraid to look, but she gently pulls it out of Rachel's hands, unable to believe Rachel has kept it for so long.   
  
She opens it carefully and reads the typewritten list. It's numbered 1-36 and it's the  _cruelest_  thing she's ever read.    
  
She only gets to number eight and she can't take it anymore. She crumbles it up in her hand. She can't imagine how a high school senior could be so cruel to an eighth-grader and some part of her suspects maybe it was a vendetta against Rachel's mother, but Rachel says this Sheryl was her mother's favorite student, so maybe not. It's just that Quinn can't imagine anyone being so willfully cruel to  _Rachel_  just for the sake of it.    
  
"Hey!" Rachel cries. "You're wrecking it!" she exclaims, trying to reach for it.    
  
Quinn pushes Rachel away and tears the offending document into pieces.    
  
"Quinn!" Rachel yells, tears forming in her eyes. "Why did you do that?!"   
  
"Why would you  _keep_  that?" Quinn asks. She's destroyed every reminder of her less-than-attractive past, like the yearbook she had in primary school which everyone refused to sign. She doesn't keep painful reminders of her past and she can't fathom how or why Rachel could. She wonders how many times Rachel's looked at it over the years because it's rumpled enough to indicate it's been touched a lot. The thought of that breaks Quinn's heart. She knows Rachel is irate, but she would tear that list up again, any time.    
  
"That wasn't yours!" Rachel shouts, angry tears falling down her cheeks. "How could you do that to something that wasn't yours?!"   
  
"She was so wrong!" Quinn shouts back."And you shouldn't have kept it!"   
  
"You had no right!"   
  
"She was wrong!" Quinn repeats. She softens and brings her hand to Rachel's cheek.    
  
Rachel moves her head away.    
  
"Rachel, you don't have to carry that with you, baby," Quinn murmurs. "She was  _wrong_ ."   
  
Rachel stares at the wall. "You had no right to do that," she seethes.    
  
"She was wrong," Quinn repeats.   
  
Rachel clenches her jaw, but doesn't say anything.    
  
"She was wrong," Quinn says quietly. "Let me show you how wrong," she pleads, kissing Rachel's neck. Her hands drift to Rachel's stomach and start to move lower.    
  
Rachel freezes. "I'm…I'm not ready for that," she stutters.   
  
"We don't have to do that," Quinn murmurs. "Just lie down, okay?"   
  
"I'm still mad at you for ripping that up!"   
  
"Lie down," Quinn whispers, pushing on Rachel's shoulders   
  
Rachel glares but obliges. "I'm still mad!"   
  
"I know, baby," Quinn murmurs. "But you still need to know how wrong she was because you obviously don't know." Quinn brings her mouth close to Rachel ear and gives it a tiny nibble before she strokes Rachel's hair. "Your hair smells amazing," Quinn breathes. "It always smells so amazing." She runs her finger across one of Rachel's eyebrows and then kisses Rachel's forehead. She fingers the scar there. "This scar? It's cute," Quinn murmurs. "One day, you'll have to tell me how you got it." She kisses Rachel's nose. "I love this nose," she whispers. "I wouldn't change this nose for anything in the world. I wouldn't change you. I wouldn't change anything about you. You're so beautiful. God, you're so perfect." She nuzzles Rachel's cheek and kisses Rachel's lips. "And you are such amazing kisser," Quinn whispers, kissing and then licking Rachel's neck. "You taste so good," Quinn moans.    
  
Rachel releases a low groan. "Quinn…"   
  
"I'm not done yet," Quinn says, her voice low. She massages both of Rachel's breasts with her hands. "These breasts? When I finally got to taste them, I got so wet. It's better than I could have dreamed. I've fantasized about what they tasted like and it was so much better than I imagined."   
  
Quinn has no idea what's coming over her. She's never spoken this way. She's never even had the urge to, because she'd long concluded dirty talk was kind of lame on top of being needlessly raunchy. But now that she's started, she just can't stop.    
  
Rachel moans. "Quinn…"   
  
"Are you wet, baby?" Quinn breathes into Rachel's ear. "Am I making you wet? Because I'm wet."   
  
A strangled noise comes from Rachel's throat, and she pants before answering. "Yes," Rachel manages, the word choked.    
  
Quinn can't resist the urge to suck on Rachel's nipples again. Quinn toys with Rachel's breasts for a while, enjoying the way Rachel becomes breathy and begins moaning her name over and over again.    
  
She works her way down. "You have the best body I've ever seen," Quinn tells Rachel, kissing her belly. "You're the one I think about at night when I touch myself," she whispers in Rachel's ear. "I think about you and I always,  _always_  come so hard, baby," she breathes.    
  
Rachel moans. "Quinn." Her fingers clench into Quinn's hair.    
  
Quinn kisses a trail down Rachel's abdomen and then stops at Rachel's pussy. Quinn stares at it for a moment. Rachel is so wet, Quinn can smell her and she feels  _drunk_  with lust.    
  
"You smell so good," Quinn moans and she desperately wants to taste Rachel.    
  
Quinn has given men blow jobs and always felt disgusting afterward. She never enjoyed giving them-- it just felt and tasted nasty to her. She did it because she felt obliged. But at the moment, she wants to just stick her tongue into Rachel  _so_  bad. But Rachel isn't ready and Quinn respects that.    
  
"Fuck, baby," Quinn moans. "God, I bet you taste so good."   
  
A low moan growls from deep in Rachel's throat.    
  
Quinn knows if she stares too long, she won't be able to resist, because she's that desperate for a taste. She moves on and lays kisses on Rachel's inner thighs. She kisses a trail down Rachel's legs to her ankles. "You have the most amazing legs I've ever seen," she whispers, raising Rachel's right leg and planting a kiss on Rachel's inner ankle. "Every time I see you in shorts or a skirt, I want to do  _things_  with you. I bought a vibrator because of you."   
  
Rachel moans loudly. Quinn places another kiss on Rachel's ankle and then grins against Rachel's skin. She clambers up the length of Rachel's body and straddles Rachel's stomach. She hears Rachel gasp when the wet folds of her pussy collide with the skin of Rachel's abdomen. Quinn lifts Rachel's arm and bends down to kiss Rachel's inner elbow. "Your arms? Beautiful," she murmurs. "They're perfect." She grabs Rachel's left hand with her own and laces their fingers together. "You're a perfect fit," she murmurs. She kisses Rachel's palm and then turns Rachel's hand over and kisses the back of Rachel's hand. She brushes kisses across each knuckle and then pulls Rachel's index finger into her mouth and begins to suck. She tastes something indescribable with just a slight tang and Quinn realizes she's tasting  _Rachel_ . Knowing Rachel fucked herself with those fingers and now she gets to taste them gets Quinn even wetter. She rubs her pussy on Rachel's stomach, and moans at how amazing it feels. She can't help herself-- she begins to grind herself against Rachel, trying desperately to get herself off.    
  
"You taste so good," Quinn whispers as she humps herself on Rachel's stomach. She sucks on Rachel's fingers, greedy for more of a taste. "You touched yourself and now I can taste you. And God, these fingers. I can just imagine you fucking me with these fingers and I love it." Quinn continues to hump herself against Rachel's stomach and she's  _so_  close. "I love every inch of you," Quinn moans. "I love everything about you." Quinn swallows hard. "God," she says, her voice cracking. "Rachel, I love you," Quinn says breathlessly. And she realizes it's true. She loves every square inch of the body writhing below her. She loves everything about this girl. She  _loves_  this girl. She is in love and she's finally ready to admit it.    
  
Rachel's breathing is erratic and Quinn grabs both of Rachel's hands in her own and grips them hard. Quinn is  _so_  close and it will just take a little more pressure.   
  
Beneath her, Rachel's rubbing her thighs together which makes her stomach muscles move which makes it all the more pleasurable for Quinn to ride Rachel's stomach. Rachel's eyes are wide as she stares up at Quinn and Quinn can't tear her gaze away.    
  
Just when Quinn is  _so_ close, Rachel goes completely still, her eyes squeeze shut and she releases a guttural scream.    
  
Quinn pauses, wondering if what she thinks happened actually did happen.   
  
"Did you just come?" Quinn asks.   
  
Rachel looks embarrassed, but she nods.   
  
"Wow, that is so hot," Quinn whispers, resuming her grinding on Rachel's stomach. "I didn't even touch you there."   
  
"You don't have to," Rachel whispers. She blushes furiously. "I think I could do  _that_  just by looking at you. You're so beautiful," she says sincerely. "I…I get wet just looking at you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever known," she says sincerely.   
  
Quinn swallows hard and her motions become more frenzied and finally, she gets it  _just_  right and she feels a flood shoot out of her, covering Rachel's stomach. She moves again and moans when she has another orgasm and feels another gush squirt out of her, coating Rachel's breasts.    
  
"Oh my God," Quinn says, mortified when she realizes what happened. Rachel's breasts and torso are covered in her come. It looks completely pornographic and Quinn is embarrassed, but also a little proud because Rachel looks completely dumbfounded. She's lying there, her hair is a mess, her eyes are practically black with lust and she's breathing hard.    
  
Quinn watches as Rachel brings her own hand to her stomach and wipes at it with a finger. She brings her finger, coated with Quinn's come, tentatively to her mouth, and sucks on it. She shuts her eyes and lets out a tiny moan.    
  
"You taste so good, baby," Rachel moans. "God, I knew you would."   
  
Quinn swallows hard and watches as Rachel brings another finger to wipe across her stomach and sucks on that finger again.    
  
"You taste so good…I…I need…"   
  
"What do you need, baby?" Quinn whispers. "Tell me what you need."   
  
"I need to taste you," Rachel whimpers.    
  
"Are you sure?" Quinn breathes. "You said you weren't ready. It's okay if you don't," she assures sincrely. "I love you."   
  
"I'm ready," Rachel whispers.    
  
"Okay, baby, I'll lay down and--"   
  
"No," Rachel whispers. "I need…I need…"   
  
"What?"Quinn whispers.    
  
"Fuck my face, Quinn." Rachel whispers it and immediately her face reddens. She covers her face with her hand. She releases a low, embarrassed groan. "Oh my God," she squeaks out. "I can't believe I said that! Can you believe I said that? Why isn't there a more tactful way of saying that? You would think there would be a more polite way of asking since it is quite a big thing to accommodate! Though more for me than for you, not that I am saying your part is easy, because I've never done that and so I can't begin to say. I'd imagine it would require strong thigh muscles." Rachel is rambling nonsensically, which she only does when she's really nervous or embarrassed.    
  
Quinn laughs gently. "You know I'm stupid for you, right?" she asks softly. "Relax, baby," she coos.    
  
Rachel's cheeks are still bright pink, but she smiles and gives a slow, shy nod. "I'm very stupid for you," she says, her eyes very serious.    
  
"What is it that you want me to do, exactly?" Quinn asks, because the request seems pretty straight-forward, but this is their first time together and she doesn't want to do anything that is going to ruin everything by being presumptuous.    
  
"Sit on my face, baby," Rachel requests softly, her voice cracking slightly. She bites her lower lip. She looks so embarrassed.   
  
That gets Quinn so wet, she can barely stand it. She wants to do that more than anything else. But she's nervous. "I've never done that."   
  
It seems really…advanced, especially for their first time.   
  
"Please," Rachel groans. "I want to try it. I've never done that either. But I don't want to waste a drop of you. Fuck my face, baby. I really want to make you feel good."   
  
"Okay," Quinn acquiesces breathlessly. Briefly, she thinks about how this is  _so_  not how she thought she'd spend this day or else she would have chosen a much cuter bra-and-panty set And dear God, that is yet another thing she's embarrassed about, albeit a little belatedly. Her bra and underwear don't even  _match_ . Her bra is blue and her underwear is  _green_  with the word 'Monday' printed on it. It's  _not_  Monday and Quinn feel weirdly mortified for herself, but she pushes that aside though in the back of her mind, Quinn can hear Santana jeering "Quinn's colorblind!" for the clashing bra-and-underwear set.    
  
She gets up on her knees and walks on them until her pussy is positioned over Rachel's face. She looks down and sees Rachel lick her lips and give a slight nod.    
  
Quinn lowers herself down, pushing most of her weight onto her knees and leaning forward to grip the headboard in both hands.    
  
She feels Rachel lick her, tentatively at first, and then more firmly. Quinn's body shudders in pleasure and she feels Rachel lick up and then down a few times before sticking her tongue inside Quinn. Quinn grunts as Rachel eats her out and she finds herself lowering herself down, desperately rubbing herself into Rachel's face. She cries out when Rachel's lips find her clit and Quinn becomes undone as she rubs herself into Rachel's face and Rachel sucks on her clit. She comes with a scream and she's completely  _un_ self-conscious as she does so.    
  
She nearly comes again when she sees Rachel lick her lips, capturing a last taste of her.    
  
"You're  _delectable_ ," Rachel moans.    
  
It takes Quinn a while to catch her breath. Her pussy twitches and she feels like asking Rachel for another go-around. Quinn curses her libido. She's never been that interested in sex before-- she truly can count the number of times she's had sex on her two hands. Rachel is the fourth person she's had sex with, but this is only the ninth time she's had sex and now she just can't get enough. She used to want to get it over with, but now all she wants is to have sex with Rachel until the end of fucking  _time_ . This must be why Santana and Brittany can never keep their hands off each other, because now that she's experienced being with someone she actually  _wants_  to be with, it's all she wants to do. In fact, at the moment, she doesn't care if she ever eats or drinks again, or if she ever gets out of this bed. She just wants to have sex with Rachel.    
  
God, sex is so embarrassing.    
  
"Baby?" Quinn asks mildly. She cups Rachel's pussy, feels Rachel tense a little. "Can I?" she asks, because she knows that just because Rachel was ready to touch her doesn't mean Rachel is ready to be touched herself.    
  
Rachel releases a breath and then nods. "Okay," she whispers. She swallows hard. "Touch me, please," she whimpers. "Quinn."   
  
Quinn fingers Rachel and moans when she realizes how wet Rachel is. Everything feels slick and Quinn just has to touch Rachel and her hand is completely coated. She feels amazing. Quinn pumps her hand between Rachel's thighs, and delights in every moan, grunt and groan. Rachel's practically  _purring_  and she knows Rachel is close. The way Rachel's pussy clenches around her fingers feels amazing. She just senses when Rachel is getting close, and so Quinn pulls her hand away and brings her mouth between Rachel's legs. She moans as she finally gets a taste of what she's been  _dying_  for.    
  
It feels so  _right_  and Rachel tastes so good. Quinn has never enjoyed sex this much-- never thought she  _could_ . She sticks her tongue inside Rachel and swirls it around, she makes a heart shape with her tongue on Rachel's clit and revels in the obvious pleasure Rachel feels. And as she makes Rachel come so hard, the brunette  _screams_ , Quinn knows sex with guys never felt right because she's a lesbian.    
  
The thought hits her hard as she thinks about all the time she's wasted pretending to be someone else and how Rachel came along, brash, but sweet, and changed  _everything_ .    
  
"What's wrong?" Rachel asks, lying next to Quinn. She's out of breath, but she looks worried. "Did I do something? You look so sad. Was I…not…" she swallows hard. "Wasn't I good? Did….did you find something wrong…um, with me?"   
  
"It's not that," Quinn whispers hurriedly, hugging Rachel close and kissing her temple because Rachel looks and sounds just a little too fragile for her liking. "You were perfect. There's  _nothing_  wrong with you. Today was amazing," she sighs. "It was the best day."   
  
"Then what's wrong?" Rachel asks quietly. "You look so sad."   
  
Quinn's eyes well with tears. "I'm gay," she whispers.   
  
Rachel looks at her blankly. "Well…" she looks confused. "So am I. I think that's why this day happened, sweetheart. It probably required that both of us--"   
  
"No,  _you're_  bisexual," Quinn interrupts, her voice a whisper. "I'm  _gay_ ."   
  
Rachel bites her lip. "Is that a problem for you?"   
  
"I just…I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working with guys. I  _hated_  having sex with them. "   
  
"I thought it wasn't working because I just hadn't met the right guy. And then I met  _you_ …"    
  
Rachel says nothing, but presses the back of her hand to Quinn's cheek.    
  
"I've only ever been attracted to girls," Quinn confesses. "You more than anyone else, ever. I thought…I thought there was something  _wrong_  with me. My dad, he used to…." Quinn trails off. "He was very religious," Quinn says softly. "He used to have our own family Bible studies on Saturday nights, and it was always about the things you could do to wind up in Hell." Quinn rubs her throat, trying to rub away the lump that's formed there. "He caught me once kissing this girl who lived down the street from us. I was five."   
  
"Innocent sexual play like that is very normal at that age," Rachel comforts. "I kissed my entire first grade class when I was five. The school sent a very strongly worded letter to my parents. I was in a lot of trouble, but I didn't care because I was only trying to demonstrate my affection and I have no regrets because it formed relationships with people which last to this day."   
  
Unable to help it, Quinn laughs, because she can kind of picture Rachel at age five kissing her friends, without any regard to gender, simply out of innocent affection. Rachel still radiates that innocent sweetness, and the image of Rachel gracing other children with kisses makes Quinn smile. But she quickly becomes somber again as she recalls the fury on her father's face when he caught her kissing that other child. It was so long ago, but the image of his rage-contorted features is etched into her memory and she can almost feel the harsh grip of his hand on her elbow as he yanked her away and dragged her home while she sobbed and apologized the whole way. She can still remember the sting of his belt on her bare backside before her made her pray away her alleged sins. "He was  _so_  mad," Quinn recalls. "He made me get on my knees and pray for  _hours_ . He wouldn't let me get up. And every time after that, if he saw me looking at another girl for too long, he'd... he'd make me do it again. I tried  _not_  to, I didn't even know I was doing it. But if we were out and he saw me look at another girl, I knew what I was in for when I got home."   
  
"Your mom didn't stop him?" Rachel asked quietly, eyes solemn. She strokes Quinn's hair.    
  
Quinn burrows her forehead into Rachel's neck. "He always said I was being punished for something else. And I don't think she knew exactly what he did. He always handled the discipline and we'd go into my room, so she didn't see it. I was always kind of out of sight, out of mind for her back then. I don't think my mom really cared about me all that much when my dad lived with us-- she loved him more. He…he said that if he told my mom the truth about why he was punishing me, she'd put me out on the street. He said he was actually saving my life and that I should be grateful to him."   
  
"Quinn," Rachel murmurs. She holds onto Quinn tightly. "Baby…"   
  
"I was so glad when he left," Quinn admits. "I missed him so much, but I was so glad when he gone-- I was scared he'd come back."   
  
"That's understandable, baby. You only deserve the best," Rachel says as she kisses Quinn's temple.    
  
"I thought he left because of me," Quinn whispers. "Because of how disgusting I was."   
  
"You could never be disgusting," Rachel soothes. "I can't get enough of you."   
  
"I'd have to face the wall," Quinn whispers, teary-eyed. "We would be in my room and he would sit on the bed and watch me pray. I'd have to stay on my knees and I'd have to hold my arms up in the air. For  _hours_ . And he kept making me say those verses in Leviticus. You know, Leviticus 18:22 'do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable' and Leviticus 20:13 'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads,'" Quinn recites, sniffling. "My knees and my arms were so sore. But I knew I couldn't show weakness, but it hurt  _so_  bad, Rachel."   
  
Rachel strokes Quinn's hair. "I know, baby," she comforts. "You didn't deserve that, sweetheart. You were just a little kid. I would give anything to go back in time to protect you." She hugs Quinn tightly and Quinn holds onto her.    
  
"But if I tried to get up, he'd hit me with a belt," Quinn whispers starkly. "And he'd add another hour to my punishment." Quinn wipes at her eyes. "I was  _so_  scared," she says softly. "I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was  _sick_ . And I kept hoping eventually I'd meet this amazing guy and I'd fall in love with  _him_  and I'd have a chance at being  _normal_ ." She sniffles and runs her forearm across her nose. "But now there's  _you_ ," Quinn says, her voice cracking. "And everything is  _amazing_  and now I know for sure. I'm gay," Quinn whispers. "And that's…that's…" Quinn's voice cracks.   
  
"Baby," Rachel comforts softly. "It's okay…you don't have to decide anything. You don't have to put a label on anything."   
  
"I know," Quinn says quietly. "But I'm gay, Rachel."   
  
"It's okay, Quinn," Rachel says softly.    
  
"I…I feel okay," Quinn whispers. "I mean, I feel  _really_  okay. I feel good, in fact," Quinn says. "And not for the reasons you'd expect," she jokes with a tiny laugh. "Although that, too." She wipes at her eyes. "I finally feel okay. More than okay."   
  
Rachel smiles and kisses Quinn's cheek. "Good," she says softly.    
"Things make sense now," Quinn whispers. "I make sense now. Like, to myself."   
  
"Good," Rachel says softly.   
  
"I'm gay," Quinn whispers.   
  
"Okay," Rachel murmurs. "It's okay, baby. Okay, fine. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're still just figuring it out. I don't know. You're the only person who can decide. But it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight or bisexual. You're still you. And you're perfect. And I love you."   
  
Quinn laughs softly and swats at Rachel's shoulder. "You don't have to butter me up, we already had sex."   
  
Rachel blushes, but she smiles at Quinn. "You're perfect. I'm not trying to butter you up, it's just a statement of fact."   
  
Quinn takes a deep breath. "You…you like guys, right?" she asks tentatively.   
  
"I do," Rachel confirms. "I have to confess I've usually been more attracted to men. But I'm  _most_  attracted to  _you_  and I love  _you_ . I feel really blessed I met you."   
  
Quinn swallows hard and pulls Rachel into a tight hug. "I love you, too," she declares thickly. She holds onto Rachel fiercely. She can't bear the thought of losing this girl because Rachel's made everything make sense. For the first time in her life, she doesn't feel like this sick  _thing_ , she just feels like a girl. And she's a girl in love for the first time and it feels  _amazing_ . This amazing girl  _loves_  her back, hell, she even said it first with no demands that it be reciprocated. If someone like Rachel can love her, Quinn knows she can't be that bad and isn't the awful thing she's thought she was for her entire life.    
  
"The first time I ever saw you," Rachel starts.   
  
"You mean sneaking out of Finn and Puck's dorm room after you hooked up with Finn?" Quinn interrupts, teasingly.   
  
Rachel snorts and swats Quinn's shoulder. "Yes. Now shut up," she says, brushing her lips against Quinn's temple. "The first time I ever saw you, I thought to myself, 'I must figure out a way to get close to this girl,' and I was so happy we both knew someone in common," Rachel says, leaving out the person they both knew back then was Hope. "And when you spoke to me at the library a couple days later, I was so happy, I almost screamed. Do you remember that day?" she asks softly.   
  
"Of course," Quinn replies.   
  
"I left that day because I couldn't take it anymore. I was too giddy. I  _skipped_  to my car, baby. I looked like an idiot. And then I  _felt_  like an idiot when I realized I didn't get your number. I was so glad when I got another chance when Audrey and I saw you in the grocery store. You're incredible, Quinn, and you don't even know it, which makes you even more incredible. One day, you're going to realize what a  _gift_  you are and how blessed the rest of us are to have you in our lives. I used to feel occasional regret about not going to NYU. But I feel lucky that I passed up NYU to come here because I got to meet you which was the best thing I could have done for myself. I used to  _long_  for someone like you, but I never believed you could be real, but you are."   
  
"You panty dropper," Quinn teases, though she's so touched she can cry again, but she's already mortified she's done the cliché thing and cried after sex, so she doesn't want to make an even bigger dork out of herself. "I told you, I've already had sex with you, you can stop being so charming."   
  
"Oh?" Rachel says. "Okay," She began nudging Quinn's hip with her toe. "Go make me a sandwich, woman! And a smoothie! And bake me a vegan cake as fast as you can! And slice an apple for me!"   
  
Quinn shakes her head. "Okay, be charming again," she says wryly.   
  
Rachel chuckles and kisses Quinn's nose. "Why don't you go shower. I'll change my sheets and you can lounge in bed and I'll make you dinner and bring it to you in bed. You can stay the night and then I'll bring you breakfast in bed tomorrow before I drive you to school and walk you to your first class."   
  
"Panty dropper," Quinn mutters.    
  
Rachel smiles impishly. "I can make you that meat ravioli that you like," she offers.    
  
Quinn's stomach growls at the thought and Rachel smiles. "Take a shower, and then you can borrow something to wear, okay"   
  
"Okay," Quinn says softly.   
  
Rachel gets out of bed and Quinn watches as Rachel walks to her bureau and opens a drawer. She puts on a tank top, some underwear and a pair of shorts and glances behind her. Their eyes meet and Quinn blushes because she's been caught staring.    
  
Rachel's cheeks redden. "Do I look different horizontal than I do vertical?" she asks self-consciously.    
  
Quinn stares at her blankly for a moment and then chuckles softly at the question's absurdity. "You're gorgeous," she murmurs.    
  
Rachel's blush deepens and she ducks her head. "I…I'll give you some privacy so you can get in the shower," she says softly, before leaving the room.   
  
Quinn lies back down on the bed for a moment and stares up at the ceiling contemplating the last few hours. She laughs happily and covers her face with one hand-- she can't believe the day she just had.    
  
She gets up to take a shower and can't help but sing as she does.   
\--


	5. Chapter 5

-   
When Quinn gets back into the room, she sees that the sheets and comforter have been changed. She smiles a little at that and walks to Rachel's bureau and opens the third drawer. The way Rachel organizes her clothing in her closets and drawers with such precision and perfection makes Quinn a little jealous in admiration, even though it's a little serial killer-y. Just for the hell of it, Quinn musses the drawer up a bit, but not enough that it would cause outrage (she hopes). She pulls out a plain white t-shirt and puts it on. She opens Rachel's lingerie drawer and stares at Rachel's underwear. The thought of borrowing a pair of Rachel's underwear makes her blush, but the thought of not wearing underwear makes her blush harder. She's torn, but then decide that considering she was aching to go down on Rachel just a little while ago, borrowing clean underwear is not a big deal. Quinn pulls on a pair of simple black underwear and then opens Rachel's second drawer again and pulls out a pair of red shorts and puts them on.    
  
She sits on the bed and finishes drying off her hair and then walks back into Rachel's bathroom.    
  
She's never had to deal with the immediate aftermath of sex-- she's always bolted right after. She hesitantly puts her hand out toward Rachel's hairbrush and then pulls it back, worried Rachel would get upset if she uses her hairbrush-- it's possible Rachel is uptight about that kind of thing even if she's never actually expressed a stance on sharing hairbrushes. Quinn's fairly certain Rachel would be all  _Dear Abby_  about it and be opposed.    
  
Except they've spent the past few hours having sex and Quinn's certain that's way more personal than sharing a hairbrush, so she throws caution to the wind, and runs the brush, quickly, through her hair. Just to be on the safe side though, she pulls the hair out of the brush and throws it in the trash can, runs the brush under hot water for a few minutes and then shakes it off.    
  
Some droplets of water get on the mirror and Quinn growls in frustration because Rachel is a total neat freak. She grabs some toilet paper and wipes off the mirror. She stares at her reflection and bites her lip. She feels a little self-conscious about Rachel seeing her without any make-up. She has her make-up in her purse, but she knows without using her toner and moisturizer, it won't absorb right.    
  
Rachel uses Clinique products, and they actually use the same stuff, so Quinn grabs a cotton ball, gets some toner and wipes it across her face. She waits a minute for it to absorb and then uses Rachel's moisturizer. She hopes Rachel doesn't mind.    
  
She grabs her purse and pulls out her make-up bag, but then hesitates. She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to be that girl who's  _that_  insecure, even if she  _is_  that girl. She needs to let out her crazy in small doses, and she's already let out way more than she should have this night-- even if Rachel seems okay with it.    
  
Quinn throws her make-up bag in her purse and takes a deep breath. No make-up. If she can sit on Rachel's face, she can certainly allow Rachel to see her without make-up. Quinn gives herself a small, affirming nod in the mirror and practices smiling. She doesn't like the way she looks without make-up, but then she thinks of Rachel and can't help smiling genuinely.    
  
She goes back into the bedroom and sits in the bed for a few minutes. She can hear Rachel cooking in the kitchen and the food smells delicious. She knows Rachel offered to bring her dinner in bed, but she's starting to feel lonesome without Rachel. She's never felt the need to be physically close to the person she's had sex with before- because she's always cut and run as soon as she could. She doesn't want to be a needy-after-sex girl. It's unnerving and frightening to be that girl and the fact she wants to hug Rachel and not let her go also makes Quinn want to run and not look back. But she could never do that to Rachel-- she knows full well doing that to Rachel would irreparably damage a relationship she's desperate to maintain.    
  
Quinn takes a deep breath, gets off the bed and walks to the door. She hesitates before she opens the door, takes another deep breath and opens it. She walks into the hallway and just watches Rachel in the kitchen for a moment.    
  
Rachel looks  _beautiful_ . She's turned on some music and she's now singing along as she stirs the pasta sauce.    
  
"No no no no no, don't tell me that everything's gone wrong," Rachel sings. "Don't don't don't you know that this time we'll be strong? 'Cause when artboy meets artgirl there's gonna be love-- if artgirl needs artboy enough." Rachel begins swaying, "Then the world just stops and then everyone starts dancing," Rachel sings, throwing her hands in the air and waving them. She shakes her butt a few times.   
  
Quinn grins and she's content to just watch, but then Rachel looks up and their eyes meet.    
  
They both blush, duck their heads and look away.    
  
Quinn knows it's kind of silly to be so embarrassed to see Rachel. Not too long ago they were talking to each other like porn stars and now they can barely make eye-contact. Quinn can see that even Rachel's ears are red.   
  
"Hi," Rachel calls out. She meets Quinn's eyes and smiles bashfully. She looks away and then looks back. "Hi," she repeats. She gives Quinn a shy wave which makes Quinn smile.    
  
"Hi," Quinn says softly. Hesitantly, she makes her way to Rachel and wraps her arms around Rachel's waist, so they are face to face. She presses her cheek to Rachel's. Rachel's cheek feels really warm and the blush deepens. "Are you okay?" she asks quietly.   
  
"Yeah," Rachel says. She pauses. "Are you?" she asks shyly.   
  
"Yeah," Quinn assures quietly.    
  
They pull apart and stare at one another for a moment, before they both look away.    
  
This is so embarrassing.   
  
"Anything I can help you with?" Quinn asks.   
  
"No," Rachel says cheerfully. "I've got it."   
  
"Oh, okay," Quinn says. She's not sure what to do, so she just sits down at Rachel's kitchen table and watches Rachel cook.   
  
Rachel's not singing along to the music anymore and Quinn's not sure what to do because it's all so  _awkward_ .    
  
Quinn's stewing in self-reproach. Of  _course_  they're both embarrassed, especially because of all the things she said to Rachel while they were having sex. It's so not the kind of thing people are supposed to say to each other the first time. Maybe,  _ever_ .    
  
After a few minutes, Rachel shuts off her burners and then takes a seat next to Quinn. She rubs Quinn's back. "This is awkward, isn't it?" she asks gently.   
  
"So awkward," Quinn agrees.   
  
"I hypothesize that this is because of our generation's easy access to pornography which has given us a very good how-to manual on how to have sex, but has not given us a good model on what comes afterward. Not that we should look to pornography for such things." Rachel offers. "I really feel pornography's relationship to romance is inversely proportional."   
Quinn stares at Rachel for a moment and then breaks into raucous laughter. She hugs Rachel and buries her face in her neck.   
  
She loves this girl.   
\--   
  
They eat at the table and before they get back into bed, Rachel pulls out her iPhone. "Smile for the camera, baby," Rachel says, putting her arm around Quinn and holding the phone up so it could take a picture of the both of them.   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes at Rachel's compulsive need to document milestones in their courtship, but she grins for the camera anyway. And then she grabs her phone so she can do the same, because she honestly wants to remember this day and night for the rest of her life. 

\----

 

Quinn walks to class one day when she sees Rachel walking alone, hips swaying to whatever beat she's listening. Rachel has on her enormous blue headphones and Quinn knows Rachel is in her own world. She's never met anyone who genuinely loves music as much as Rachel does. Rachel isn't one of those people who gets obsessed with being the first person to know of a band, or bragging about knowing of an artist before the artist became famous. Instead, Rachel genuinely just loves listening to music, and is totally unembarrassed about what she's listening to-- even when she should be, like when Quinn caught her belting out 'Macarena' and doing the accompanying dance moves. Quinn doesn't bother calling Rachel on the phone, because she knows that Rachel is likely listening to her iPod and not her iPhone, so she won't hear the phone ring anyway, and Rachel's too far away for Quinn to yell, even if Rachel weren't wearing headphones.  
  
Quinn makes a mad dash to catch up with her and then casually falls into step with Rachel. Rachel turns to her right to see who is walking so closely and then smiles happily when she realizes who has invaded her personal space.   
  
"Quinn!" she exclaims, stopping. She pulls the headphones off, so they hang around her neck and grabs the blonde into a tight hug. She rocks Quinn to-and-fro. "Hello!" she says happily. "How are you, friend?" she asks, letting Quinn go-- reluctantly, it seems.   
  
"Hi," Quinn says softly, grinning because Rachel looks positively  _elated_  to see her.  
  
"My favorite person in this whole, big, wide world!" Rachel chirps, her eyes wide. She puts her hands in the air and stretches them to the side as if to illustrate the width of the world. Quinn wants to laugh because Rachel's arm span is not very long at all. "I'm so glad you're here!"  
  
"Oh?" Quinn teases with a crooked smile. "And why is that? Do you need some money?" she jokes, patting her empty coat pockets. She turns the pockets inside out, showing just how empty they are and pretends to look sad. "I can't help you there, friend."  
  
Rachel giggles and grabs Quinn's arms and clutches it close. "Because I was lonely!" Rachel exclaims with a smile. "And I missed you. But now I have the joy and honor of walking you to your sociology class." Rachel practically bounces as she walks alongside Quinn.   
  
Quinn laughs-- Rachel's giddiness is infectious.   
  
"Oh, I see," Quinn says with a big grin. "I missed you, too," she murmurs. She pulls her arm away from Rachel to tap Rachel's headphones with her index finger. "What are you listening to?"  
  
"Oh!" Rachel exclaims. "I have something for us! Get your earburds out, okay?" she asks, as she fishes through her purse.  
  
"Uh, okay," Quinn says, rifling through her purse to pull her earbuds out of her iPod. "I've got them."  
  
Rachel holds up something heart-shaped."Voila!"  
  
Quinn squints. "What is that?"  
  
"It's a splitter!" Rachel explains with a wide smile. She pulls her headphones out of her iPod and plugs the splitter into the iPod and then plugs her headphones into the splitter. Then she holds out her hand. "Milady, your earbuds please," she says with faux primness.  
  
Giggling, Quinn passes them to Rachel, who takes them and plugs them into the splitter. Quinn puts on the earbuds and music fills her ears.   
  
Rachel's listening to Martha Reeves sing 'Dancing in the Street' and Quinn has the dorky and totally irrational desire to grab Rachel by the hand and start dancing. But she resists. She thinks of telling Rachel, "you make me feel like dancing," but she resists that urge, too, because it's too corny. They walk next to one another, occasionally looking at each other and exchanging smiles.   
  
Quinn can see Rachel moving her lips, so even though Quinn can't hear her, she knows Rachel is singing, quietly, along.  
  
'All you need is music, sweet music,' Martha Reeves sings.   
  
Rachel turns to give Quinn a big grin. Quinn grins back and nods emphatically. She wants to tell Rachel, 'yes, yes, that is all we're ever going to need,' because she's certain that as long as Rachel can hear music and can sing, she'll be happy and in that moment, Quinn feels like she'll be happy as long as Rachel is happy.   
  
The next song that comes up on Rachel's iPod is 'Lover's Spit,' which Quinn's loves, but also feels is a disgusting name for such a pretty song. Still, it's a chilly January day and the temperature gives Quinn a good excuse to bundle closer to Rachel, despite the fact the wind makes their hair blow around and whip each other in the face. Neither of them seems to mind.   
  
The song seems perfect for the relatively gloomy day and Quinn takes a deep breath and releases it. It's cold enough that Quinn can see her breath. She tentatively reaches for Rachel's hand and her hand curls around Rachel's fingers. Quinn glances at Rachel to gauge Rachel's reaction, and Rachel smiles at her. Rachel moves her hand so their fingers interlock and Quinn's conscious of the fact a few people stare at them, but most people don't seem to care they're holding hands because most people are too immersed in their own world to care about them. Quinn wonders to herself why she spent so much of her life caring what other people thought when the vast majority of people really aren't paying attention.   
  
She frowns a little because Rachel's hand feels abnormally warm. Rachel has a naturally high body temperature, so she can wear the most obscenely short dresses and skimpy outfits in the middle of winter, but even for Rachel, her hands feel pretty warm. Quinn ignores the concern though, because she has a tendency toward being histrionic when it comes to Rachel.   
  
They reach the building Quinn's class is housed in and Quinn thinks Rachel will just leave, but instead, Rachel walks her all the way to classroom.   
  
Quinn pulls out the earbuds from her ears and Rachel pulls them from the iPod splitter. Rachel pulls off her headphones.   
  
"Thanks for walking me to class," Quinn says quietly.  
  
"The pleasure and privilege was mine," Rachel sings with a tiny grin. She turns her head quickly, covers her mouth and sneezes. She turns back to Quinn, eyes wide. "Bless me! I demand you bless me!"  
  
Quinn laughs. "God bless you," she murmurs. "I would have gotten around to it, if you weren't so demanding and jumped to conclusions that I wasn't going to say it." She grins when Rachel blushes. "Oh, baby," she murmurs. "You're cute." She puts her hand to Rachel's cheek and frowns. Despite how cold it is outside, Rachel just feels  _really_  warm. Sure, she calls Rachel 'my little furnace' when they cuddle, but this is still a little much. "Are you feeling okay? You feel a little warm."  
  
Rachel swats at Quinn's hand and thumps her chest with a fist. "I never get sick!"  
  
"No, really," Quinn presses. "Are you feeling okay? I think you're running a fever."  
  
"Really? I better go catch it then!" Rachel jokes. She frowns. "Did that make sense? I think that's actually the punchline to the joke about my refrigerator running," she says, chewing her lower lip contemplatively. "Hm."  
  
Quinn rolls her eyes and presses her hand to Rachel's cheek again. "Seriously, Rachel. Are you feeling okay?"   
  
Rachel smiles wryly. "I've felt a little tired lately," she admits. "But it's almost the weekend, so I'll get a lot of sleep then. I feel fine. Don't worry."  
  
"Okay," Quinn says softly, because Rachel has this stop-asking-me-questions look on her face and she doesn't want to push. "Thanks for walking me to class," she drawls before she goes into class.   
  
The class is only fifty minutes long, and afterward, she's done with classes for the day. She pulls out her phone to text Rachel, and asks if she can stop by Rachel's apartment. It's Thursday, and Thursdays tend to be night of the weekly dinners Rachel hosts at her apartment. Hope, Jesse, Santana and Brittany are always invited and there's often at least one or two other people who get invited by Rachel, because Rachel has a tendency to pick up stray people the way Brittany picks up stray animals. Quinn knows Rachel's accustomed to taking care of people, and likes to surround herself with them, but Quinn just wants a little alone time with Rachel before she has to share her.  
  
She's disappointed when Rachel doesn't respond right away, even if that's not so uncommon. She leaves the building and stops short when she sees Rachel sitting on one of the concrete benches outside of the building, her blue headphones on and reading a textbook. Quinn watches Rachel for a bit as Rachel's head bobs to the beat. Quinn  _swears_  Rachel makes spirit fingers at one point.   
  
Quinn approaches her and lightly taps Rachel's shoulder.  
  
Rachel looks up, momentarily startled, and then smiles. "I wanted to wait for you!"  
  
Quinn tweaks Rachel's nose. Her skin feels cold now. "You waited all this time?! It's so cold out! You aren't a puppy, you didn't have to wait!"  
  
Rachel makes a face and shoos Quinn's hand away. "Quinn, I'm from  _Ohio_. There's no way a day in LA in January is anywhere near as cold as a day in Lima in January. Believe me."  
  
"Your skin is still freezing. You're going to catch a cold," Quinn warns, rubbing her hands over Rachel's freezing hands.   
  
"I just felt like seeing you sooner than later," Rachel says with a tiny shrug. "And I told you, I never get sick!"  
  
"I'm glad you're here," Quinn says with a smile. "I wanted to see you sooner than later, too."  
  
"I'm going to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner. Will you join me?"  
  
"Of course," Quinn says with a wide grin.  
\--  
  
It feels kind of weird to go grocery shopping together. They bicker over what to buy and debate over the menu for the night. It's such a  _couple_  thing to do. It's embarrassingly domestic, but Quinn doesn't care.   
  
Rachel always keeps Quinn's favorite foods on hand in her refrigerator. Even though Rachel is vegan, she always keeps bacon and a carton of eggs in her refrigerator for Quinn, along with an array of decidedly non-vegan snacks that Quinn favors. Rachel hates root beer, but she always has root beer and lemonade because Quinn's favorite beverage is root beer with a splash of lemonade on top. Quinn knows Rachel is thoughtful, but it still befuddles Quinn a little to see Rachel load some of her favorite foods into the cart, knowing full well Rachel doesn't touch those things, except the lemonade--and she still prefers apple juice.   
  
Rachel doesn't come over much to Quinn's apartment because of Hope, but she does once in a while. Quinn makes a mental note that she needs to start keeping some vegan-friendly foods around, at least some vegan-friendly snacks and that frozen vegan pizza Rachel likes so much. It's the very least she could do. She feels like an asshole that she's never thought to do it until now when she sees Rachel casually loading the cart with Quinn's favorite foods.   
  
They go back to Rachel's apartment and Quinn shoos Rachel off while she puts the groceries away. Quinn wishes she could be as sweet as Rachel. It seems so effortless for Rachel-- just a part of who she is. Quinn can't seem to do the same and she feels anxious sometimes because she feels like Rachel is too nice for her.  
  
"Quinn Fabray, you are very sweet," Rachel murmurs, when Quinn finishes up with the groceries. "Do you know this? Thank you for doing that."  
  
"You don't have to thank me. It was nothing."  
  
"It's not 'nothing'," Rachel refutes adamantly. "No one treats me as sweetly as you."  
  
"Really," Quinn insists. "It's nothing."  
  
Rachel smiles. "I love you, you know."  
  
Quinn smiles back. "I know. I love you, too."  
  
"Well, believe me when I tell you it's not 'nothing' to me, okay? I'm…" Rachel falters. "I'm used to people who want things from me. And you, you don't.  _You_  do things for me. You  _want_  to do things for me. No one in my life has ever wanted to do that. It's.....pretty wonderful," Rachel says, rubbing the back of her own neck. She ducks her head and smiles shyly. "You're pretty wonderful."  
  
"I'm really not," Quinn says. She doesn't want Rachel to think too highly of her yet, because she's certain she will disappoint her. One day soon, she wants Rachel to think the world of her, but not yet because she doesn't want to be in a position where she fails to meet Rachel's expectations.   
  
Rachel looks like she's going to protest, but Quinn cuts her off with a kiss.  
\--  
A few hours later, Brittany and Santana arrive. Jesse shows up approximately five minutes after them and Hope makes her appearance fifteen minutes after that.  
  
Jesse's the only one old enough to legally purchase alcohol, so he brings a case of beer and a couple bottles of wine and tucks the former into Rachel's mostly fully fridge and opens the latter and pours everyone a glass of wine. They make a toast (to Rachel) who laughs and waves them off and brings the food out.   
\--  
The dinners at Rachel's apartment are always fun-- Rachel is a great hostess who just seems to inherently know how to divide her attention amongst her guests. Quinn  _swears_  everyone in the room is a little (or a lot) in love with Rachel because she definitely holds court. Even Santana seems eager for Rachel's attention and Santana is a misanthrope if there ever was one.   
  
At the end of every dinner, Rachel always fixes everyone a little plate of food to take home.  
  
Quinn feels a little sad as she watches Hope accept a container of food and hug Rachel before leaving. Not too long ago, Quinn would be leaving with Hope. She's thrilled that she gets to stay, but she's sad that she and her roommate don’t talk anymore.   
  
But when she's alone with Rachel, Quinn remembers why she decided the possibility of love with Rachel is more important than the certainty of friendship with Hope.  
  
Still, Quinn feels bad when she sees Hope look longingly at Rachel before she leaves.   
  
Once everyone is gone, Quinn helps Rachel clean up. She wraps her arms around Rachel's waist and rests her cheek against the back of Rachel's shoulder as Rachel washes the dishes by hand. "You should really just use the dishwasher," Quinn murmurs.   
  
"Waste of water," Rachel replies.  
  
"Waste of time," Quinn shoots back.   
  
"Quinn Fabray, saving the environment is never a waste of time."  
  
Quinn shakes her head and smiles affectionately. "Rachel Berry, my crusader," she murmurs.  
  
Rachel chuckles. "Will you sleep over tonight?"   
  
"I'd love to."  
\--  
  
Things between them are still new enough that sex isn't just a normal part of their relationship. Quinn's starting to figure out Rachel's signals. She wants to make Rachel feel good, but she's also still figuring out what Rachel likes-- she's realized that first time together was kind of a fluke because they haven't come close to matching the raunchiness of that day again, but Quinn's not sure she wants to yet, either.   
  
\--  
They fall asleep that night, with Rachel curled up in Quinn's arms. Quinn feels spent and sated, her body still tingling from Rachel's thorough attention to detail. She rubs her chin into Rachel's shoulder.   
As she falls asleep, she hears Rachel sneeze and feels Rachel's body shake.   
  
"God bless you," Quinn murmurs.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Quinn reaches up to touch Rachel's cheek which feels hot. "You sure you feel okay, baby?"  
  
"Just tired," Rachel says drowsily. "G'night."  
  
"Night," Quinn mumbles before she drifts off.  
\--  
  
Quinn wakes up the next morning because Rachel is shivering and trembling next to her. Quinn puts her hand on Rachel's forehead which is hot to the touch.  
  
"Baby?" Quinn murmurs.  
  
Rachel doesn't respond. She frowns and curls up into an even tighter ball.   
  
"Baby?"  
  
Rachel opens her eyes and her mouth moves into a miserable pout. She looks up at Quinn with the most pitiful expression Quinn has ever seen.  
  
Quinn strokes Rachel's cheek. "Oh, baby."  
  
She gets Rachel a cold compress and tries to take care of Rachel the best she can, but after a full day, Rachel doesn't seem to feel any better.  
\--  
  
The following morning, Quinn is anxious and tired from a full day of Rachel trembling, shivering and vomiting. Rachel looks so miserable and Quinn feel's so helpless because nothing she does seems to make Rachel feel better. If anything, her presence just seems to annoy Rachel. Rachel never actually says it, but Quinn gets the feeling Rachel wants her to go away.  
  
But Rachel just seems so miserable, and she's so unwell, Quinn can't bear the thought of leaving her. She tells Rachel a few times to get to a doctor, but Rachel emphatically shakes her head. But finally, it gets to be too much for Quinn.   
  
Rachel's part-time work study job is answering the phones at Student Health. Technically, they're supposed to make appointments online, but Quinn calls and explains it's Rachel who feels unwell, and she gets an appointment right away.  
  
She drives Rachel to Student Health and feels bad as Rachel protests every step.  
  
"I just want to lie down and go to sleep," Rachel whines pathetically. "Why won't you let me? This feels like a death march through Russia! Why are we recreating  _Dr. Zhivago_? This is not the type of role-playing to which I am amenable!"  
  
"I'm sorry, baby," Quinn says, trying not to chuckle at Rachel's dramatics, because she actually is worried Rachel clearly feels so terribly.   
  
\--  
  
Rachel looks scared when the doctor tells her she has an ear infection and tonsillitis again. She's quiet and morose on the ride back. Rachel doesn't talk and that worries Quinn. Quinn worries even more when she tries to turn on the radio and Rachel shuts it off. It's quiet in the car except for the crinkling of the bag from the pharmacy that Rachel clenches and unclenches in her tightly clenched fist.   
  
Quinn stays with Rachel for a few days to take care of her, but Rachel's distant and uncommunicative. Quinn asks bluntly a few times "what's wrong?" because she suspects it's more than just feeling unwell, but Rachel always brushes her off.   
  
It clears up pretty quickly with strict adherence to doctor's orders and Rachel is back to her sweet, cheerful self.   
  
Though Quinn is a little bewildered by how quickly Rachel manages to change, she decides just to write it off as Rachel feeling unwell and being a terrible patient.   
\--  
  
It's Brittany's 20th birthday at the end of January and Brittany and Santana host the party at their apartment. Rachel and Quinn arrive together, but Quinn gets sidetracked into a conversation with Deidre Littman, whom Quinn knows from her Sociology class. She had no idea Deidre and Brittany knew one another, so they talk about the ways they both know Brittany. The conversation drifts to other topics, and soon, Quinn realizes she has no idea where Rachel is.  
  
She's not exactly worried. Rachel is really social, and can hold her own even in situations where she doesn't know anyone. Still, Quinn goes off in search of her.  
  
Brittany and Santana's apartment is tiny, but Quinn can't find Rachel anywhere. She goes out onto the balcony, but there are just a few smokers out there and though Rachel indulges in the occasional cigarette when she's drinking, she'd never intentionally catch secondhand smoke.   
  
Quinn walks out of Brittany and Santana's building onto the street and finds Rachel a few doors down in an animated conversation with a couple walking their dog.  
  
Quinn has to laugh. She walks toward Rachel and puts her hand on Rachel's back.  
  
Rachel jumps a little, but says "hi, Quinn," before she even turns to confirm that it actually is Quinn.  
  
"Hi, Rachel," Quinn greets.   
  
"This is Adam and Eve. Seriously!" Rachel says, gesturing to the couple.  
  
Quinn stares at them."Really?"  
  
"Yeah," Adam says with a laugh. He's tall and dark-haired.   
  
"I almost didn't give him a chance because of it," Eve chuckles. She's tiny and blond.  
  
"Guess what their dog's name is?" Rachel asks, jumping up and down.  
  
Quinn bites her lip, amused. "What?"  
  
"Cain!" Rachel practically shouts. She doubles over laughing. "Isn't that awesome?!"  
  
It seems vaguely blasphemous, actually, but Rachel looks so amused, that Quinn can't help laugh. And besides, the golden retriever looks far too sweet-natured. "Yeah! It's awesome."  
  
"So, Rachel," Adam says. "When is your next show?"  
  
"Next week," Rachel says with a smile. "At Bijou. You can check my MySpace page for more information."   
  
"We will," Eve says.  
  
"What are your full names?" Rachel asks. "If you guys are sure you want to come, I'll put you on the guest list! I get three free tickets there for my friends to see me perform and no one I know can come that night."  
  
Quinn feels guilty she can't make it that night, but Rachel has assured her multiple times that it's okay, because Quinn can't be expected to go to every show.   
  
"Really?" Adam asks. "That would be great!"  
  
Rachel just beams at them. Rachel punches in their information into her phone as they recite it to her.  
  
"It was really nice to meet you," Eve tells her once they're done.   
  
"It was nice to meet  _you_!" Rachel exclaims, she bends down to pet the dog which jumps up to lick her face. Rachel giggles. "Bye Cain!" she exclaims, giggling again when the dog lies on its back and exposes its belly to Rachel. Rachel scratches its belly. "It was nice to meet you, too, puppy!" she says, solidly patting the dog on the belly. "You're so cute!"  
  
They all shake hands and Adam, Eve and their dog walk away.  
  
Rachel focuses on Quinn. "Sorry," she apologizes. "There were so many people up there and it was getting really warm in there. I just needed some time to breathe. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I left. I thought I could get back before you would notice I was gone, but then I got sidetracked."  
  
Quinn smiles. "It's okay. I know the feeling. Who were those people anyway?"  
  
"It's so unbelievable!" Rachel exclaims, wide-eyed. "I was just out here, leaning against that wall," Rachel says, pointing. "I must have looked like a vagrant!"   
  
Quinn snorts. "Hardly, cutie. Unless vagrants now wear pleated pants, BCBG heels and shirts from Urban Outfitters."  
  
"It's possible!"  
  
Quinn ruffles Rachel's hair and puts her arm around the brunette. "I'll be a vagrant with you."   
  
Rachel grins. "Really? You would be okay with such a nomadic lifestyle?"  
  
"I think it could be okay for at least a couple of years."  
  
"Then it's settled. We'll quit classes and just lean against walls! Vagrants! I will get t-shirts made."  
  
"Sounds fun," Quinn drawls. "Want to start now?" She leans against a wall and pulls Rachel close, so that Rachel rests against her. Rachel's back presses into her breasts and Quinn sighs. Her arms circle around Rachel and her fingers trace her initials into Rachel's stomach.   
  
Rachel giggles. "In any case, I was leaning like a vagrant and they were walking their dog and they recognized me! They said they've seen me play a few times. Can you believe it, Quinn? They recognized me! Me! They recognized me!" Rachel laughs happily and squirms away from Quinn. She does a pirouette. "Me!" she exclaims. Rachel faces Quinn, bows down at the waist and takes Quinn's hand and kisses it. "Me! I've never been recognized before! Me! Recognized!"  
  
Quinn chuckles. "Congratulations, baby," she murmurs softly.  
  
"It was really neat," Rachel admits with a shy smile.   
  
"Neat, huh?" Quinn teases. "Why do you talk like a teenager from the 50's?"  
  
"Because it's peachy keen, Moon Doggie."  
  
Quinn snorts and laughs affectionately. She kisses the top of Rachel's head. "Do you want to go for a walk with me? It's a little too much up there, and I could use a break, too."  
  
"I'd love to," Rachel says. She hesitantly reaches for Quinn's hand, cognizant of the fact Quinn still isn't particularly comfortable with public displays of affection. She smiles when Quinn grips back and they start their walk.  
  
\--  
  
When they get back to the party, Santana grins at Quinn lecherously.  
  
Brittany pulls Rachel into a hug, picks Rachel up and spins her around.  
  
"Rachel, try to get into my pocket!" Brittany bellows drunkenly. "You're so cute! Don't worry! I can carry you around and I'll keep food in my pocket for you! I'll take care of you like a Tamagotchi! Just tell me when you need to use the bathroom! I promise I'll take good care of you! I swear! You'll like my pocket, trust me! My cat used to live in it!"  
  
Rachel laughs into Brittany's neck and hugs Brittany tightly.   
  
Quinn eyes them and knows the flood of jealousy coursing through her is entirely unreasonable.   
  
Santana smacks the back of Quinn's head.  
  
"Ow! What?!" Quinn snaps venomously.   
  
"Don't look at my girl like that. It's her birthday! I'll kill you!"  
Quinn glares, but doesn't respond as she rubs the back of her head to try to get the sting out.   
  
"So," Santana says lowly, leaning in. "You and the mini one were gone a while, did you finally tap that ass?"  
  
Quinn blushes because all they really did was take a long walk around the block, and sure, they stopped to kiss once in a while, but it wasn't like the way Santana insinuates. And anyway, she's content with letting Santana think she and Rachel still haven't had sex yet.  
  
"A lady never tells," Quinn says primly.  
  
Santana shakes her head. "Q, I've heard you give Dave Karofsky a blow job while Brit and I were in the same room. You are so not a lady."  
  
Quinn covers her head in humiliation at that particular high school memory.  
  
"He was a closet homo, too," Santana says. "I think it's cool you finally figured that out for yourself. You know he's still back home and dating some chick? He's fucking miserable. Shit, I know it's Texas, but it's  _Austin_  You'd think he's grow some balls and just come out. It's not like he's from some bumblefuck town Ohio or some shit like Rachel. If I had to live in a town like that, I probably would have killed myself."  
  
Quinn blushes. "I really love her," she confesses quietly. "I think I want to marry her."   
  
Santana smiles and puts an arm around Quinn. "Oh, fuck off," she laughs affectionately. "What do you want, a prize? I've wanted to marry Brit since we were ten. And I put a ring on her finger when we were eleven."  
  
Quinn laughs. "Yeah, I remember that atrocity. It was from one of those bubble machines and you got it for a quarter from what I hear. Then the summer after freshman year, she forgot to take it off when she went swimming and it turned her entire  _hand_  green! She had to throw it away and you cried."  
  
"It was just her finger and I did not cry!"  
  
"It was her entire hand and you cried!"  
  
"I'm going to kill you, Fabray!"  
  
Quinn runs before Santana can get her. When she's far enough away, she turns to Santana and shouts, "She looked like Elphaba!" and bursts into laughter before running again because Santana vaults over the sofa in a launch so perfect that her body is parallel to the ground.   
  
It takes Quinn a moment to realize the only reason she would make that reference and Santana would get it is because of Rachel.   
\--  
  
Rachel drinks too much alcohol that night because Brittany begs her to play the alphabet game with her and although Rachel is a great player, Brittany's terrible, for every shot Brittany takes, Brittany pleads for Rachel to take one with her. And Rachel obliges.   
  
Quinn's a little resentful because Brittany's just drunk by the end of the evening, but Rachel is  _plastered_  even though Rachel got a much later start on drinking because the only alcohol she consumed was playing that stupid game with Brittany. But Rachel is smaller than Brittany and drinks alcohol less frequently. Quinn's more just concerned about the inevitable hangover than the fact she has to take care of Rachel.   
  
Quinn drives Rachel home and Rachel sings along with the music the entire way, which really isn't that far by car.  
  
"I want to fuck you like an animal! I want to feel you from the inside!" Rachel howls along with Trent Reznor.  
  
Quinn conceals an amused snort, because the two other times she's heard this song with Rachel, Rachel blushed and changed songs. Now she's singing along with it with  _gusto_.  
  
Once they get to Rachel's apartment building, Quinn helps Rachel out because Rachel is stumbling.   
  
Fueled by a sense of drunken grandiose sense of self, halfway to the apartment, Rachel attempts to piggyback Quinn into her building.   
  
She fails miserably and falls to the ground-- Quinn dropping heavily on top of her.   
  
Rachel giggles as she lies prone on the ground. Quinn laughs, helps Rachel up and escorts her to her apartment. Quinn fumbles with the keys and drags Rachel into the kitchen where she makes Rachel sit down at the table. Rachel sits and tilts her head back with her eyes closed, still humming 'Closer.' Her head lolls around and she is clearly very inebriated.   
  
Quinn gets Rachel a large glass of cold water and approaches Rachel again. She rests her hand on Rachel's forehead. Rachel's eyes open slowly and she ruefully grins up at Quinn.  
  
"Hi," Rachel says quietly.  
  
"Hi," Quinn replies. She rubs Rachel's forehead. Rachel's eyes flutter shut and she releases a contented little mewl. "What were you thinking trying to match Brittany with shots?" Quinn asks, laughing gently. "You should stick to, like, virgin margaritas. Brittany and Santana are borderline alcoholics!"  
  
Rachel laughs and shuts her eyes. "I just want your friends to like me," she mumbles. "Do you think they like me?" Rachel asks, her voice small and insecure.   
  
Quinn swallows back the lump that suddenly rose in her throat. Rachel's clearly drunk and slurring, and Quinn wonders if Rachel will even remember this in the morning. "They like you," she assures. "They like you a lot."  
  
Rachel smiles lazily. "That's good to know," she sighs. "We're more likely to last if your friends like me."  
  
Quinn swallows hard and they just stare at one another for a moment until Quinn taps her ring, middle and index fingers (in that order) across Rachel's forehead, like she's playing a piano. "Sit up straight, sweetheart. And drink some water."  
  
Rachel sits up and opens her eyes, which are bleary and glazed, but she takes the cup from Quinn's hand and drains the glass. "Let's go to bed, okay?"   
  
"Okay," Quinn agrees.  
\--  
Rachel's a little grumpy and hungover the next morning, but all it takes is a couple of hours of lounging in bed and then she's good to go.  
  
Quinn has no idea where Rachel gets all of her energy. She can't even begin to speculate. She knows it's not wizards or crystal meth, and Rachel doesn't eat much and she only sleeps five hours a night, at most, so it's not like Rachel derives energy from the usual places. But she is the most energetic person Quinn's ever met.   
  
Rachel's bouncing on the bed as she urges Quinn to get up.   
  
"Quinn, there's a Barbra Streisand double feature! Let's go see it! Girlfriend, you are burning daylight when there are movie theatre seats calling our names! How many chances are we going to get for a Streisand double feature? Opportunity may knock, but it won't beg! Let's go!"  
  
Quinn chuckles. She's not a fan, but Rachel's enthusiasm is infectious and with Rachel around, there is plenty of chances for Streisand double, triple and quadruple features. Hell, Streisand  _marathons_. Quinn really can't behind any of it, but even so, she says, "okay."  
  
\--  
After the double feature, they drive a few blocks down Fairfax Avenue and go into a diner for a late lunch.  
  
"Look! A pterodactyl!" Rachel says, pointing up toward the ceiling behind Quinn.  
  
Quinn turns around on instinct, and when she turns back, Rachel is smiling impishly and chomping on a few fries she clearly stole from Quinn's plate.  
  
"You don't have to create a distraction to steal from my plate," Quinn tells her, with a big grin.  
  
Rachel shrugs. "I really thought I saw a pterodactyl."  
  
"Oh, you did not!"  
  
"I did!" Rachel insists. "He was flapping his wings like this," Rachel said waving her arms at her sides. Her eyes are wide, and her face set into a guileless expression that is entirely unbelievable.  
  
"Are you having a seizure?" Quinn asks, raising an eyebrow.  
Rachel chortles and throws a packet of salt at Quinn, which lands on Quinn's plate.  
  
"Thank you, my fries needed more salt," Quinn says, opening the packet and sprinkling some of it on her fries. She discards the packet to the side.  
  
Rachel looks disapproving. "Quinn Fabray, you don't need that additional sodium!"  
  
Quinn smiles crookedly. "You know I like salt," she murmurs. She glances around and sees no one is looking at them, so she grabs Rachel's hand, brings it close to her face, throws a bit of salt on the inside of Rachel's wrist and quickly licks it. "Mmm. Tasty," she declares. "And you did not see a pterodactyl!"  
  
"I didn't say I saw one, I said I  _thought_  I saw one! I misrepresented nothing! You're just mad you fell for it!"  
  
"Fell for it? You pointed behind me and said 'look!' so I looked! I would have looked no matter what you said!"  
  
"Haha! You fell for it! Quinn is gullible," Rachel sing-songs.  
  
"I am  _not_  gullible.  _You're_  gullible."  
  
"Quinn Fabray, I most certainly am not. And anyway, gullible is not even in the Oxford English Dictionary, which is the king of all dictionaries!"  
  
"Rachel Berry," Quinn says, mimicking Rachel's tone. "I  _know_  that joke and I'm not falling for it."  
  
"Well, I can show you when we go back to my humble domicile that it's not!"  
  
"Oh, you silly chickenhead. You cannot!"  
  
Rachel blinks and looks at her. She grins. "Chickenhead?"  
  
Quinn giggles. "My mom says that sometimes."  
  
Rachel laughs. "That's cute," she murmurs. "Chickenhead," she says thoughtfully. She giggles. "I like that, you….you silly chickenhead," she offers shyly.   
  
Quinn laughs. "You're the silly chickenhead."  
"No, you."  
  
Quinn rolls her eyes. "No, you."  
  
Rachel grins. "No, you. Infinity!"   
  
She becomes quiet for a moment and glances down at her salad. She peeks up at Quinn through her eyelashes. "You look really pretty today," she says shyly, cheeks turning pink.   
  
Quinn smiles. "Thanks," she says softly. "So do you."  
  
Rachel bites her lip and shifts nervously. She takes a deep breath. "Quinn?" she asks timidly.  
  
"Rachel?"  
  
Rachel suddenly looks so serious and Quinn's not sure what's responsible for the rapid change in mood when they were just kidding around seconds before.   
  
Rachel bites her lip again. "I, um, I…I realize we haven't been dating very long and we haven't discussed anything in terms of exclusivity… and I don't want to, if you don't!" Rachel adds in a rush when she sees Quinn's mouth open to respond. "But Valentine's Day is in two weeks and I…" Rachel squirms. "I don't want to  _assume_  or begin to presume anything, but I just thought it would be so wonderful if we could spend it together and if you're not busy and if you want to, I was hoping you couldbemyvalentine?" Rachel asks, the last four words coming out in a jumbled rush.  
  
Quinn grins and chuckles affectionately. She impetuously reaches out with both hands and cups the sides of Rachel's face, gently squeezing Rachel's cheeks. She leans across the table to kiss Rachel's forehead. "Did you just ask me to be your Valentine?"   
  
Rachel blushes and Quinn can feel the heat from Rachel's face under her hands. Rachel nods timidly.  
  
"Of  _course_  I'll be your Valentine, you silly chickenhead. You didn't have to look so terrified of asking me. It's not like I'm scary," Quinn murmurs. "Who else could be my valentine?" She pinches Rachel's cheeks and then releases her.   
  
Rachel's face breaks into a relieved grin. "Really?" she asks as she peeks at Quinn through lowered eyelashes.   
  
"Of  _course_ ," Quinn assures.  
  
Rachel smiles sheepishly. "It's all rather new to me. I've never had a relationship be this new around Valentine's Day. I wasn't sure how to proceed or what the etiquette was," she explains. "I…I…I just wanted to be sure," she stammers.   
  
Quinn smiles. "Do you want to make an appointment now for St. Patrick's Day?" she teases.  
  
Rachel laughs. "Sounds good to me. Your birthday is the week after, right?"  
  
Quinn nods.   
  
"I'd like to reserve that date, too," Rachel smiles.   
  
Quinn grins. "Okay."  
\--  
  
They don't make a huge deal out of Valentine's Day--just dinner and a movie. They arrive back at Rachel's apartment and turn on the air conditioning because it's an unseasonably sweltering day for February, especially in LA proper-- 92 degrees.   
  
"It's so hot!" Rachel gripes. "I'm going to get changed. Do you want to borrow some shorts and a shirt?"  
  
"Sure."   
  
She follows Rachel into the bedroom and Rachel hands her a tank top and a pair of shorts. She averts her eyes to let Rachel get changed because it's clear from the prim expression on Rachel's face, the brunette expects Quinn to do so.   
  
It takes a few minutes, and then Rachel takes Quinn by the hand and leads her into the living room.   
  
"I have some ice cream for you," Rachel offers. "It's your favorite. Do you want some?"  
  
"Are you having any?"  
  
Rachel shakes her head. "No. I'll have a popsicle though. I made some last night."  
  
"I'll have one of those."  
  
"Are you sure? You prefer ice cream, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, but you made them. I'll take a popsicle."  
  
Rachel grins. "Okay! I hope you like it!"  
  
"I know I will."  
  
Rachel comes back with two grape flavored homemade popsicles and hands one to Quinn. They sprawl out on Rachel's couch and Quinn rests her legs in Rachel's lap.   
  
"Did you have fun tonight?" Quinn asks.  
  
She feels a little self-conscious about the fact their Valentine's celebration was so simplistic, except they both agreed that because everything was still so new between them, it was better to keep things simple.   
  
"Of course, I did," Rachel says, lightly slapping Quinn's ankles which are placed in her lap. She gently tickles the sole of Quinn's left foot.  
  
Giggling, Quinn kicks at Rachel's thighs. "Stop it!"  
  
Rachel giggles and brings Quinn's legs back into her lap. "Did  _you_  have fun?"   
  
"Of course, I did," Quinn says, mimicking Rachel.   
  
Rachel grins, clearly pleased.  
\--  



	6. Chapter 6

  
There are only about fifteen people, and Quinn is surprised to find her roommate is also present, but she's happy with the turn-out. Rachel and Hope are the only real friends she's made so far at UCLA, and her friendship with Hope is at the moment is tenuous at best. But she's on friendly terms with some people from her classes, and she's surprised to see they showed up to celebrate her birthday since none of them know Rachel, so really, they're there solely for her.    
  
Santana saunters over with Brittany on her arm. "Happy Birthday, Q."   
  
Quinn smiles. "Did you help Rachel arrange this?"   
  
Santana raises an eyebrow. "No, it was the birthday fairy."   
  
"You shouldn't be such a bitch to me on my birthday."   
  
"It's not your birthday anymore and  _we_  celebrated your birthday yesterday. We're here for munchkin."   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Thanks a lot," she says sarcastically.    
  
Santana's features soften. "I'm glad you guys worked it out."   
  
Quinn breathes a sigh of relief. "Me too."   
  
\--   
  
By the time the last stragglers leave, Quinn is more than happy to have the night wind down.    
  
She wants to help Rachel clean up, but Rachel shoos her away, so Quinn is relegated to the sofa watching  _Funny Girl_  for the twelfth time while Rachel sings along as she cleans. Quinn is happy to see Rachel's apartment isn't particularly decimated from the party.   
  
Rachel cleans the bathroom first and then Quinn takes a shower while Rachel cleans the living room and kitchen. Quinn walks back into the living room once she's finished getting ready for bed and finds Rachel vacuuming.    
  
It doesn't take Rachel very long to finish cleaning, after which, Rachel gets washed up. Quinn smiles as she hears Rachel singing 'Defying Gravity' while she showers.    
  
Quinn contemplates waiting for Rachel in the bedroom, but knows Rachel will want her privacy once she comes out of the bathroom.    
  
Quinn chooses to wait for Rachel in the living room and she watches an episode of  _Dexter_  on DVD and regrets it a bit, because it's not exactly the sort of thing that's good right before bed.    
  
Rachel emerges from the bathroom and joins her on the couch.   
  
"Oh, I like this episode."   
  
Quinn wraps her arm around Rachel and draws her closer. Rachel leans against her and Quinn can feel Rachel's still-wet hair on her arm. She doesn't mind it though.   
  
They don't speak again until the episode is over, and once it's finished, Rachel shuts off the TV.    
  
"I'm tired, do you want to go to sleep?"   
  
"Sure."   
  
Rachel gets up and extends her hand. "Milady," she says formally.   
  
Quinn suppresses a giggle as she takes Rachel's hand and allows herself to be pulled up and led into the bedroom.    
  
\--   
  
Rachel shuts the door behind them and takes Quinn by the hand.    
  
"Happy Birthday," she murmurs before she pushes her lips against Quinn's.   
  
It's the first real kiss they've had in a while and Quinn moans as Rachel pushes her tongue into her mouth. The kiss deepens and it's been so long since Quinn's had this, an involuntary whimper escapes her throat. Quinn feels Rachel grin and this makes Quinn whimper again.   
  
"I've missed you," Quinn manages to gasp out when they break apart.   
  
"I've missed you, too," Rachel murmurs.    
  
Rachel guides them to the bed, and they discard their clothing quickly    
  
Quinn lets out a low moan as she sees Rachel's bare breasts-- it truly feels like it's been an eternity since she's been able to see them.    
  
They each lay on their sides, face-to-face. They kiss again and Quinn's feels Rachel's fingers caress her inner thigh, teasing her. Quinn brings her hips closer to Rachel's hand to encourage Rachel's fingers and Rachel laughs softly.   
  
"You're pretty eager," she teases, the tips of her fingers toying with Quinn.   
  
"It's my birthday," Quinn says before she can stop herself. She feels stupid for saying it, because really, it isn't her birthday anymore, but she wants this girl to stop teasing her and just take her already.   
  
Rachel laughs heartily. "And you are in your birthday suit," she jokes, lightly slapping Quinn's butt.   
  
Quinn jumps a little, but she has to admit she did not find that unpleasant-- she barely resists the urge to ask Rachel to slap her ass again. She files that away for future reference. "Well, so are you," Quinn points out, a little petulantly.    
  
Rachel laughs again, and it is a welcome, sweet sound. "It would be a shame to waste this opportunity when we're undressed for the occasion," she jokes as her fingers continue to tease at Quinn's pussy. "You're wet, baby," she whispers, her voice becoming laden with lust.    
  
A finger brushes against her clit and Quinn moans. "You shouldn't tease," she manages to grind out.    
  
"I know," Rachel says. "Because it's your birthday, right?"   
  
Her tone is affectionate and lilting and Quinn is warm with love for this girl. Then Rachel's fingers push into her and her hand begins to move between Quinn's legs.    
  
Quinn's eyes squeeze shut and she bites down on her lip. Everything feels so delicious. Rachel's hand move too slowly and Quinn knows Rachel isn't through with teasing her yet. She wants to beg, but she knows she's not really in a position to be impatient. She just lets herself feel Rachel's hand between her legs and Rachel's lips pressed against her own, Rachel's mouth sucking on her tongue the way Quinn wishes Rachel would do t her clit.    
  
Rachel's hand picks up speed and pistons between Quinn's legs. Quinn can feel herself getting close.   
  
"Not yet," Rachel pants out, tearing her mouth away from Quinn though her hand continues to move between Quinn's legs. "I haven't tasted you yet."   
  
Quinn whines and Rachel laughs. "I can certainly oblige you, birthday girl," she murmurs. "Because I love going down on you. You are the sweetest thing I ever tasted," Rachel's fingers brush against Quinn's clit as she says this and that drives Quinn over the edge. She feels herself unexpectedly break. Her vision goes dark as her eyes squeeze shut and her cry as she comes rips through her.    
  
She's left gasping for air and Rachel laughs gently. "I told you to wait," she scolds playfully, tapping Quinn's clit with her index finger, making her gasp.   
  
Rachel kisses Quinn before she starts pushing against Quinn's shoulders, urging Quinn onto her back.    
  
Quinn lies on her back and stares up as Rachel's face hovers over her.    
  
"I want to go down on you," Rachel growls, wantonly licking her lips. "May I? Or do you need a moment?"   
  
Quinn's hands clench into Rachel hair. "Fuck me," she pleads.   
  
Rachel grins. "With pleasure."   
  
Rachel spreads Quinn's legs apart and the cool air in the room hits Quinn's pussy, making Quinn groan. Quinn peers down and sees Rachel lewdly licking her lips. Quinn's hands fist into the bed sheet.   
  
She moans as Rachel eats her out, her lips touching every bit of flesh that her fingers covered just moments before. It's not long until she feels warmth rush out of her as she comes again. Rachel continues to lap at her, licking each of her inner thighs, which makes Quinn's pussy ache for more before Rachel crawls up to press a kiss on Quinn's lips.    
  
Quinn is barely coherent as they kiss and Rachel brings her thigh to nestle between Quinn's legs. Rachel rolls her thigh and Quinn stifles a pleasured scream as she humps herself on Rachel's thigh until she comes again.   
  
"I've missed you," Rachel growls in her ear. "You're mine, I'm yours and we're celebrating your birthday. We're going to fuck until we're both sore and neither us are leaving this bed unless it is out of absolute necessity."   
  
Quinn is amenable to that. Her right hand finds Rachel's pussy and she smirks at how wet the other girl is. She know she will make short work of that.    
  
  
\--   
  
Rachel makes good on her promise and Quinn is left sore, sated and happy. From the dreamy, exhausted expression on Rachel's face, it is obvious she feels the same. 'Absolute necessity' turns out to be a good-natured squabble over who gets to use the bathroom first, and Quinn wonders how such a sexy promise could end in something so banal.   
  
She doesn't care though, because when it comes to Rachel, Quinn is looking forward to the banal, everyday things like fighting over who gets to use the toilet first, and Rachel shrieking in outrage when Quinn tells her "it's my birthday, either you wait, or you can pee in the bathtub or your kitchen sink!" She is deliriously amused by the outraged "Quinn Fabray, I spent an hour scrubbing that bathtub last night and the mere suggestion I violate my kitchen sink in such a manner is disgusting!"   
  
They change the sheets and once they make the bed to Rachel's ridiculous specifications, Quinn leaps into it and makes a bed angel. She laughs happily. She still can't believe she is in this bed again-- not even 48 hours before, she was mourning the loss of the first truly fulfilling relationship she's ever had, and now she has it again.   
  
Rachel chuckles. "I'm hungry," she admits. "Are you?"   
  
"Worked up an appetite, did we?" Quinn teases.   
  
Rachel swats at Quinn's stomach. "Yes,  _we_  did. Let me scrounge something up."   
  
Quinn knows for a fact that her vulture friends have eaten nearly all of Rachel's food.    
Rachel grabs the shirt nearest to her, which incidentally turns out to be Quinn's and Quinn feels her heart flutter a little at the sight of Rachel wearing something that belongs to her. Rachel gives her a small smile and a kiss to the forehead before she scampers off, bare-assed, in direction of the kitchen.   
  
Quinn takes that time to go to Rachel's drawer and pick out a shirt to wear, though she chooses not to put on anything below the waist.    
  
Rachel comes back carrying a tray with some water crackers, leftover Brie cheese, leftover birthday cake and two cans of Diet Coke.    
  
"The pickings were slim," Rachel says gravely.    
  
Quinn laughs. "This is great," she says sincerely.   
  
\--   
  
They eat in silence for a while and Quinn chuckles because Rachel hums while she eats.   
  
"You're cute," Quinn murmurs affectionately.   
  
Rachel gives her a toothy grin. "I am," she agrees. "As are you, lover."   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes at the arrogance and laughs. "You think pretty highly of yourself, don't you?"   
  
"Yes," Rachel says. "Don't  _you_  think highly of me?" she teases.   
  
Quinn feels a lump rise in her throat, because really, that's partly how things got so messed up with Rachel. Looking back on it, she can't believe some of the things she thought about Rachel or doing to Rachel when she was blinded by hurt and fury. "You know I do," she says softly.   
  
Sensing the sudden shift in Quinn's mood, Rachel takes their plates and sets them on her nightstand.    
  
"I think very highly of you," Rachel says softly. "You're wonderful."   
  
Quinn can't believe after everything that's happened Rachel still believes that. "Not really," Quinn says quietly. She doesn't want to tell Rachel that she had an elaborate plan of revenge, that she had every intention of hurting Rachel to make Rachel feel the hurt that she felt when she believed Rachel slept with someone else and convinced herself Rachel was a liar. She plans on taking that with her to her grave because she knows even someone as sweet-natured and forgiving as Rachel would be unable to forgive such dark thoughts. In fact, because Rachel is so sweet and good-natured, it would horrify her even more because Rachel would never be capable of such darkness.    
  
Rachel regards her for a moment. "Please excuse me for a moment," Rachel says.    
  
Quinn watches as Rachel runs to the closet and opens it. Standing up on tip-toe, Rachel tries to reach for something. The shirt Rachel is wearing-- Quinn's shirt, rides up, revealing Rachel's bare butt, and Quinn can't help but ogle. Rachel's butt is  _perfect_ .   
  
"Quinn!" Rachel says. "I can't reach it. Will you help me?"   
  
Quinn chuckles. "Sure."   
  
Quinn walks to the closet and Rachel points emphatically to a large brown shoebox.    
  
Quinn gets it and pulls it down. She stares at it for a moment before she hands it to Rachel. There is a piece of yellow construction paper, covered in gold glitter and gold star stickers glued to the lid of the shoebox. Written on it, in a child's careful, but messy scrawl is "Rachel's Box of Treasures, Audrey KEEP OUT!!!"   
  
Quinn looks at Rachel questioningly.    
  
Rachel blushes. "Well, she was always getting into my stuff!"   
  
Quinn laughs.   
  
Rachel takes Quinn by the hand and they walk back to the bed.   
  
"I've had this box since I was five," Rachel explains. "My mom bought these great pair of black boots and I loved them, but I settled for taking the box to hold all of my favorite stuff." Rachel opens it and she dumps the contents onto the bed.    
  
"See?" Rachel says, holding up a Playbill for  _Wicked_ . "My mom took me, just me, to New York one weekend to see this because she said she always wants me to be inspired. It was the best weekend with her," she says softly. "And see this?" she asks, holding up a rock. "This is the rock Audrey threw at my head when I was seven. She was in  _so_  much trouble."   
  
"And you kept that why?"   
  
Rachel looks at her blankly. "Because she got in so much trouble. She's my parents' favorite and she never got in trouble with them-- she was always blaming it on me. That was the only time she couldn't weasel out of it, the weasely little weasel-face."   
  
"You know you guys look exactly alike."   
  
"We do not," Rachel refutes. "Anyway." She holds up a small scrap of paper. "This is the parking pass I bought the day we ran into each other at the library, before we even got to know each other. You asked to sit with me and I was so happy, I thought I was going to burst. I kept this parking pass because…" Rachel trails off. "Well, that day, I hoped we could be friends. I couldn't even conceive that we'd have more."   
  
Quinn takes it from her and looks at it, at the date and time stamped on it. "Wow," she says quietly.   
  
Rachel holds up a guitar pick. "This is the guitar pick I used the first time you ever came to one of my shows," Rachel said, smiling shyly. "You told me I was great, and I was elated. You were so sweet to me."    
  
Quinn swallows hard.   
  
Rachel holds up a cork from a bottle of wine. "This is from the first time you came over for dinner here. Jesse brought the wine, but you told me everything was delicious and how you only had a better meal at your mom's. And this was after you found out everything was vegan. Everyone else always bemoans vegan food and calls me a judgmental hippie. But you, even when I take you out to celebrate your birthday, you still choose a vegan restaurant because you're  _that_  thoughtful."   
  
"I can't believe you kept all this," Quinn whispers.    
  
"I keep things that are special to me, you silly girl," Rachel says gently. She holds up a dried flower. "This was growing outside your dorm room last year. I picked it up the night of Hope's birthday party last year when you told me that I was believable as Sandy or Glinda. You've been the one person in my life who has always been supportive, never critical. It's not that I want to live a life free of criticism-- I understand the need for criticism. But you're my safe space away from it," Rachel whispers. "You're who I go to, when I need to feel good about myself, because you always have a way of doing it."   
  
Tears prickle at Quinn's eyes. "Rachel," she whispers. She doesn't have anything to actually say. She just feels the need to speak her name.   
  
Rachel smiles and cups Quinn's cheek, catching a falling tear. She presses a kiss to Quinn's nose. Rachel holds up receipts, folded together. "This is from the time we went to the Pier and then to that weird Scientology museum," Rachel murmurs.   
  
"You mean, when we also went to Lawry's and you ate  _everything_  in sight?" Quinn teases, though she's still emotional and weepy.   
  
Rachel blushes. "Yes." She chuckles. "It was one of the best days of my life."   
  
"Mine too," Quinn admits quietly.    
  
Rachel presses a page from a daily desk calendar into Quinn's hand. "That was from the night you came over for dinner at my apartment and everyone else was busy, so it was just us." Rachel swallows hard. "You told me I was beautiful. We weren't even together then and I knew you wre going to be the best friend I'll ever have."   
  
Quinn swallows visibly. She remembers that night vividly. "I was already falling in love with you."   
  
"I was already  _in_  love with you," Rachel whispers. "I could go on, but all it would demonstrate is my obsessive need to document and an embarrassing sentimentality."   
  
Quinn chortles. "Baby," she says shaking her head.    
  
"Quinn," Rachel says softly, as she packs her mementos away. "You can say you don't believe you're a very good person, you can deny being a wonderful person, you can lose faith in yourself, but you will never convince me of those things." Rachel presses her hand on Quinn's chest, over her heart. "I  _know_  you, and you are beautiful-- the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. But I've told you that you're more than that, and you are." Rachel takes Quinn's hands and raises them to her lips. She kisses each of them. "These hands have always been gentle with me." She leans forward and kisses Quinn's lips and then pulls back. She hovers so close, Quinn can feel Rachel's breath. "These lips have always been sweet to me. You've encouraged me, supported me and comforted me." Rachel bends her head down and kisses Quinn's chest, her lips press over Quinn's beating heart. "You have such a kind heart," Rachel whispers, meeting Quinn's eyes again. "You just don't know it yet. But you are so, so unbelievably kind. You have to be because you're my safe space."   
  
Quinn swallows. "Really?"   
  
" _Yeah_ ," Rachel assures.   
  
Quinn pulls Rachel close into a hug, and their arms wrap around each other. Quinn buries her face into Rachel's shoulder "I love you," she mumbles, rubbing her nose into Rachel's neck.   
  
"Happy Birthday, baby," Rachel whispers, stroking Quinn's hair. "I've got a present for you, but it will just have to wait until later. Think you can wait?"   
  
"Absolutely," Quinn replies softly. She knows now, she has time.    
  
\--   
  
Quinn wakes up a few hours later, naked and curled into Rachel. They're lying face-to-face and Quinn stares at Rachel for a while as the brunette still continues to sleep   
  
She reaches out to cup Rachel's cheek and Rachel stirs, but does not awake.   
  
"I would like to share this award with my co-nominee, my idol, Barbra Streisand," Rachel mumbles.   
  
Quinn snorts but covers her mouth to conceal it. She shakes her head.    
  
For years, she's felt restless and unhappy. She's chased that elusive feeling of contentment, but she finally feels that right now in such a  _simple_  moment. She loves her life, in all its simplicity.    
  
It's still early, and it's the weekend, so Quinn closes her eyes, burrows closer to Rachel, takes a deep breath, breathes her girl in, and decides it's time she goes back to sleep.    
  
"I'd like to thank my parents, my sister and of course, my lovely wife, Quinn," Rachel mumbles, still asleep.   
  
Quinn falls back asleep with a grin.   
  
The End


	7. Chapter 7

Rachel's just finished her set. It's her first show in a month and she's glad to be back into the rhythm of things.   
  
She packs up her things, slings her guitar on her shoulder and is ready to exit the club rather than making nice with the patrons because she's honestly just wants to go home, wash up and get into bed, when she feels someone's hand on the back of her shoulder.    
  
"Rachel?"   
  
"Yes. Hello," Rachel says, turning and greeting the older woman pleasantly.   
  
"I'm Quinn's mother. Judy Fabray."   
  
Rachel's eyes widen for a moment but then she nods. "Hello, ma'am," she greets cordially, because she's not quite sure which appellation to use-- Ms. or Mrs. "I assume you are here for Quinn's birthday?"   
  
"Yes," Judy confirms. "Do you think we can speak for a moment?"   
  
  
Rachel smiles. "Of course."   
  
\--   
  
They sit across from each other at the IHOP on Wilshire. It's loud from the drunken club kids, but at least no one is paying them any attention.   
  
They order coffees and then Rachel waits, warily, for Judy to begin.   
  
"My daughter loves you," Judy says quietly.   
  
"And I love her," Rachel replies simply.   
  
Judy's eyes narrow. "You have a strange way of showing it."   
  
"Please forgive me for being blunt and rude, ma'am, but how I demonstrate my romantic affection is really between Quinn and me."   
  
"Have you broken up with her? Because you need to be upfront with her if that's your intention."   
  
Rachel blinks. "What? No, of course not. I told her I just needed time. Why would you ask me if I've broken up with her?" she asks, her voice small.    
  
" _She_  believes you've broken up with her."   
  
Rachel swallows hard. "Why?" she asks softly and she suddenly looks extremely worried and afraid.    
  
Judy realizes that for all of Rachel's poise on stage, she's just a young girl, not even out of her teens.   
  
"Because you're ignoring her," Judy informs her, gently. "You can't ignore her," Judy says quietly. "It was never something Quinn could tolerate, even when she was very young, but especially after her father left. When he left, he…" Judy falters. "Some men can leave their wives and still be an involved father in the lives of their children. My ex-husband is not one of those men. And Quinn…she was very young when he left and she suffered the most. He had many opportunities to visit with Quinn-- I've never wanted to restrict that relationship, but he never availed himself to it. She's viewing your silence as rejection. You can be angry with Quinn, Rachel. But you have to at least  _acknowledge_  her. People deserve that much. And Quinn deserves much more than that."   
  
Rachel bites her lower lip. "I never meant to make her feel that way. I was angry with her. But I love her. If I didn't, I would have just ended it. I wouldn't have asked for time."   
  
"And I suspected as much, Rachel. But Quinn…" Judy trails off. "Quinn is still very young. And I realize you are roughly the same age, and I am not saying Quinn is immature, but she's  _young_  and she's insecure about her place in the world. If you ignore her, she will assume you don't love her anymore. She's already assumed that. She won't even stop to entertain the thought that perhaps you're just angry."   
  
"I never wanted to hurt her," Rachel says, her voice tiny. She stares at her hands, clearly contrite. "Please believe me. I don't want you to think I would ever deliberately hurt her. I was just very angry."   
  
"What did she do?" Judy asks softly   
  
Rachel blanches. "I…er…uh…I…" she stutters. "I think if Quinn wants to tell you, she should."    
  
Judy smiles wryly, because she likes that her daughter's girlfriend is protective. "All right."   
  
"Please believe me," Rachel says quietly. "I would never intentionally hurt Quinn, nor would I manipulate her. I'll talk to her, I promise. I know I had my part in what happened. It's just that I was very angry, but I would never dream of making her feel…unloved. I….I'm very sorry about everything."   
  
"It's all right, Rachel," Judy murmurs. "But please, even if you aren't ready to have a conversation with her, at least let her know that you aren't ready."    
  
Rachel nods. "Yes, of course. And again. I...I am so sorry."   
  
Judy tries to formulate another response but her phone buzzes to announce a text message from Quinn.   
  
_From: Quinn  
  
Mom, I'm back at my apartment. Where are you? It's pretty late. Are you okay? Are you back at your hotel already? I thought you were going to drop in before you went back_   
  
"She's alone at her apartment now," Judy says softly. "And she can be for a few hours," she hints.   
  
Rachel nods. "I understand."   
  
Judy hesitates. "Rachel, please keep this conversation between us." She knows it's a big favor to ask, but she's fairly certain that if Rachel discloses that tidbit of information, her daughter will never speak to her again.   
  
Rachel smiles. "Of course," she says. "I don't want to make Quinn believe the only reason I am speaking to her is because you told me to." Rachel stares down at the table and takes a deep breath. "I would like to explain myself to you," Rachel says quietly. "That is, if you will hear me out," she says quietly.    
  
"Of course, Rachel," Judy says kindly. "What is it?"   
  
"I truly love Quinn," Rachel says softly. "But I don't always manage my anger in a way that is healthy or constructive. I've damaged meaningful relationships in the past because I have a tendency to overreact." She smiles wryly. "My sister would describe it as a brief psychotic episode. I didn't want to make the same mistake with Quinn the way I have with others. I didn't speak to her because I was afraid of saying something I would regret. Words are important to me and I don't feel we can take back anything once it's said."   
  
Judy hesitates. "Are you still angry now?"   
  
Rachel gives her a lopsided smile. "I was angrier before you spoke to me. Quinn and I have only begun to date and I'm only just starting to get to know her. You've given me…more perspective. I'm still angry, yes. But not so angry that I'll say something outrageous to her."   
  
"Please don't hurt my daughter, Rachel."   
  
Rachel smiles. "I'm going to be honest with you, ma'am. I don't know the longevity of our relationship. But I assure you, I would never intentionally hurt Quinn. And I will endeavor not to hurt her."   
  
Judy smiles. "I suppose that's all I can ask for."   
  
Rachel smiles back and pulls her wallet out. She sets a few bills on the table to cover the costs of the coffees they ordered, though Judy protests. "I should get going. But it was very nice to meet you. Although the spontaneity of our meeting did take me by surprise, I think I enjoyed this more than the potential artifice a planned meeting would have."   
  
Judy fights back a laugh. Good Lord, her daughters always seem to fall for the odd ducks. She's always liked her future son-in-law, but Dan is  _strange_ . And this girl that her other daughter has apparently fallen for… this girl is a  _definite_  odd duck.    
  
"It was very nice to meet you, too, Rachel. I really hope I will be seeing more of you."   
  
Rachel gives her a toothy grin. "Thank you," she says. She bites her lip for a moment, seeming to war with herself but then her features become determined. "Was your ex-husband…" she trails off. "Was he all bad?" she asks finally.    
  
Judy sighs, unsure of how much to disclose. But her younger child is definitely in love with this girl, and if her answer would give Rachel an understanding of Quinn, then Judy thinks it's worth it, because Rachel seems painfully sincere. Judy is relieved both her children seemed to have fallen in love with people who are very different from her ex-husband. "He could be a good husband and a loving father," she concedes. "But he was also very angry so much of the time. He…he could be very cruel to my children and I wasn't always the mother Zoey and Quinn deserved," she admits. "I'm trying to rectify that now, but a lot of the damage was already done."   
  
Rachel swallows hard. "He was mean to Quinn," she states, sounding more like a six year old than a nineteen year old.   
  
Judy flinches because she knows that is a very factual statement. "Yes," she whispers, in agreement.    
  
Rachel nods. "I really will try to do right by Quinn," she says softly. "That was always my intent-- it's just that I do not always properly execute my intentions. But I love her very much."   
  
Judy smiles. "I believe you."   
  
Rachel holds her hand out. "Again, it was very nice to meet you. I'm sorry to cut our meeting short but I would really like to see Quinn before it becomes too late for me to call upon her."   
  
Judy shakes Rachel's proffered hand, a little amused by how serious Rachel is. She can easily picture Rachel as a very grave child with those large brown eyes and half-smiles "It was nice to meet you as well, Rachel. I'll be sure to give you and Quinn some privacy tonight. I'll let Quinn know I'll be returning to my hotel room rather than stopping by her apartment to say goodnight."   
  
Rachel gives her a toothy smile. "Thank you," she says.   
  
Judy watches her daughter's girlfriend walk away. That girl could easily break her daughter's heart, but Judy knows Rachel is not a girl she needs to be worried about, at least, not on principle. She can see Rachel is an overall decent person, and Quinn and Rachel need to work out whatever happens between themselves. She'd had some concerns when she heard Quinn cry about some of the things Rachel said to her, but now Judy thinks it's distinctly possible her daughter put her own spin on the things that were said. Rachel doesn’t seem capable of the cruelty that Judy feared.   
  
She hopes they work it out.    
\--   
  
Quinn is once again morosely going through Rachel's MySpace page and watching video after video whilst brainstorming ways she can possibly win Rachel's favor again when someone knocks on her door.    
  
Assuming it’s her mother, Quinn throws open the door and sees Rachel standing there.   
  
"Hi," Rachel says softly.   
  
" _Hi,_ ," Quinn replies.   
  
"May I come in?"   
  
"Of course! Come in! Sit down!" Quinn exclaims, grabbing Rachel by the arm and pulling her inside-- a little too eagerly because Rachel stumbles. "Sorry," Quinn apologizes quickly.   
  
Rachel chuckles softly. "It's okay." She shuts the door and rests her back against it. "I don't want to stay too long," she murmurs.    
  
"It's okay," Quinn says hurriedly. "You can stay as long as you want."   
  
Rachel smiles. "I've been doing a lot of thinking."   
  
Quinn bites her lips and takes a few steps back. "Oh?" she asks carefully, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "What did you decide?" she asks neutrally, her face blank.    
  
"I didn't  _decide_  anything," Rachel says quietly. "I just thought a lot. And today I thought about how I've treated you lately and I realized it was pretty terrible. I'm so sorry, Quinn. I shouldn't have ignored you-- not only did it show very poor etiquette, but it was extremely callous. I'm sorry for showing such a disregard for your feelings," she says. She's unable to make eye contact and she fidgets as she stares at the floor. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."   
  
"I deserved it," Quinn says softly.   
  
"No, you didn't," Rachel corrects gently. "You never deserve to be hurt, and you didn't deserve to be ignored. I'm sorry I did that. I should have been forthright with you. It's just…" Rachel trails off and bites down on her lower lip. "Sometimes I just like to be alone to think."    
  
"Okay," Quinn says softly.   
  
"I say things I don't mean sometimes," Rachel admits. "Not all the time," she adds quickly. "I try to be as sincere as possible at all times, of course."   
  
Quinn can't help but grin affectionately. "Of course," she says as gravely as she can manage because Rachel has her serious-face on, but she's just so damn  _cute_ .   
  
"But when I'm angry, I really lash out," Rachel confesses. "I say awful things I don't mean and I end up ruining a good relationship or a great friendship by saying horrible, hurtful things I don't actually mean. My intent wasn't to ignore you-- I just didn't want to say something that would irreparably damage what we have. I was really hurt and I was afraid I would say something to you that would ruin everything because I think what we have is pretty special."   
  
"I'm so sorry I slept with her," Quinn whispers, tears forming in her eyes.    
  
"I wasn't so much hurt about that," Rachel murmurs. "We aren't exclusive and we haven't been dating that long, so I know expecting monogamy was…unreasonable. You had every right to sleep with her. Although I can't say that I was necessarily  _happy_  about that."   
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn says, contrite.    
  
Rachel's smile is crooked. "Well, perhaps it is more accurate to say I was crazed with jealousy when I found out."   
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn repeats, weakly, her voice quiet.   
  
"It's not so much the action as the motivator," Rachel says softly. "I was just really hurt you would think I'd deceive you. I admit I do feel attractions to other people--"   
  
"What?" Quinn interrupts, her voice much more harsh than she intends.    
  
Rachel gives her a sharp glance, considering the circumstances, but she doesn't comment on the hypocrisy of Quinn's outrage. "I get attracted to other people," Rachel says gently. "Don't you?"   
  
"No," Quinn says morosely.   
  
Rachel raises an eyebrow. "Quinn."   
  
Quinn crosses her arms and pouts, but after a moment, she relents. "Okay, yes. Sometimes."   
  
"I think it's normal," Rachel says hesitantly. "I get attracted, but I don't  _want_  to be with them. I don't really want anyone other than you, and I realize everything is very new between us, but you know how I feel about playing games. So I just want to be upfront about how I feel about you-- I love you and I only want to date you, and I realize you might need some time to feel the same way and I accept that. But I was really hurt that I cared for you  _that_ much and I think I've been fairly open about it, and you would still think I would be deceptive. If I'd slept with someone else-- if I were sustaining a relationship with someone else, I would be honest about it, because I'd feel you have a right to know. I'd never lie to you about it. And I just couldn't believe you'd think I was capable of that."   
  
"You did kind of deceive me though," Quinn points out quietly. "Why didn't you just tell me your cousin was visiting you? And your surgery. Why didn't you tell me about your surgery?"   
  
Rachel winces. "I should have, and I apologize for that." She sucks in a deep breath. "I didn't tell you Anne was visiting because…" she trails off and sucks in another deep breath. "Certain members of my family…do not like you," she admits softly.    
  
Quinn flinches. "I know Audrey doesn't, but..." she trails off and looks at Rachel questioningly. She's never met any of Rachel's family members other than Audrey and Anne. How could she have created such a poor impression without even meeting them?   
  
"Audrey is a blabbermouth," Rachel says with an eye roll. "You have to understand, in our family, we're the youngest. And Audrey is the baby, so everyone always coddles her. She told people what you said about me that…other time. She told my mom and my cousin, and my cousin told my aunt, who told my uncle who told my father who told my other father." Rachel rolls her eyes. "The Berry-Corcoran phone tree gets very involved."   
  
Quinn winces at the memory of when she almost screwed things up with Rachel when they barely got started. "Oh," Quinn says softly. She could understand why she is not well-liked.    
  
"I know I'm partially to blame about that-- I shouldn't have told Audrey anything, but when it first happened, I was so hurt because I thought you didn't find me attractive. I thought you meant what you told Hope, and I just needed to talk to someone and I'm used to being able to tell my sister everything. I thought we were finished. I wouldn't have told her if I'd thought we were going to stay together and she was going to be so rude to you."   
  
Quinn flinches at the implication that now Rachel can't talk to her sister the way she used to because of her.    
  
"My mom and dad like you," Rachel adds quickly. "They know you make me happy and you're supportive of my career, and that's all they really care about. And also, they're prone to thinking everyone says things they don't mean sometimes, but this is mostly because they both suffer from foot-in-mouth disease, an affliction that you know I also share."   
  
Quinn chuckles. "Not really, you're kind of a panty dropper."   
  
Rachel blushes, but doesn't comment on that. "But my daddy doesn't…approve. And my cousin, Anne..." she trails off. "She…" Rachel fumbles for a diplomatic way to describe her cousin, but finally settles for being blunt. "She is a bitch," Rachel admits. "She's a colossal bitch. She's great with me and Audrey-- she's like this older sister I never had. But she is overly protective of us. And Audrey's kind of poisoned the well against you a long time ago. I thought if Anne met you, she would be terrible to you and I just….I was worried you would think it was too much to deal with, and not worth it. I just…I was worried she'd chase you away, so I didn't want you guys to meet." Rachel bites her lip. "She came down from Palo Alto to take care of me during my surgery and I really thought I could get away with it. I never dreamed it would lead to such a horrible misunderstanding and I'm so sorry I hurt you, because I would imagine you must have been very hurt to react the way you did."   
  
"It wouldn't have chased me away-- I know Audrey hates me and I've stuck around, haven't I? What's so different about your cousin that you would think she'd chase me off?"   
  
Rachel sighs unhappily. "I suppose that's part of it-- with Audrey being so hostile toward you, I thought you wouldn't want to deal with one more unwelcoming member of my family. I thought you would decide it wasn't worth it and that it would behoove you to find someone who has less….dramatic family members. I realize we're not dating each other's families, but their opinions certainly make an impact."   
  
Quinn absorbs that quietly. "You aren't so great at communication either," Quinn jokes tentatively, when she finally finds her voice. "Rachel," she says, her voice cracking. "Of  _course_  I would have stuck around, how could you think I wouldn't? Nothing would have scared me off."   
  
Rachel smiles wryly. "Don't say that. We're still just getting to know one another. Not all of my crazy has come out yet. I've learned to let it come out slowly, you know."   
  
Quinn feels a little afraid for just a moment, because wow, she believes it. But then she realizes-- she doesn't care. "I can handle it all at once, you know," she says seriously.   
  
Rachel chuckles. "I know," she murmurs. "I was just teasing."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Sort of," Rachel amends. She gives Quinn a tiny grin. "I bet there are a lot of things you can handle all at once," she teases, raising her eyebrows suggestively.   
  
Quinn laughs and smirks. "We'll just have to see, right?" she says, giving Rachel a saucy wink. She quickly becomes serious again. "I don't want anyone else other than you," she whispers. "I thought you…" she trails off and swallows hard. "I thought you didn't really love me," she admits with difficulty. "I saw you with her and I just assumed the worst, and I went from thinking you slept with someone else to believing you didn't love me and I was just…I was so hurt, Rachel." Her tears begin to drip out of her eyes and she wipes them away, angrily. "I'm so sorry," she cries. "I didn't even want to sleep with her, but I was just so hurt and angry."   
  
Rachel strokes her hair. "It's okay," she says quietly. "You were hurt, and believe me, I understand doing things you regret when you're hurt. I do it quite frequently, and I'm trying to rectify that."   
  
Quinn swallows hard. "Why didn't you tell me about your surgery? Why was it such a big deal to tell me?"   
  
Rachel sighs unhappily. "I should have told you. I'm sorry I didn't. I was just really scared about it. I was in such a bad mood before I had it because I've been trying really hard for  _years_  to put it off and then I  _had_  to do it. I'm sorry I was so incommunicative, but I just needed to be on my own. I was afraid of being mean to you because I was in such a bad mood-- I was really afraid taking my tonsils out would damage my voice and everything I worked my whole life for would have been  _ruined_ . And people usually don't want to hear what's going wrong in my life, Quinn. I just…I didn't feel like talking about it, or thinking about it. I didn't want to burden you with it and I knew you would have been supportive if I'd told you about it, but I didn't want to think. I just wanted to be alone, but I know I didn't handle that properly, and I'm so sorry for that."    
  
Quinn nods. "Okay," she says softly. "I can understand that."   
  
"Really?"   
  
Quinn nods emphatically. "Definitely." She bites her lip."But it's still something I wish you'd told me about. I want you to be able to tell me stuff like that."   
  
Biting her lip, Rachel nods, but doesn't say anything.    
  
It's silent between them for a few minutes until Quinn speaks.   
  
"Are we okay?" Quinn asks quietly.   
  
Rachel smiles sadly. "No, I don't think so. We aren't so great right now."   
  
Quinn's face falls. "Oh," she whispers.   
  
Rachel gives her a small smile and rubs Quinn's arm comfortingly. "I don't care though. I like you. And I know we'll be okay."   
  
Quinn perks up. "I like you, too."   
  
"I love you," Rachel amends. "And these past couple weeks have been terrible. I missed you so much. And I know I've treated you terribly and I'm so sorry for that. We aren't okay right now, but we will be, Quinn. Really."   
  
Quinn lowers her head. "I really want to be good to you," she whispers. "I'm just so bad at it. But I don't mean to be so bad at it." Her eyes fill up with tears. "I don't think I'm a very good person," she says, her voice cracking.    
  
Rachel's arms circle around her quickly. "Oh, baby," Rachel murmurs as she presses kisses to Quinn's cheeks. "You're a very good person. And I've made more than my fair share of mistakes with you. I haven't always been very good to you, but I love you, and I want to be better at it. We're just going to have to sort this out."   
  
"Are you mad at me?" Quinn whispers.   
  
"A little," Rachel admits. "But I'll get over it. You had every right to sleep with someone else. We weren't monogamous, at least, we never explicitly agreed on those terms. It's more your reasons for doing so."   
  
Quinn nods. "So….are we….still together?"   
  
Rachel smiles warmly. "Of course we are," she strokes Quinn's hair. "I never wanted to stop dating you, Quinn. I just needed some time away from you to cool down. I can be extremely vicious and I meant it when I said it wasn't safe for you to be around me. But I never stopped wanting you, not for a moment."   
  
"Okay," Quinn says somberly.   
  
Rachel caresses Quinn's cheek. "I think these past few weeks have demonstrated that perhaps we should keep our relationship status quo rather than being exclusive, don't you think? I can admit I've been very petty…and I just…I think we're not ready for something too serious yet. I think w need to build to that."   
  
Quinn wants to protest, but she agrees with Rachel. "Yes," Quinn sighs. "But I think we need to agree to tell each other if one of us wants to date someone else or…you know…" Quinn says, trailing off weakly.   
  
"Deal," Rachel murmurs. She hesitates for a moment. "Are you mad at me because I didn't tell you I was getting my tonsils out or about Anne?"   
  
Quinn swallows hard, because she knows all of this could have been avoided if Rachel had just told her, so she is a little mad. But if it wasn't this, it would have been something else. "A little," she admits quietly. "But I'll get over it."   
  
"I really am sorry I didn't tell you," Rachel whispers. Rachel rubs her face. "I never meant to hurt you," Rachel says quietly. "I can't stand that I made you so unhappy. I'm just not really accustomed to sharing the bad parts of my life. Everyone just wants to know what's going well."   
  
Quinn eyes become teary. "I'm so sorry I slept with her. She was just this--"   
  
Rachel holds up her hand. "I don't want to know anything about her. I don't want to know how you met or anything like that. Please don't tell me. Not yet. I'm just not ready to hear about it quite yet."   
  
Quinn's shoulders slump. "Okay." She sniffs. "I'm sorry I'm so bad at this," she apologizes with a waver in her voice.    
  
Rachel smiles reassuringly and she brings her hands up to cup Quinn's face. "I'm sorry I'm so bad at this, too," she says softly. "But you know, Quinn, two negatives do make a positive."   
  
Quinn smiles affectionately. "There you go with your math references. Are you sure you're a singer and not a mathematician?"    
  
Rachel makes a face. "I assure you, just because I grasp some basic mathematical concepts does not mean I want to pursue it as a career."   
  
Quinn chuckles but quickly becomes somber again. "What do we do from here?"   
  
"What do you want to do?"   
  
"Why are you answering a question with a question?" Quinn asks.   
  
"Well," Rachel says slowly. "Why are you?"   
  
Quinn stares at her for a moment and then hesitantly reaches out to curl her hand around Rachel's fingers.    
  
Rachel smiles and shifts her hand so that her fingers interlock with Quinn's.   
  
"I've missed you," Rachel says softly. "A lot. I needed time to think, but a lot of it was unreasonably obdurate pride as well."   
  
"I figured," Quinn says, sighing a little because she's missed this-- the simple feel of Rachel's hand in her own. She thought she would have missed major things like sex or Rachel's laugh or Rachel's cooking or the myriad of things she's thought about when Rachel shut her out. But she'd forgotten about simple, basic things she'd done every day -- like hold Rachel's hand. "I really missed you," Quinn says quietly.    
  
Rachel gently pulls her hand away and tucks a lock of errant hair behind Quinn's ear. She smiles affectionately and lightly pinches Quinn's earlobe before cupping Quinn's cheek in her palm. "We made a mess of things, didn't we? We're just so bad at this."   
  
"I know," Quinn says quietly. She sniffs and rapidly blinks to ward off tears.    
  
"I don't like that we're both so bad at this," Rachel says gently.   
  
Quinn swallows. "What does that mean?" she asks quietly.   
  
"I love you. But we are abysmal at being in a relationship together."   
  
"I wouldn't say abysmal," Quinn refutes quietly, hurt.    
  
"Perhaps that's overstating it," Rachel concedes. Rachel smiles wistfully. "When I'm with you and things are good between us, it feels amazing," she admits quietly. "I can't even think of another adjective for it. You amaze me and I'm so  _happy_ . One might say, elated."   
  
Quinn smiles. "Yeah."   
  
"But you have a way of making me feel  _terrible_ . And we keep making the same mistakes."   
  
Quinn's face falls. She lowers her head. Her lips part to speak, but she can't think of anything to say. She can only look up, and force herself to meet Rachel's eyes, although she is absolutely crestfallen.    
  
"And I know I've made you feel terrible, too."   
  
Quinn's eyes well up, because it's true. Rachel is wonderful-- she's bright, cheery and can liven up a room. But those aren't necessarily qualities Quinn absolutely needs in someone she's dating, although after dating Rachel, Quinn knows it would be difficult to live without those qualities. Rachel is also dependable and reliable, but those are more things she'd want in a car or a Congressman. But Rachel also has a way of shutting her out that makes Quinn feel  _awful_ . Rachel is so open about so many things that when she shuts Quinn out of her life, Quinn feels like she's going crazy because she's becomes certain that problem lies in her. She convinces herself the problem can't be Rachel and Quinn just ends up feeling awful about herself. Rachel has this way of making her feel safe and secure and then taking it back and it's awful because Rachel doesn't even know when she's kicking Quinn down.   
  
"Yeah," Quinn agrees hoarsely.   
  
Rachel sighs. "We're going to have work on that if  _this_  is going to work."   
  
"I know," Quinn says quietly. Tentatively, she holds her hand out. "But we'll work on it, right?" she asks, and she's a little afraid the answer would be 'no.'   
  
Rachel smiles. "Of course," she murmurs. She kisses Quinn's cheek. "I'm going to go," she says softly, fumbling for the door knob behind her back.   
  
"You don't have to go," Quinn says quietly, her expression dejected.    
  
"I really should,' Rachel says apologetically."But I'll call you tomorrow," Rachel promises. She takes a few steps forward and gives Quinn a quick hug. "Can we have dinner tomorrow? At a place of your choosing. I owe you a birthday dinner."   
  
Quinn winces. "My mom is in town for my birthday and tomorrow is her last night…"   
  
Rachel smiles. "Bring her along, I'd love to meet her."   
  
"Really?" Quinn asks quietly.   
  
"Sure." Rachel touches Quinn's cheek. "Good night, Quinn."   
  
Quinn smiles. "Good night, Rachel."   
  
"Hey," Rachel murmurs. "I love you, okay? This was a little speed bump, not a car wreck. A hiccup, not tuberculosis. A mosquito bite, not a gunshot wound. A mild case of influenza, not an outbreak of malaria. It's--"   
  
"I think I understand," Quinn cuts in gently before Rachel chooses more examples.   
  
"I have one more."   
  
Quinn chuckles. "Okay, go on."   
  
"It's Oregon being admitted as a state on February 14, 1859, not the Valentine's Day Massacre."   
  
Quinn blinks. "What do you have against Oregon?"   
  
"The Blazers."   
  
"What?!"   
  
"The NBA team."   
  
"I know what you meant. You don't follow basketball! What do you have against the Blazers?"   
  
"I don't like their uniforms."   
  
Quinn sighs. "Not enough integrated color for you?" she teases. She only knows the team's colors because an ex-boyfriend was an avid basketball fan.   
  
Rachel grins. "Yes! Exactly. It's my general complaint against all NBA teams. You know me so well. Quinn Fabray, you are very sweet. Do you know this?"   
  
Quinn chuckles. "Why do you keep asking that in exactly the same way, each time?" she questions, though she does know why.   
  
Rachel smiles. "Because I'm not sure you know, and I'll keep asking you until I think you get it." She raises her hand to Quinn's cheek and taps her fingers against it. "I love you," she murmurs. "I have to go though, okay?"   
  
Quinn fights her disappointment at Rachel leaving. "Okay," she says. She steps forward and wraps Rachel into a lingering hug. Rachel's arms circle around her and they stay like that for a moment. Quinn's eyes shut and she takes a deep breath. She really thought she was never going to have this again. "Rachel Berry, is that a lion in your pocket that's ready to roar, or are you just happy to see me?" she teases, because something in Rachel's front pocket is poking into her.   
  
Rachel pulls her head back and smiles wryly. "It's my keys, smart guy. I left my purse in my car." She moves to pull away and break the hug, but Quinn holds onto her.   
  
"Please, just a little longer," Quinn whispers pleadingly. "It's been so long."   
  
Rachel swallows hard and buries her face into Quinn's neck and gently rubs Quinn's back.    
  
When they finally break the hug, Quinn is a little alarmed to see that Rachel is crying. "Baby, please don't cry," she murmurs, bringing her hands up to brush at Rachel's cheeks.    
  
Rachel laughs and wipes at her eyes. "I'm kind of a crybaby," she murmurs. "I'm going to go now, sweetheart. I love you."   
  
"I love you, too."   
  
Rachel leaves and Quinn stands with her hand on the front door for a few moments. She leans her weight against it and sighs in relief.    
  
It's far from perfect, but it's the most she can ask for, so she'll take it.    
  
\--   
  
For dinner the next night, Quinn chooses a vegan Thai restaurant in Hollywood. Rachel protests on principle, saying Quinn should choose a restaurant she really wants, but Quinn wants to go somewhere she knows Rachel will enjoy the food. Besides, they're regulars at the restaurant.    
  
Rachel picks Quinn and her mother up from Judy's hotel room, and Rachel runs out of the car to open the doors before either of them could have a chance to open them.   
  
Quinn makes introductions and her mother seems to adore Rachel on sight. Quinn is surprised when, Rachel offers her mother her hand to shake and her mother chooses instead to grab Rachel into a lengthy hug. Her mother is not the most demonstrative person in the world and hugging someone she meets for the first time is just wildly out of character. Quinn is surprised by the easy familiarity her mother and Rachel seem to share. Her mother doesn't seem at all uncomfortable with the fact she's meeting the girl Quinn is dating, despite the fact that just a few months before, that was something her mother needed time to 'get used to.' And for her part, Rachel doesn't seem nervous. Quinn hopes that if she ever gets to meet Rachel's parents, she'll be just as poised. But somehow, Quinn doesn't think so. Still, it's far enough away-- not even in the infant stages of planning, that Quinn decides not to worry about it.    
  
The dinner goes even better than Quinn hoped-- her mother says nothing that could be interpreted as inadvertently insulting and Rachel is at her sweetest and most charming. Quinn cannot believe  _this_  is her life when just the night before, she was sobbing about what a mess her life is. It's the first time she really believes that life changes so quickly.    
\--   
  
The conversation flows easily and Quinn gives her mother a proud smile when a couple patrons from a few tables away hesitantly approach the table to tell Rachel they've seen her perform and think she's amazing.   
  
\--   
  
It isn't the sort of restaurant that celebrates birthdays with the restaurant's servers coming over to sing 'Happy Birthday,' but Rachel and Quinn are regular patrons, so when Rachel gets up to allegedly use the restroom but instead takes a detour to speak to the hostess, and starts emphatically pointing toward Quinn, Quinn has a feeling about what Rachel is trying to do. Rachel's eyes widen in alarm when she sees Quinn and her mother staring and she immediately begins looking upward in an effort to look innocent.    
  
Quinn groans. "Oh no, she's going to make them sing to me."   
  
Judy chuckles and leans in toward Quinn. "Honey, you've always had a soft spot for the odd ducks."   
  
Quinn snorts. "Mom."   
  
"Quinnie, I like your girlfriend, but she is  _strange_ ."   
  
Her mother doesn't sound judgmental, she sounds more amused than anything else and Quinn grins. "Yeah," she agrees, but she's happy because years before, her mother had told her sister the same thing about her sister's boyfriend and now they're engaged. Her mother  _adores_  Dan, and Quinn hopes one day her mother will feel the same way about Rachel.    
  
Rachel comes back to the table. "Hi!"   
  
Quinn smiles wryly. "I think you forgot to use the bathroom, baby."   
  
"Oh! Right!" Rachel exclaims. "Excuse me!"   
  
Rachel scrambles off and Quinn exchanges a small smile with her mother.    
  
"She's very sweet, Quinnie," Judy says gently.   
  
Quinn grins. "Yeah," she agrees softly.    
  
They don't say anything else, but Quinn feels the warmth of her mother's approval. Rachel comes back to the table a few minutes later and is grinning impishly.   
  
"Hi," she says.    
  
"Hi," Quinn and Judy say together.   
  
Moments later, the table is flanked with servers from the restaurant carrying a slice of cake. They set it down in front of Quinn and immediately launch into 'Happy Birthday.' Quinn's face reddens in embarrassment, but as her mother, Rachel and the restaurant's servers sing to her, Quinn has to admit she loves every moment of it.    
  
After they sing, everyone claps and Quinn makes a wish that everything in her life would go as well as this moment and blows out her candle.    
  
Rachel smiles and points to the back of the restaurant where a piano is nestled. On weekends, a Thai Elvis performs for patrons, but at the moment, it's empty.    
  
"I agreed to play a song," Rachel says. "Quid pro quo," she says with an eye roll. She gets up and squeezes Quinn's shoulder as she does.   
  
\--   
  
Quinn watches as Rachel sits down at the piano and plays a few experimental chords, but then leans into the microphone.    
  
"Happy Birthday, Quinn," Rachel murmurs simply, before immediately launching into song.    
  
Quinn recognizes 'Your Song' immediately and she's embarrassed that her eyes fill with tears.    
  
Rachel is a performer, so her eyes scan her audience as she plays, but her eyes meet Quinn's as she sings "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you're in the world." She gives Quinn a bright smile.   
  
There's complete silence from the audience as Rachel plays and all eyes are on Rachel, who is completely at ease.    
  
Rachel finishes up, and some patrons rise to their feet to clap. Rachel's head bows shyly but she takes a bow before she shuts the piano.   
  
"She's wonderful, Quinnie," Judy murmurs, still clapping.   
  
"I know," Quinn says softly. She's still on her feet when Rachel returns to the table and Quinn grabs Rachel into a hard hug. "I love you," she whispers.   
  
"I love you, too," Rachel whispers back.   
  
\--   
  
Rachel pays the bill over Judy's stringent protests. Rachel nearly vaults over a man seated at the next table to give the waiter her credit card.    
  
Quinn and her mother can only laugh.   
  
"Strange," her mother whispers.   
  
Quinn grins at her mother.    
  
\--   
After dinner, they drive Quinn's mother to the airport.    
  
Rachel hovers back as Judy and Quinn hug.   
  
Before leaving, Judy turns to Rachel. "It was nice to meet you, Rachel," she says warmly.   
  
Rachel grins at her. "It was  _very_  nice to meet you."    
  
Judy reaches for her and hugs Rachel as well. They break the hug and Judy reaches up and lightly pinches Rachel's cheek. Judy winks at them before she walks away.   
  
\--   
  
They don’t speak much as they drive to Rachel's apartment from the airport, but Rachel sings along with the radio, so Quinn knows Rachel is in a good mood.    
  
"Been in a million years full of tears, but I found my girl," Rachel sings.    
  
"I love this song," Quinn says quietly.   
  
Rachel grins. "Me too. I think if I ever get married, I'd want this song to play for the first kiss at the wedding."   
  
"I think it’s a perfect first kiss song," Quinn murmurs.   
  
"Is that so?" Rachel teases.   
  
Quinn snorts at how formal Rachel sounds. "It is so."   
  
Rachel laughs and reaches out with her right hand to squeeze Quinn's thigh. Quinn covers Rachel's hand with her own and sighs quietly. She raises Rachel's hand, brings it to her lips and presses a kiss to the back of Rachel's hand. Rachel laughs and pulls her hand away to rub the back of Quinn's neck.   
  
"We're going to be okay, Quinn," Rachel murmurs. "From now on, we'll both just endeavor to be brave and honest, and we're going to be okay."   
  
"Okay," Quinn whispers. "I promise. Brave and honest."   
  
Rachel smiles. "It's a deal," she murmurs, reaching for Quinn's hand again and giving the blonde's fingers a gentle squeeze. She chuckles softly and sings along with the song playing on her car stereo. "Been in a million years full of fears, but I found my girl."   
  
Quinn laughs softly. "Am I still your girl?" she asks shyly.   
  
Rachel chuckles. "You'll be my girl as long as you want to be my girl. I'll make my intentions clear-- I'm in love with you and I intend to marry you one day, whether I accomplish that through guile and subterfuge or charm and good luck or even simple moxie. "   
  
Quinn swallows back the lump that suddenly arises in her throat. She really wants this girl to be hers for a long, long time. "You want to marry me?"   
  
Rachel laughs. "While I know we're very far from even discussing marriage, I've wanted to put a ring on your finger from the second I saw you."   
  
"You mean when you were skulking out of Puck and Finn's room like a criminal?" Quinn teases.   
  
"You're bringing that up  _again_ ?" Rachel asks with an embarrassed groan. "And I'd hardly say I was  _skulking_ \-- that is dramatically overstating things. You make me sound like some sort of shadowy anti-hero. Only The Shadow knows!" Rachel cries, dramatically.    
  
"Oh, stop," Quinn says. "You were skulking."   
  
"I was not! I did not skulk. It was more of a saunter."   
  
"A saunter," Quinn mutters incredulously "Jeez."   
  
Rachel chuckles. "Quinn," she murmurs. "I know perhaps my feelings for you may be stronger than your feelings for me at this juncture. And I accept that. But I refuse to play games with something so important. I do want to marry you, yes. I want something serious with you, yes. But I know it's something we need to build to, and not necessarily something we're going to get. I'm just letting you know where I wish we could end up. I want you to know where I stand, but you can lead this dance, sweetheart."   
  
"I want us to end up at the same place," Quinn asserts quietly.   
  
Rachel exhales a relieved breath. "Thank God," she sighs. She grins at Quinn. "We'll go slow. Allegedly, it's the journey and not the destination, correct?"   
  
"Allegedly," Quinn agrees, trying not to laugh. "Although I always thought that was retarded."   
  
"Quinn Fabray, I find your liberal use of that word in a derogatory manner to be very offensive." Rachel pauses. "Though I do somewhat agree. I feel the journey and the destination are equally important. And obviously, the destination is very important to me, as I tend to be results-oriented."   
  
Quinn chuckles and shakes her head. "We have that in common," she says wryly. "But I think that's a good thing."   
  
Rachel smiles. "Me too."   
  
Quinn rests her head on Rachel's shoulder.    
  
It's quiet between them for a long while and the passing time is marked by the various songs that play on the radio-- all of which are improbably long (in order: 'November Rain', 'Stairway to Heaven,' 'Freebird' 'Riders on the Storm' and 'The Crane Wife 1 and 2.' They're about halfway through 'American Pie' (the  _original_  version, oh Jesus) when Rachel breaks the silence.    
  
"Happy birthday," Rachel murmurs softly. "I'm sorry I am tardy in telling you. But I would like to tell you how glad I am we got to celebrate your presence in the world."   
  
Quinn sniffles. "Thank-you," she says quietly.   
  
They arrive back at Rachel's apartment and Rachel opens the door and turns on the light.    
  
"SURPRISE!"   
  
Quinn is startled to see that Rachel's apartment has been invaded by her friends.   
  
Quinn stares at Rachel who gives her a devilish grin.    
  
"You didn't think a simple dinner with your mother would be sufficient to celebrate your twentieth birthday do you?"   
  
Quinn hugs her fiercely.    
  
\--


	8. Chapter 8

Quinn knows it's overstating things a bit, but she feels like the world is ending.    
  
She was on a date with Monica and silenced her phone to be polite. It was clear that Monica just wanted something fun and possibly only for one night, because Monica didn't blink when Quinn got out of her bed to get dressed. She felt a measure of self-satisfaction because she felt like she got Rachel back, but she was depressed, too, because she'd just slept with someone she had no interest in sleeping with-- something she swore to herself she would never do again. Even so, she told herself it was worth it.    
  
Then she got into her car and saw the barrage of text messages and voicemails from Santana and Brittany and the world collapsed from under her.    
  
Quinn knows she's being melodramatic, but she still feels like her life is over.   
  
"What am I going to do?" she asks Brittany and Santana. "She's going to  _hate_  me."   
  
"Just don't tell her," Santana says. "You guys weren't exclusive. Just take it with you to the grave, Fabray."   
  
Brittany nods in agreement. "She didn't do anything wrong, so she shouldn’t have to feel bad.  _You_  feel bad on your own. You never  _ever_  tell her."   
  
Quinn covers her head with her hands. She can't believe she is in this position, and she curses herself for her stupidity and irrationality. She is  _always_ acting without thinking, and even when she thinks before she acts, she often acts without all the available information. She's done this since she was a kid and now she feels so  _stupid_ . She hates herself for this. She hates herself for always submitting to her worst instincts, for always wanting to hurt someone when she's hurting. She hates herself for never just saying how she's feeling. While she will never believe that it's absolutely essential to say everything that's on her mind, she knows with hindsight that she could have spared herself all this agony if she'd just confronted Rachel. And her continued inability to do such  _basic_  things in a relationship makes Quinn wish she were someone different.    
  
"I can't lie like that. I have to tell her," Quinn whispers.   
  
"Oh man," Santana says. "It sucks to be you."   
  
"This is all your fault!" Quinn snaps. Santana practically exhorted her to cheat. "I told you I didn't want to go out! Why did you make me! God, Santana!"   
  
"Sorry, I forced you to revenge fuck someone?" Santana retorts. But she does feel terrible about it, and she doesn't want Quinn rubbing it in.    
  
"You suggested it!"   
  
"You didn't have to do it! And I  _tried_  to stop you. Do you remember the shitload of texts Brit and me sent you telling you to fucking abort the mission because fucking Buffy was munchkin's cousin?!"   
  
Quinn's rage toward Santana deflates and she's left with feeling worse than she has in her entire life. "She'll hate me. She just had surgery and I slept with someone else. She's going to hate me when I tell her." Quinn's vision swarms with tears. "She won't be able to love me anymore," she whispers.   
  
"DON'T TELL HER," Brittany and Santana shout together.   
  
Quinn glares at them and angrily wipes at her eyes. "I was pissed at her because I thought she slept with someone else and didn't tell me. I actually  _did_ sleep with someone else. I have to tell her!"   
  
"So be a slut  _and_  a hypocrite, Fabray! Go balls out with being an asshole!" Santana yells. "Don't tell her! You didn't fuck up that bad-- you guys aren't exclusive! Just  _don't_  tell her. Carry it with you to your  _grave_  and the next time you see her, tell her you want to be monogamous from  _this point forward_ . You don't have to screw up everything! You dumb ass, you're  _finally_  happy! Don't fuck it all up over one mistake! You were wrong and you were paranoid, what, you deserve to make yourself miserable just because you were human?!"    
  
"I have to tell her," Quinn whispers, wiping at her eyes. "You don't understand-- I know we weren't exclusive, but I was so mad when I thought she was sleeping with someone else. I thought she was cheating even if we didn't agree to be exclusive! I thought she was a liar! I  _cheated_  on her! I have to tell her!"   
  
Oh God, Rachel is going to hate her.   
  
"Quinn," Brittany says, her voice breaking. "Don't tell her!"   
  
"I have to," Quinn cries.   
  
God, Rachel will hate her when she tells her.    
\--   
  
Quinn cries to her friends for a little longer, but ultimately decides it's time to go home. She wants to drop in on Rachel and make sure she's okay, but Quinn just can't face her right now. She just wishes Rachel had told her. Why didn't Rachel tell her she was having surgery and why didn't Rachel want her to meet the cousin? Why did Rachel hide it?    
  
It just doesn't make sense to Quinn and as horrible as she feels about sleeping with someone else, she starts to wonder if maybe things weren't as serious between them as she thought if Rachel was withholding such basic details of her life.    
  
Maybe what Quinn considers to be serious is just play time for Rachel.    
  
Quinn just isn't sure what to think anymore.    
\--   
  
The next morning, Quinn does some research on tonsillectomy recovery and goes to the grocery store to buy some ice, grape sorbet and popsicles. She drives to Rachel's apartment.   
  
Audrey answers the door and barely looks at Quinn. For the first time Quinn believes she deserves the hostility Audrey throws at her.    
  
"I was wondering when you'd show your face around here," Audrey says brusquely. "I thought girlfriends were supposed to show up when their girlfriend has surgery."   
  
"She didn't tell me," Quinn says softly and she's once again bewildered as to why Rachel didn’t tell her. "San and Brit told me they ran into you last night."   
  
Audrey blanches. "Oh," she says. She pauses. "Sorry," she mutters grudgingly. "I really thought she would have told you. Come in."   
  
Quinn steps inside and looks at Audrey nervously. "Hi, Audrey."   
  
"Hi, Quinn." Audrey takes the grocery bag from Quinn. "Rachel is sleeping right now."   
  
"I just want to check on her," Quinn says quietly, willing herself not to cry. "Can I go in?" she asks, gesturing to Rachel's closed bedroom door.    
  
"Sure," Audrey says. "Thanks for bringing this stuff. We still have plenty of popsicles, but she'll like the sorbet-- she hasn't eaten anything today and we really needed the ice."   
  
"Sure," Quinn says quietly.   
  
The door to Rachel's apartment opens and the sisters' cousin steps inside. The blonde, called Anne, is holding a bag from McDonalds.   
  
"Oh, thank God! Food!" Audrey exclaims jubilantly, running toward Anne and grabbing the food away.   
  
"You're a vulture, kid," Anne comments wryly. "We have to keep you fed or else you're unbearable to be around."   
  
"Oh, hold on, Quinn," Audrey says, halting Quinn's movements toward the bedroom. "Quinn Fabray, this is my cousin, Anne Berry. Anne, this is Quinn, Rachel's girlfriend."   
  
Quinn forces herself to make eye contact and shakes Anne's hand. "Hi," Quinn says. "It's nice to meet you."   
  
Anne nods. "Yes, it's nice to meet you as well," she says, but her overall tone is a little frosty and Quinn wonders if Anne knows what she did-- except that is just a crazy postulation.    
  
"I'm just going to check on Rachel," Quinn murmurs to Anne.   
  
"Uh, before you go, Quinn, do you want some chicken McNuggets?" Audrey offers, holding out the bag of food.   
  
"No, thank you. I'll just go check on Rachel." Quinn says quietly-- she can't even conceive of food.    
  
As she walks to the bedroom, Quinn hears Anne comment, "well, she's a serious one. What's Gallant doing with our Goofus?"   
  
Audrey chortles. "I know, right?!"   
\--   
  
Quinn shuts the door to the bedroom because Audrey and Anne are getting a little loud. Rachel is sleeping in her bed, burrowed under the covers. Quinn's eyes well up because it hits her all over again that she likely screwed everything up with Rachel. Quinn takes off her shoes and jacket and climbs into bed with Rachel, so they are face-to-face and wraps her arms around Rachel's waist. She rests her forehead against Rachel's.    
  
Rachel wakes up and rears back, clearly startled by Quinn's presence, but then relaxes. Rachel gives Quinn a tiny, slow smile and then waves. But she looks at Quinn questioningly.    
  
Quinn smiles and waves back. "Brit and San ran into Audrey and your cousin at the grocery store last night," she says softly, stroking Rachel's hair. "Audrey told them you had your tonsils taken out and they told me."   
  
Rachel looks a little exasperated. She points to her nightstand where there is a picture of Audrey and her from Audrey's high school graduation last year, and rolls her eyes.   
  
"Does it hurt a lot?" Quinn asks softly.   
  
Rachel points to her throat and winces. She holds up her right hand and moves her thumb and index finger so they are a few centimeters apart, indicating, 'a little bit.'   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Quinn asks quietly.   
  
"Sorry," Rachel whispers, her voice hoarse and rough. She winces and points to her throat. She holds onto her throat as she tries to speak. "I didn't want to burden you." The words come out garbled and she winces again.    
  
Quinn sighs. "You should have told me," she whispers.   
  
Rachel eyes look down. "Sorry," she manages to mumble. She sits up and grabs a bottle of water next to her nightstand and drains half of it. She lies down again and cuddles into Quinn. "Sleep. I'm drugged."   
  
Quinn laughs softly and rubs Rachel's back. Soon, Rachel falls asleep and Quinn lies there next to Rachel thinking about what she should do next.   
  
\--   
  
Rachel wakes up a few hours later and rolls forward so quickly, she headbutts Quinn in the nose.   
  
"Ow!"   
  
Rachel's eyes are wide and she sits up quickly. She begins rubbing at Quinn's nose. "I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Is it broken?" Rachel's voice is rough and her speech is still garbled. She's clearly having a hard time speaking and she looks panicked. She gets out of bed and begins pulling on Quinn's hand. "I'll drive you to the emergency room! We have plenty of ice! We need to put some on so your nose won't swell! Oh my gosh!"   
  
Quinn pushes her hand to Rachel's mouth, trying to stop the deluge of words before Rachel harms her voice or impedes her recovery. "It's okay," she murmurs. "How's your throat?"   
  
Rachel winces a little. "Hurts," she admits softly   
  
"Let's get something to eat, okay?"   
  
Rachel shakes her head and points to herself. "You eat though."   
  
Quinn's not really hungry either. "I'm okay."   
  
Rachel points toward the door . "At least get some fruit."   
  
"But--"   
  
"And while you're there, can you get me some lemonade?"   
  
Quinn smiles, eager to do whatever she can to help Rachel. "Sure."   
  
Rachel lies back down and Quinn leaves the bedroom. Anne is sitting on the couch reading a book, and gets up when Quinn comes in.    
  
"How is she?" Anne asks. "Is she okay?"   
  
"She's okay, she asked me to get her some lemonade."   
  
Anne shook her head. "No, no lemonade. It's too citric. She can't have it. We have apple juice."   
  
Quinn nods. "Okay," she says quietly.   
  
She goes into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. It's stocked with pudding, ginger ale, Sprite, and apple juice. The pudding is obviously untouched-- each of the packages are undisturbed. She knows Rachel hasn't eaten anything and decides to take her a pudding. She begins to open the packaging.   
  
"She probably won't eat it," Anne calls out to her. "I took her to her favorite Italian place the day before her surgery and she wouldn't eat anything. She hasn't eaten anything really substantial in maybe a week."   
  
"I'll take it to her anyway," Quinn says quietly.   
  
Anne shrugs.   
  
Quinn grabs a spoon and walks back into Rachel's bedroom.    
  
"Here, I brought you a pudding," Quinn says, setting the glass of apple juice on the nightstand. She tries to pass the spoon and pudding cup to Rachel, but Rachel doesn't move to take it.    
  
Rachel winces and shakes her head.   
  
"Your cousin told me you haven't eaten in a like, a week."   
  
Rachel rolls her eyes. "Gross exaggeration."   
  
"You do look thinner."   
  
Rachel shrugs. "You can never be too thin."   
  
"Just eat it, okay?"   
  
Rachel shakes her head.   
  
"Come on, baby," Quinn pleads.    
  
Rachel crosses her arms in front of her chest and her lower lip juts out defiantly.    
  
Quinn shakes her head and presses the tips of her fingers of her free hand to her forehead. Rachel Berry is the most obstinate, awful patient in the world.   
  
Quinn sits down on the bed, peels off the cover to the pudding and spoons up a mouthful. She starts to make airplane noises and brings the spoon toward Rachel's mouth.   
  
Rachel's lips quirk into a smile, but then she covers her mouth with both hands and shakes her head.    
  
"Come on, Miss Berry, I promise the pilot will let you have your honorary junior pilot wings if you cooperate," Quinn teases. "Zoom zoom zoom," she says, holding the spoon near Rachel's lips. "Vroom. Oh no! The runway isn't clear! What's going on?!"   
  
Rachel grins and laughs. She winces and covers her throat with both hands. She swallows with obvious difficulty, and then pulls her hands away from her throat and points emphatically to her mouth which is settled into a pitiful pout. Her hands ball into fists and she screws her hands near her eyes, simulating crying.   
  
"I know something that will make you feel better!" Quinn sing-songs. "All aboard the Rachel Berry jet! The most luxurious jet in the world! It's ready to take off, but the runway's blocked!"   
  
Rachel giggles and gives Quinn a look, but smiles in concession and opens her mouth wide.   
  
Quinn laughs triumphantly and feeds Rachel. Quinn continues to make airplane noises as she feeds Rachel until the entire pudding cup is gone. When Rachel's done, Quinn presses a kiss to Rachel's forehead.    
  
"Thank you for flying Berry Airways," she murmurs. "You were a wonderful passenger." She ruffles Rachel's hair. "Baby I'm going to throw this out," she says, holding up the empty pudding cup. "I'll be right back."   
  
Rachel smiles and nods.   
  
\--   
  
Quinn leaves the bedroom and finds Audrey is back from picking up dinner. She and Anne are eating in the kitchen.   
  
"Oh, hey," Audrey says. "I brought you back a BLT and fries. The BLT is in there," she says, pointing toward the white bag on the table. "But I put the fries in the oven to keep them warm."   
  
"Thanks," Quinn says quietly.   
  
"Did you get her to eat that?" Anne asks, eyeing the empty pudding cup.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"How'd you do that?"   
  
Quinn snorts. "Airplane noises."   
  
Anne shakes her head and covers her eyes with a hand. "Some things never change," she says with a laugh.   
  
"I know, right?" Audrey snorts.   
  
Anne looks at her in askance. "You were even worse. I had to force feed you."   
  
Audrey snorts. "It was just that one time! I don't even remember it! I was a  _baby_  and you are still lording that over my head."   
  
Anne shakes her head. "I'll never forgive my parents for making me help babysit you two when you were first born. I don't know  _why_  anyone would think an eight year old would be helpful in watching a newborn and an eleven-month old."   
  
"I can't believe you're still talking about that!"   
  
"It was very memorable!"   
  
"Oh my God." Audrey looks at Quinn. "Your sister is eight years older than you, right?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Does she still talk about stuff like that?"   
  
Quinn smiles. "No, but she doesn't talk to me much anyway."   
  
Audrey nods. "Oh. Well, do you want to sit down and eat with us?"   
  
Quinn shakes her head. "No, it's okay. I'll go back and entertain Rachel."   
  
"Well, why don't you take it with you?"   
  
"I don't want to eat if she can't."   
  
Audrey waves her hand dismissively. "Who gives a crap about her?" she asks. "Take your food in with you."   
  
"Yeah," Anne says. "Maybe she'll eat another pudding or have some sorbet if you eat."   
  
Quinn hesitates as she thinks about it, but then agrees.   
  
\--   
  
As Anne hoped, the fact Quinn is eating does seem to perk up Rachel's appetite because she happily slurps down a bowl of sorbet while Quinn eats her BLT and fries.    
  
Quinn sleeps over that night after borrowing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in. She knows Rachel is forgiving, but she thinks that this is will likely be one of the last times she gets to be with Rachel like this, and like someone feasting before a famine, she wants to take what she can get while she has it. She exchanges a chaste kiss with Rachel and she wants to cry when she thinks how that will likely be one of the last times she has that sweet taste on her lips.    
  
\--   
  
She and Rachel use the same skincare products and she has a couple changes of clothing already at Rachel's house, so it's not a big deal for her to spend the next day with Rachel.   
  
Rachel seems to be in more pain the next morning, because she doesn't even try to speak and the first thing she does when she wakes up is take a painkiller. She's quiet and withdrawn and though Quinn simply wants to take care of her, she feels like she's in Rachel's way.   
  
Santana and Brittany stop by and they look at her warily. She gives them both a hard glare and the both seem to implicitly get it-- long-term friendship does tend to build its own type of telepathy.    
  
Rachel seems happy to see them at first, but she's still incommunicative, and they all get the not-so subtle hint to leave. Santana and Brittany leave first, and Quinn stays behind for a while hoping Rachel's mood will pick up, but it doesn't. Rachel seems more sad than anything else, and Quinn just wants Rachel to  _communicate_  with her, even by smoke signals, but there is a total lack of it.    
  
She knows she's being too sensitive, but when Rachel politely asks her to leave her alone for a while, Quinn wants to cry. Taking care of Rachel took her mind off things, but now she has to face reality.    
  
Quinn goes into the living room where Audrey and Anne are hanging out in front of the TV.   
  
"I'm going to go home for a while," Quinn says softly.   
  
"See you around," Audrey says.   
  
"It was nice to meet you," Anne tells her, but her voice is brusque.   
  
Quinn goes home and finds Hope lounging on the sofa.   
  
"Hey," Hope greets, not bothering to look at Quinn.   
  
"Hey," Quinn says quietly, her voice trembling slightly.   
  
The sound of the waver in Quinn's voice makes Hope look at her.   
  
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"   
  
Quinn swallows hard. "It's nothing. I'm okay."   
  
"Are you sure?" Hope calls after Quinn as Quinn hurries to her room.   
  
"Yeah," Quinn says.   
  
\--   
  
Once she's alone, the guilt crashes down on Quinn. She lies down on her bed and thinks about the way she jumped to conclusions and thinks about all the things she was going to do to Rachel because she was too angry and hurt to see straight. Sleeping with someone else was just the tip of the iceberg in her plan and while Quinn is desperately relieved she didn't go through with all the other things she plotted, she's still left with a huge mess to clean up. It scares her to think she could come up with such awful things she knows would hurt Rachel. She feels terrible she dreamed up ways to use the private things she's learned about Rachel against her. Quinn doesn't want to be capable of such things, but she knows she is-- and she hates that there is so much of her father in her.    
  
She's lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how she can possibly rectify the situation when she gets a text from Rachel.   
  
_From: Rachel  
  
I'm sorry I was a jerk :( I've been worried about taking my tonsils out since I was 15 because of the effect it may potentially have on my voice. I took out my stress on you and you didn't deserve that. Will you please consider forgiving me after a requisite period of groveling?_   
  
Quinn's vision blurs with tears but she laughs a little at the verbose way Rachel expresses herself. God, she loves the way that girl expresses herself.    
  
_To: Rachel  
  
You don't have anything to apologize for. I hope you feel better. I'm sorry I annoyed you._   
  
Quinn sends the text and stares morosely at her phone. She opens up the photo album and goes through the various pictures of Rachel she has in it. The more she looks at Rachel's pictures, the more Quinn can't believe she'd ever think Rachel would be capable of cheating.   
  
A reply comes a few moments later.   
  
_From: Rachel  
  
Quinn Fabray, I never apologize unless I absolutely have to, and so I am certain my conduct is befitting of making an apology. I'd like to buy you dinner once I can eat solid foods again, and I will accept no answer other than in the affirmative! I'm so sorry you feel that you annoyed me-- you didn't. You were wonderful to me and took care of me even though you didn't have to. And to repay you, I behaved like an asinine asshole. I'm so sorry I made you feel unwelcome-- you are always welcome wherever I am_   
  
Quinn laughs softly.    
  
_To: Rachel  
  
Okay.  
_   
  
Several minutes pass before Rachel texts her again.   
  
_From: Rachel  
  
Are you still my girl?_   
  
That breaks Quinn completely.    
  
She's not sure how much longer Rachel will look at her that way. Quinn's already contemplated concealing the truth from Rachel, but she doesn't think she can do that to Rachel. Maybe it makes her selfish to make Rachel feel bad just to assuage her own guilty conscience, but she knows she just can't conceal something so significant from Rachel.   
  
It takes her a moment for her to be able to respond.   
  
_To: Rachel  
  
I'll be your girl as long as you want me to be your girl._   
  
\--   
  
A week after Rachel's surgery, she's finally well enough to eat solid foods. Quinn thinks Rachel is at least five pounds thinner, but Rachel just tells her she's insane. Audrey and Anne are long gone by then and so it's just Rachel and Quinn for dinner.   
  
True to Rachel's word, Rachel does indeed buy Quinn dinner, though it's over Quinn's vehement protests.   
  
Rachel drives Quinn home and Quinn invites Rachel up, which Rachel accepts. Mercifully, Hope is not home.   
  
They've just entered Quinn's room when Rachel takes Quinn by the hand and leads her to the bed.   
  
Rachel sits down and pulls Quinn into her lap. She wraps her arms around Quinn's waist and squeezes extra tight. She kisses Quinn's neck. "You've been so quiet lately. Is there something wrong, sweetheart?"   
  
Quinn swallows hard. "No," she says thickly. She desperately wants to tell, but it's difficult to admit she's done something wrong.    
  
Rachel kisses Quinn's cheek. "You've looked sad, honey," she says gently. "You haven't been talking. You've lost your appetite…" Rachel trails off. "I know you aren't particularly… loquacious, but if you're upset about something, I'd love to hear about it," she says stroking Quinn's hair. "What's going on?"    
  
Quinn takes a deep breath. It's now or never. Though she revels sitting in Rachel's lap and being this close to her, she gets off Rachel's lap and sits down next to the brunette.   
  
"I have something to tell you," Quinn says tearfully, her voice cracking. "And it's really bad."   
  
Rachel looks alarmed. "What is it? Are you okay?"   
  
"I slept with someone else," Quinn confesses.   
  
Rachel expression freezes. "You…you did?"   
  
"Rachel, I'm  _so_  sorry."   
  
Rachel's eyes are teary and she takes a few deep breaths. She looks more sad than angry. "I…It's okay. I…I know we never agreed to be monogamous," she says, her voice hoarse."Um…I…what does this mean? Do you…do you like them more than me? Do you want to break up? Or… what…what do you want to do?"   
  
"Rachel, no," Quinn says quickly, tears slipping past her lashes. Because God, Rachel isn't getting it. "I…I didn't even like her! I didn't even want to do it!"   
  
Rachel frowns and looks worried. "Quinn, what are you trying to tell me?" she asks quietly, putting both hands on both of Quinn's shoulders. "Did someone force you to--" she trails off and swallows hard. "Quinn," she whispers. "Are you all right? Sweetheart, what happened? You can tell me anything."   
  
Quinn flinches, because she's fairly certain this is going to be the last time Rachel calls her 'sweetheart,' at least for a long time. Maybe ever. "No one forced me," she whispers, blinking hard. She wipes away tears that trail down her cheeks. She hates herself for crying. "Rachel, just…hear me out, okay?"   
  
"Of course…"   
  
"Rachel, I love you so much. But I…I saw you with Anne a couple times, once in front of your apartment and once at Pomodoro and I didn't  _know_  she was your cousin and I thought you were with someone else and I was so  _mad_  that you did--and I know you didn't, but I thought you did. I was so mad you were with someone else and that you didn't tell me about it and I just, I didn't even stop to think about it." Quinn doesn't even know what she's saying-- everything is just coming out in this frenzied rush. She knows she's rambling and repetitive, but she doesn't care, because she has to say it, and it's the only way she knows how. She thought about what to say many times in the past week, but now she can't remember all the eloquent words she rehearsed because it takes everything inside of her to keep from crying. "And I just...I was so mad! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I--"   
  
"Quinn," Rachel interrupts. "Are you telling me you slept with someone else because you were mad at me because you were under the misapprehension that I slept with someone else?"   
  
Quinn flinches at Rachel's tone. She's never heard Rachel so angry, she's never seen Rachel look at her or speak to her with anything other than tenderness. "Yes," she admits quietly.   
  
Rachel sucks in a deep breath. Her eyes shut as she exhales in a deep sigh and she turns away from Quinn. "That's…." her voice is weak as she trails off, but then both her face and her voice hardens. "That is very fucked up, Quinn," she says flatly.    
  
Quinn flinches at the tone. It's the first and thus far only time Rachel has ever cursed at her. "Rachel…" she whimpers.   
  
"Shut up! God!" Rachel rages. "Don't you have  _any_  self-respect? Why would you have sex with someone you don't even want just because you're angry with someone else? What is wrong with you?! Don't you have some  _pride_ ?! Does  _anything_  mean something to you? Or is it Quinn's world and we just live in it?"   
  
"Rachel…" Quinn pleads, her voice small. She really doesn't have anything to say for herself.    
  
Rachel's jaw clenches and her hands ball into fists at her sides. "Just…just shu…just be quiet, please. Please just be quiet," Rachel says, her voice strangled. "I don’t want to hear it right now." Rachel purses her lips and takes a deep breath. "I realize that we were only dating and not necessarily in a relationship with an expectation of exclusivity. However…" Rachel trails off and grits her teeth. She shakes her head and shuts her eyes. "I just…I can't be civil to you right now," she says, her voice cracking. "I really can't look at you right now and if I have to spend another moment around you, I'm going to say something I'm going to regret."   
  
"Rachel," Quinn pleads, reaching for her.   
  
"I can't even look at you right now, Quinn. What makes you think I want your hands anywhere near me?"   
  
Rachel's voice is cold and calm and it makes Quinn recoil. Her hands drop to her sides.   
  
"I'm furious right now," Rachel says flatly. "I'm going to go. I need to think, and I can't be around you. Don't call me. Don't text me. Just leave me alone. I need some time and space away from you. Do you think you can do that?"   
  
Quinn swallows hard. "Yes," she whispers.    
  
"I mean it," Rachel warns. "Don't try to contact me. I don't want to hear from you. You have no idea what I want to say to you right now, and believe me, you don't want to hear it. You need to leave me alone because it is highly unsafe for you to be around me right now, is the clear?"   
  
Quinn's eyes fill with tears. "Yes," she whispers.    
  
Rachel glares, grabs her purse and leaves.    
  
Quinn waits for another sign of Rachel's anger-- like a slammed door or something, but there's  _nothing_ .    
  
She can already feel Rachel's absence from her life.    
  
\--   
  
She wants to do what Rachel wants, but after a week of silence, she can't help but fire off a couple 'I'm sorry' texts.    
  
They go unacknowledged.    
  
She's in the library one day, studying, when she sees Rachel with her blue headphones on, flipping through a book in the stacks.   
  
Rachel happens to look up and Quinn gives a hesitant wave.   
  
Rachel rolls her eyes and resumes looking through the book.   
  
Quinn leaves the library and cries the entire way home. The last person who made her feel that dismissed is her father. She knows Rachel is very capable of freezing her out, but Quinn just never thought she'd be on the receiving end of it  _again._   
  
\--   
  
There's silence for the next week, and as it gets closer to her birthday, Quinn hopes that Rachel will relent, but she doesn't. She thinks about the time when Rachel shyly asked to reserve St. Patrick's Day, and now they don't even get to spend it together and she wants to cry all over again.    
  
She can't eat, she can't sleep. She can't do much of anything but cry. She's never cried so much in her life. She disgusts herself, but she can't help herself either. Santana and Brittany drag her to classes, but Quinn shows up in pajamas. She can't bring herself to care about anything other than Rachel and she spends hours upon hours lying in bed, curled up with her laptop, looking at Rachel's MySpace page. She flips through her iPhone and stares at pictures and video footage of Rachel. She can't believe her life has come to this, and even as she goes through it, she knows she's being completely pathetic and cliché. Santana and Brittany try to console her, and even Hope seems alarmed enough that Quinn has her sweet, solicitous friend back rather than the polite roommate pod person that took her place. But it doesn't make her feel any better and she can't help but cries her eyes out on a daily basis.    
\--   
  
For her birthday, her mother flies out for a few days to celebrate with her, but Quinn is not really in a celebrating mood. She pulls herself out of her depression and puts her best face forward, primarily because she doesn’t want to make her mother worry, but also because she just doesn't want to tell her mother about something so personal.   
  
Her mom asks several times to call Rachel over, and Quinn doesn't want to tell her mother about it, so she begs off, claiming Rachel is busy, but everything is fine. Her mother seems suspicious and Quinn wants to groan at how even her mother seems dubious when something seems out of character for Rachel enough to be suspicious about it-- without even meeting her. She wishes she could have afforded Rachel the same courtesy.    
  
But on the third day of her mother's visit, her mother stares at her and Quinn wilts under the intensity of that maternal gaze.   
  
"Quinnie, how are you and Rachel, really?"   
  
Her mother's voice is soft and concerned in a way Quinn's never heard.    
  
Quinn's head bows and her eyes fill with tears. She answers after a moment of self-deliberation.    
  
"We broke up, Mom," Quinn admits quietly.    
  
"Oh,  _Quinnie_ . What did you do?"   
  
Quinn scowls, insulted. "Why do you think I did something?"   
  
"Well, did you, sweetheart?"   
  
Quinn sniffles. "Yes."   
  
"I'm sorry, honey," Judy says sympathetically. "I know she made you very happy and she seemed like a sweet girl from what you told me. Are you sure it's really over?"   
  
"She  _ignores_  me now," Quinn whispers. "It's like I'm nothing."   
  
Judy stroked Quinn's hair. "Honey…" she says softly.    
  
"She won't acknowledge me anymore," Quinn sniffles. "She said she just needs time to cool off, but she won't even look at me. It's like I don't exist to her anymore," Quinn cries, her voice cracking. "She doesn't even think I'm worth breaking up with, it's like she's forgotten I exist!"   
  
"Sweetheart," Judy says, close to tears herself. She holds Quinn close and realizes she can't remember the last time her distant, remote daughter, always so self-contained, allowed herself to be held like this. "Oh, honey," she murmurs, doing her best to comfort Quinn, but finding herself sorely lacking in how to ease Quinn's obvious anguish. "Sweetheart, do you want me to talk to her? While I'm here, I mean."   
  
Quinn's head snaps up in horror and she looks at her mother with wide eyes. "No! Don't  _do_  that!"   
  
"I was just trying to help," Judy says mildly.   
  
"Promise you won't do that!"   
  
"Honey--"   
  
"Promise!"   
  
Judy sighs. "All right."   
  
Quinn relaxes slightly and she rests her head on Judy's shoulder. "Mom," she whimpers. "It's really over."   
  
"Honey, you haven't known this girl for very long-- maybe she just needs more time to get over things than other people."   
  
"No," Quinn says. "It's really over." She buries her face into her mother's neck. She can't even remember the last time she cried to her mother. Maybe the third grade. "Mom, I really love her and she won't even  _look_  at me anymore."   
  
Judy strokes her hair. "I know, Quinnie," she comforts. "I know, baby," she whispers. "I'm so sorry."   
  
"I knew if she really got to know me, she wouldn't love me anymore," Quinn says, her voice cracking.    
  
Judy swallows back the lump in her throat and she strokes Quinn's hair. She truly feels ill-equipped to handle this. Quinn has never cried like this with her-- she rarely ever cried, period. Quinn's never said anything like this to her, either, and Judy wonders what else her younger daughter is carrying around inside of her that is begging for release.    
  
"Quinnie, why would you even say that? Anyone would be  _lucky_  to have you," Judy says. She knows it's paltry, but it's her best.    
  
"I don't want anyone else," Quinn whispers. "I want  _Rachel_  and she…she won't even look at me anymore!" Quinn cries. "I knew she would never really love me if she really knew me."   
  
"Quinnie, why would you even say something like that?" Judy repeats helplessly.   
  
"What else am I supposed to think?" Quinn whispers. "She told me she loved me," she bawls, "and now it's like I'm nothing! She said I have no self-respect! Why would  _anyone_  love someone with no self-respect!"    
  
She clings to her mother and cries copiously for a few minutes until she manages to control herself. She pulls away, embarrassed for the display of emotion she feels was totally ridiculous.    
  
She hates herself a little for it and now she can't wait until her mother goes home, because she can't believe she said all that stuff to her mother.    
  
"Sorry, Mom," Quinn whispers. She hiccups a few times and takes a few wavering deep breaths. She wipes at her eyes and forces a smile.    
  
Judy's heart sinks because she has a very clear memory of younger versions of Quinn doing the same thing while Quinn's father screamed at her in a rage.    
  
"Oh, Quinnie. It's all right," Judy comforts. She wants to say 'it's okay to cry,' but she knows how futile that would be considering how Quinn was raised to believe it isn't. "Why don't you tell me a little more about her?"   
  
Quinn spends the next few hours showing her mother Rachel's MySpace page and pictures from her iPhone. She's never disclosed this much about her life to her mother, but her mother never really asked either. She feels a little better she can get some of it of her chest but mostly, she feels worse because it only highlights her loss in her mind.    
  
"She's beautiful, Quinnie," Judy tells her, and she thinks to herself how her daughter has always had an attraction to dark-haired, dark-eyed types. "And she sounds very sweet. Are you  _sure_  there's nothing you can do?"   
  
"I already said I was sorry," Quinn whispers. "And I told her I love her. It's just…I'm not enough, mom. I don't think I was ever going to be enough for her. The last time I saw her, she looked at me like I'm worthless."   
  
Judy clenches her jaw. 'Oh,  _really_ ?' she thinks.    
  
Despite her promise to her daughter, Judy Fabray wants one chance to talk to Rachel Berry.    
  
\--   
  
The next night, Quinn's mother urges her to go out with Santana and Brittany.   
  
"But what are you going to do?" Quinn protests.   
  
"Don't worry, Quinnie. I have a friend from college who lives in the area, and I'll meet her for dinner."   
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
"Of course, Quinnie. It's your birthday week. I want you to enjoy it."   
  
Quinn deflates. "I don't really feel like going out, mom," she says quietly.    
  
"Well, that's too bad, Quinnie. Because I've already asked Santana and Brittany to take you out for your birthday. You haven’t celebrated it, from what I'm told."   
  
Quinn pouts. "I'd really rather stay home. My birthday's already passed anyway"   
  
Judy cups Quinn's cheeks and peers into her daughter's eyes. "Quinn," she says gently. "Life does go on without you, even if you don't want it to. I realize you're coping with something difficult, but I want you to enjoy your life. You need to celebrate your birthday. You're going out with Santana and Brittany-- it's already been arranged."   
  
"I don't want to," Quinn mutters.    
  
"Quinnie," Judy murmurs, still gently holding Quinn's face in her hands. "You're too young to realize this, but you need to go on with your life even if you and Rachel have broken up. Perhaps you and Rachel will get back together. Perhaps not. But you will only have one 20th birthday, and you haven't even celebrated it. You're going out."    
  
Quinn moves her head away. "Whatever," she grumbles.    
  
But she does leave with her friends when they arrive to pick her up.


	9. Chapter 9

  
They're sitting in silence for a while, with Rachel rubbing Quinn's bare legs and Quinn feeling so comfortable, she could fall asleep just like that, when the lights turn off in Rachel's apartment and the air conditioning audibly shuts down.   
  
Rachel scrambles up and looks out onto her balcony. She opens the sliding glass to let in some air.  
  
"Is it just us or the whole city?" Quinn calls out.  
  
"It's the city, I think," Rachel says. "At least, as far as I can see. I have a couple flashlights in my bedroom, I'll go get them."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Quinn's phone rings.  
  
"Hey San."  
  
"Hey," Santana says. "Brit and me just wanted to make sure you and munchkin were okay."  
  
"Yeah, we're fine. What about you guys?"  
  
"We're good. We just got back from dinner, so it's cool."  
  
  
"Yeah, we've been back for a while. I'll talk to you later, okay?"  
"Yeah."  
  
Rachel comes back with two flashlights and hands one to Quinn. "Do you want to sit out on the balcony?" she asks. "It might be cooler out there."  
  
"Sure," Quinn says. She can't believe it's this hot and muggy in  _February_ , but it is just a fluke.   
  
Quinn follows Rachel toward the balcony. The sliding glass is open, but the screen door is still closed. Rachel opens it and gestures for Quinn to step outside first.   
  
Quinn smiles, but when she turns back, she sees Rachel is looking into the telescope she keeps by her balcony.   
  
"What do you see?"  
  
Rachel chuckles. "It's really easy to see stars out," she says, a little wonderingly. "I mean, without all the street lights."  
  
"Bring it out here," Quinn says.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Rachel lugs it out and points it toward the sky and re-focuses it. "See?" she asks, gesturing for Quinn to have a look.   
  
Quinn looks into it. "Wow," she says softly. "That's kind of amazing."  
  
"Yeah," Rachel agrees softly.  
  
They both fall silent and Quinn wonders if Rachel is contemplating the wonder of the universe or something. Quinn is contemplating spying on people via the telescope. She decides she might as well push for it, since she likely won't get another opportunity.   
  
Quinn moves the telescope around. "Let's spy on people!" she says, pointing it toward an open window where a couple eats by candlelight.  
  
Rachel giggles. "Okay! But not of anyone doing anything naughty! Privacy is important."  
  
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Naughty," she mimics nasally, shaking her head. "You're such a nerd."  
  
Rachel sniffs and her chin juts up superciliously. "I just have a sense of modesty, Quinn Fabray."  
  
"You're still such a nerd, Rachel Berry."  
  
Rachel grins at her, but bends down to adjust the telescope.  
  
They spy on people for the next hour, and though they don't see anything particularly interesting, it's the thrill of doing something kind of bad  
.   
"Oh my God, that guy is eating that whole carton of ice cream!" Quinn yelps.  
  
"Well, so are we," Rachel points out, holding up her spoon.  
  
"Yeah, but we're sharing it! And this is a little carton. That's a big carton. This carton can be that carton's little baby carton."  
  
Rachel squeals with delight and grabs Quinn around the waist and raspberries Quinn's cheek. "Quinn Fabray, you are adorable. Do you know that? You make my heart skip a beat."  
  
"There are cardiologists for that sort of thing, you know," Quinn teases.  
  
"Mmm," Rachel murmurs. "I'm actually okay with it," she says softly, bringing up Quinn's hand to rest against her chest.  
  
Quinn can feel Rachel's heart racing and she feels her own heart pick up tempo because of it. If it weren't for obvious somatic reactions, she'd have a very hard time believing that  _she_  could incite these types of feelings in Rachel. Sometimes she still has a hard time believing Rachel actually likes her-- let alone  _loves_  her, despite how genuine Rachel seems and how ardently she proclaims and demonstrates her love. She hates herself for her insecurity, but she loves Rachel for the way she always manages to be so gently reassuring even without Quinn asking.   
\--

 

Quinn is looking into the telescope when she feels Rachel step up to her and Rachel's arms encircle her waist.   
  
"Hey, valentine," Rachel murmurs. She kisses Quinn's neck and one of her hands rubs lazy circles on Quinn's belly.   
  
Quinn chuckles from low in her throat and leans back into Rachel. "Hey, valentine." She releases a low moan as Rachel sucks on her neck.   
  
"You look so beautiful," Rachel whispers, her breath warm against Quinn's neck.  
  
Quinn's breathing hitches. "I look like a bum right now," she points out. "I'm all sweaty and I'm just in shorts and a tank top. I'm far from beautiful right now."  
  
"Don't you understand by now you're just beautiful?" Rachel murmurs. "It's not clothes, shoes or make-up that make you beautiful.  _You_  make all that beautiful."  
  
Quinn moans as Rachel continues to kiss and suck her neck. Quinn covers one of Rachel's hands which are on her stomach and pulls it down, past the waistband of the shorts and under her underwear. She guides Rachel's hand and moves Rachel's hand between her legs. She groans and releases shuddered breaths as Rachel fingers move inside her and Rachel continues to suckle at her neck. Rachel's fingers tease at her and Quinn groans impatiently.   
  
"Rachel….come on," she pleads. "I need you to…" Quinn trails off in embarrassment. She's gotten better with being more vocal, but she still experiences moments of hesitation in voicing what she wants. "You know I'm wet," Quinn whispers. "Please…I need…"  
  
Rachel nips at her neck. "I want to go down on you," Rachel whispers.  
  
Quinn moans as Rachel gets on her knees and pulls Quinn's shorts and underwear down around her ankles. Quinn steps out of them and then spreads her legs further apart, opening herself to Rachel. She grabs Rachel by the back of her head and pushes Rachel's face between her legs. A guttural grunt wrenches from her throat as she feels Rachel's tongue slip inside her and swirl around, teasing her.  
  
"Please," Quinn whimpers, canting her hips to hump herself against Rachel's face. "Please. I need you so bad."  
  
Rachel chuckles and she begins to suck on Quinn's clit. She gives Quinn's ass a firm squeeze which elicits another low moan.   
  
Quinn's breathing becomes harsh and hoarse and she fists her hands into Rachel's hair as Rachel licks, sucks, and nibbles at her.  
  
She screams as one final suck pushes her over the edge. Her legs go weak and she collapses to her knees next to Rachel. She lets out a short shriek when Rachel lightly bites her left butt cheek and gives her right butt cheek a gentle slap.   
  
"Rachel!"  
  
Rachel smiles impishly. "Your butt is very bitable."   
  
Quinn rolls her eyes and slaps Rachel's butt, which is unfortunately still clad in shorts. Quinn intends to rectify that situation immediately.   
  
"Let's go to bed," Rachel murmurs.   
  
"Okay."  
  
They get off the balcony and Quinn follows Rachel into the bedroom. She throws Rachel onto the bed, intent on a little reciprocity.   
  
She teases Rachel with her fingers, her hands become increasingly slick and coated as Rachel's body quivers on the bed. Finally, when Rachel begins to beg incoherently, Quinn decides to take pity. She presses her face close to Rachel's pussy, inhaling deeply and then begins to lick and suck. She plunges her tongue as far into Rachel as it will go, enjoying the way Rachel moans and shakes when she does. It makes her feel powerful, which is always a turn-on for her, but it also makes her feel really good to know that she can do  _this_  to Rachel.   
  
"I'm hungry, baby," Quinn growls, grinning against heated flesh when Rachel moans. She sucks on Rachel's clit until she feels Rachel drench her face and Rachel's hoarsely cries out.   
  
Quinn licks her lips in self-satisfaction as Rachel trembles on the bed, panting.   
  
Never one to be outdone, once Rachel catches her breath, she makes sure to return the favor.   
  
They spend the next couple of hours that way, switching off, and Quinn's almost disappointed when the power comes back on.  
\--  
  
A few days later, Quinn's in a stall in one of the bathrooms at the Young Library when she hears someone come inside. She looks down at the shoes which look familiar, but it is really the steps the person takes that she recognizes.   
  
"Hey munchkin baby," she calls cheerfully.  
  
Rachel pauses before she answers. "Hi, gorgeous." She waits at the sink for Quinn to get out of the stall, which she does a moment later.   
  
Quinn washes her hands at the sink and dries her hand off with a paper towel. They're alone, so Quinn feels comfortable pecking Rachel's lips.  
  
"Fancy running into you here," Quinn says with a grin.  
  
Rachel smiles. "How did you know it was me?!"  
  
"I recognized your walk. You take very distinctive steps."  
  
Rachel looks at her suspiciously. "You did not!"  
  
"I did!"  
  
"You did  _not_  recognize my walk"  
  
"I did!"  
  
"Oh, you did not!"  
  
"Seriously! I did! You have a really distinctive walk. It's really cute."  
  
Rachel gives her a lopsided grin. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah," Quinn says. She smiles suggestively. "I like watching you walk."  
  
Rachel blushes. "Quinn?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave this restroom so I can use it. I don't want to use the bathroom in your presence yet."  
  
Quinn laughs. "It does seem a little early for that," she admits. "Are you going to study or did you just come to check out a book?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"Okay, then," Quinn says, kissing Rachel's cheek. "I'm going to find us a table. Join me, okay?"  
  
Rachel nods eagerly. "Okay."  
\--  
  
Quinn finds an empty table and within a couple minutes, Rachel finds her and sits down at the table, taking a chair across from her. They boot up their laptops.  
  
Rachel pulls out her iPod and the heart-shaped splitter and silently holds out her hand. Quinn smiles and passes Rachel her earbuds, which Rachel plugs into the splitter. Rachel plugs in her own baby blue headphones into the splitter and turns on the iPod.   
  
The first song that pops up is a song by Baxter Dury, whom Quinn loves. It strikes her again how much she and Rachel have in common. Although Rachel's musical tastes tend to run toward musical theatre, her tastes are also fairly eclectic and the content of their iPods are eerily similar.   
  
They exchange little smiles and get to work.  
\--  
Quinn's reading her dumb sociology textbook for her dumb sociology class when she feels Rachel's foot brush against her own. At first, she thinks it's accidental, and ignores it. But then Rachel does it again and then starts rubbing their feet together.   
  
Quinn giggles quietly. She doesn't look up from her textbook, but she muffles her giggles with her hand as she and Rachel play footsie. She glances at Rachel and sees Rachel suppressing her giggles.   
  
She grabs her phone and sends Rachel a text.  
  
 _Stop distracting me!_  
  
She bites her lip to prevent herself from laughing too loudly as she watches Rachel pick up her phone and look at the text message. Rachel looks at Quinn and raises an eyebrow but starts texting.   
  
 _From: Rachel  
  
I don't know what you mean. Could you please explain it to me?_  
  
Quinn receives the text and looks at Rachel wryly. Rachel's eyes are wide, and her expression is guileless and innocent, but Quinn knows better than to fall for that act because when Rachel's  _really_  innocent, she doesn't smirk like that.   
  
Quinn smiles crookedly and responds to the text.   
  
 _Don't play dumb! We are in a library! Show a little decorum!_  
  
Rachel laughs softly. Seconds later, Quinn gets her response.   
  
 _From: Rachel  
  
But I AM dumb! And I will have you know, I demonstrate a lot of decorum!_  
  
That finally makes Quinn laugh, because the thought of Rachel being  _dumb_  is that ridiculous.   
  
People around them turn to her and shush her. Rachel nods and is smiling wickedly when she pulls her headphones off. "Yes, Quinn. Shh. This is a library and people are trying to study here," she scolds primly before putting her headphones back on.  
  
Quinn glares at Rachel. Quinn kicks Rachel's foot and then points to her own ears. Rachel gets the message and pulls off her headphones again.   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You almost got me in trouble!" Quinn pouts, her voice surly. "I'm telling the librarian on you."  
  
Rachel throws her head back and laughs loudly from her belly. "Librarian?!" she squeaks.  
  
Bystanders shush her, but Rachel shrugs.   
  
\--  
They're together one day in early March making plans for Quinn's birthday on the 24th of that month. It's only a big deal because it's her 20th and it marks her exit from being a teenager, but it's also the first time she's really excited about a birthday since her sixteenth, and that was only because she was legally able to get a driver's license. Now, she's excited because she's dating someone she wants to make plans with on her birthday. They toss around a few ideas, but don't commit to anything.   
Before they go to sleep that night, Quinn sees Rachel gargling with salt water.  
  
"What's wrong?" Quinn asks. "Don't you feel well?"  
  
"I feel okay," Rachel replies. "Just to be on the safe side. Don't worry."  
  
When they wake up the next morning, Rachel is lethargic and slow to rouse. She's slept in until 8 am, which is a surprise because she always gets up at 5am for her insane exercise regime.   
  
"Hey," Quinn says softly, kissing Rachel's neck. "Are you feeling okay?"  
  
Rachel burrows her face into the pillow. "I feel awful," she groans, she doesn't bother opening her eyes.  
  
"Get dressed," Quinn says. "I'll take you to Student Health."  
  
Rachel shakes her head. "I just need to rest. Go to class, I'm taking the day off."  
  
"I'll take the day off, too," Quinn murmurs, stroking Rachel's hair. "I'll take care of you."  
  
Rachel squirms away from Quinn. "No, it's okay. Go to class. I'd rather be alone right now anyway."  
  
Quinn bites her lip. She knows Rachel isn't feeling well, but that kind of stings. But she also knows from prior experience that Rachel is a terrible patient and so Quinn tries to chalk it up to that. But her feelings are really hurt because the only way Rachel could have been blunter would have been to say "go away," and Quinn would not have been able to handle that.   
  
"Okay," Quinn agrees quietly.  
\--  
  
She doesn't see Rachel for the next few days because Rachel texts her to tell her she's not feeling well and just wants to be alone.  
  
An entire week goes by without seeing Rachel-- barely hearing from her. Phone calls, text messages and emails are hardly returned. She drops by Rachel's apartment, and though she  _swears_  Rachel is home, no one answers the door. If she texts 'where are you?' she gets nothing in response. For maybe every ten texts and a couple phone calls through one day, Quinn will get one three-word text in response, late at night. Even when Quinn texts back immediately, she gets no further response from Rachel.   
  
When it extends into the next week, Quinn begins to panic for two reasons-- first, she thinks Rachel could be  _really_  unwell. She can easily imagine Rachel neglecting herself to the point of collapse, and since she lives alone, there's no one to watch out for her. That thought makes her afraid because she thinks about the possibility of Rachel being so uncommunicative with her because she's too sick. But then another thought sneaks into her. What if Rachel just doesn't want to date her anymore and she's using being unwell as an excuse to dump her?  
\--  
  
She drives by Rachel's apartment one day after class-- driving,  _not_  stalking, because Westwood is small and she has every right to be in the vicinity. Hell, she  _lives_  in the vicinity. In any case, she's driving by because it's been nine days since she's seen Rachel.  
Then Quinn sees her--tiny, but unmistakable.  
  
Rachel runs out of the building and jumps into the arms of this blond woman who is waiting in front of the building. She looks fine-- not sick at all. Quinn stops her car and stares. Rachel and the other woman hug tightly for a while until they break the hug and Rachel leads the woman up to her building by the hand.   
  
Quinn swallows hard and drives home.   
  
She's shaking when she texts Rachel.   
  
 _Where have you been? You've been MIA. Can I come over and hang out for a while? I miss you. I'm actually like, down the street from you._  
  
The response is immediate.  
  
 _Don't feel that great. Would rather be alone. I'll call you later_  
  
Quinn burns because Rachel is  _lying_  to her and she has a suspicion as to why. But the thought of Rachel sleeping with someone else seems so wildly out-of-character, especially because Quinn thought Rachel would be upfront about that sort of thing to at least have the courtesy of telling her.   
  
They haven't been together long enough where they've agreed about being exclusive or anything, but she thinks about how Rachel just brushed past that conversation back when she asked Quinn to be her valentine. It becomes highly possible in Quinn's mind that Rachel is sleeping with someone else and the more Quinn mulls it over, the more she can't think of any other explanation. But she doesn't want to believe this could be true.  
  
\--  
She goes that night to a lounge in Silverlake where Rachel is supposed to be playing, but she's surprised to find out the show's been cancelled-- by Rachel's request.   
  
She goes home and checks Rachel's MySpace page and sees that all of Rachel's shows for the next couple weeks have been canceled.   
  
She's totally bewildered. Rachel isn't someone who would cancel a show-- she  _loves_  to perform.   
  
Quinn sulks in her bedroom as she thinks about the possible scenarios for Rachel's change in behavior, which seems to have happened overnight. She goes over what she could have done to offend Rachel or to lose Rachel's favor or interest, but she truly can't think of anything. Yes, Rachel was a little grumpy the last time they were together, but just the evening before that, they were planning Quinn's birthday party and Rachel seemed really excited about it.   
  
Quinn isn't sure what could have changed-- one day, Rachel to tells her "I love you" and the next, she starts ignoring her. She is willing to do  _anything_  to make Rachel love her again.   
  
She texts Rachel 'good night,' but she doesn't get any response.   
  
She just doesn't understand how Rachel could change like this. Maybe Rachel just falls in and out of love easily, but it doesn't seem like that's the case. And even if it  _is_  the case, Quinn can't say she can do the same.   
  
She can't just get over things like other people and more importantly, she needs answers.   
  
\--  
She, Brittany and Santana plan a girls' night out that evening. She doesn't really want to go, but they know she's unhappy, and they're good friends who do their best to cheer her up. She doesn't tell them the source of her unhappiness, but they've known her long enough to recognize when she's sad--even if they don’t know why. They also know better than to ask questions to which they're unlikely to get answers.   
  
First, they stop into an Italian restaurant for dinner. It's a tiny place on Westwood Boulevard and can maybe comfortably fit twenty people, at most, at one time. Quinn likes it a lot and it's one of the few Italian restaurants she and Rachel can agree upon, so they're regulars there.  
  
Quinn opens the door and is ready to take a step inside when she sees Rachel and that blonde woman from outside Rachel's apartment sitting at the furthest table from the door. Quinn can't see Rachel's face, because Rachel's back is to her, but she knows it's her because she recognizes the outfit and Rachel's overly good posture.   
  
Quinn gets a closer look at that blond woman and notices she looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar, except Quinn remembers the woman is actually fairly tall because that day in front of Rachel's building, the other woman towered over Rachel.   
  
Jesus Christ, Rachel has a  _type_.  
  
Their heads are really close together and the blonde is rubbing Rachel's hand. It's clear they are very familiar with one another because the blonde reaches up and rubs Rachel's neck, her middle finger rubbing behind Rachel's ear which always soothes her when she's upset.   
  
Quinn recoils and takes a few steps back, onto the pavement. Santana and Brittany follow after her.  
  
"Q? What the fuck?" Santana asks.  
  
Tears spring to Quinn's eyes. "Rachel's in there with another girl. I think she's cheating on me," she whispers.   
  
Santana looks furious and she moves toward the door of the restaurant again. "I will kill that pretty little midget!"  
  
"No!" Quinn exclaims. She doesn't want to cause a scene and she doesn’t want Rachel to know she knows. Not yet. And she is just so embarrassed. She feels so stupid and foolish, she can't face Rachel quite yet. "I just…I want to go home. Can you just take me home?"  
  
Brittany rubs Quinn's back. "It has to be a mistake. Rachel wouldn't do that. Let's go in and talk to her."  
  
Quinn shakes her head. "I just want to go home."  
  
"I want to see this bitch," Santana declares.  
  
"San--"  
  
"I'll just look, I promise. I want to see what kind of girl the munchkin would cheat on  _you_  for."  
  
Santana and Brittany peek into the restaurant and then step out  
.  
"Well, fuck. She really has a type," Santana comments.  
  
That makes Quinn want to burst into tears.   
  
"She looks like Buffy," Brittany says quietly. She winces. "Maybe you're right, Quinn. They were holding hands and then Buffy kissed Rachel--on the forehead," she adds hastily when she sees Quinn's face fall. But to Brittany's eyes, Rachel and that Buffy lookalike really looked familiar with one another.   
  
Quinn's face trembles and her resolve breaks. She's sobbing as Brittany and Santana lead her to Santana's car.   
  
\--  
Santana drives her home and she and Brittany follow Quinn up to her apartment. Quinn tells them everything-- how distant Rachel's seems lately, the total lack of communication and about seeing Rachel practically climb on that Buffy girl a few days ago, and the way Rachel told her not to come over.   
  
"Fuck," Santana says. "She  _is_  cheating."  
  
"I can't believe she would do this to me!" Quinn cries.   
  
"Well, did you guys say you wouldn't have sex with other people?" Brittany asks.  
  
Quinn sniffles. "No. I guess I just assumed. I know we haven't been dating that long, but I thought it was getting serious. She's the only person  _I've_  been with since we got together. And I thought…I thought I was the only person she was interested in. She really made it seem like that." Quinn's eyes well up. "God, I can't believe this!" she wails. "No wonder she was blowing me off lately!"  
  
"Fuck," Santana curses. "I thought she was cool. Sorry, Q."  
  
Quinn knows Santana is completely outraged on her behalf, because in any other circumstance, Santana would have made a sexual joke about the phrase 'blowing me off.'  
  
"It just doesn't seem like her!" Quinn wipes at her eyes. "But I was thinking…she  _is_  an actress and actresses are professional liars. What if she's just playing with me? What if she's been playing me the whole time?"  
  
"I don't know, Q," Santana says. "But what I do know is, if I thought some dumb bitch I was dating was cheating on me, I'd grab the next hot piece of ass that walked by me and bang it like a drum. You won't see me mooning over some bitch!"  
  
"Oh  _really_?" Brittany asks, raising an eyebrow.   
  
"Haha," Santana laughs nervously. "Theoretically," she adds. "In theory.  _Hypothetical_  theory. And I know you'd never cheat on me, Brit."  
  
"Uh-huh," Brittany says wryly. "Thanks, San."  
  
"That  _bitch_ ," Quinn cries, wiping at her eyes. "That fucking bitch," she says hoarsely. She's never cried this much over another person. She knew things with Rachel were too good to be true. She knew there was no way Rachel actually cared about her.   
  
"Okay," Santana says. "Fuck this. Q, go fix your make-up and put on something hot. We'll go into WeHo and get you hooked up."  
  
"But we have to find somewhere that's a girls' night," Brittany points out mildly. "It's mostly for guys there."  
  
"Fuck it. Q's hot. We'll find something. Quinn, suck it up and stop crying. No one is worth you crying this much over them, especially not some midget hooker cheater. We're getting you  _laid_  and then you're going to  _dump_  that cheating dwarf and forget about her."  
  
Quinn eyes clamp shut and she wipes her arm across her eyes. It's not even so much that Rachel slept with someone else-- it's knowing she's not enough for Rachel. A part of her always suspected she wouldn't be, but to have proof shoved in her face is painful. And having Rachel conceal that from her--  _lie_  to her makes her feel lower than shit.  
  
"I'm not going," Quinn says hoarsely. "Just leave me alone. Go home, guys."  
  
Santana shakes her head. "No way," she says, gripping Quinn by the arm and shoving her in direction of the bathroom. "I'm not dealing with another Fabray depression shame spiral. Once you start being a hermit, you're going to make a stop into crazy town and then onto mumu village. I am not taking any phone calls from you at 3 am while I'm trying to get my mack on with my girl and I am  _not_  going to let you be some poster child for gastric bypass. And I'm certainly not going to tolerate all your emotional eating. People judge me by my friends, you know, and all my friends have to be  _hot_. You clean yourself up and we're taking you  _out_. No wallowing!"  
  
Quinn knows it's pointless to protest. Quinn feels terrible as she gets ready, but once she finishes getting dressed and putting on her make-up, she's left feeling cold. She's cried enough in her lifetime and she doesn't plan on crying more. She  _thought_  she found someone good-- someone who would be gentle with her admittedly fragile heart and still tolerate her admittedly tough exterior. But Rachel  _lied_  to her.  
  
Quinn is  _not_  going to get treated this way. She  _refuses_. She's already been treated like shit enough in her life, she's not going to be treated this way by someone who purports to love her.   
  
Quinn clenches her fist. 'Fuck you, Rachel Berry,' she thinks. 'You aren't the only person people want. Who do you think you are? You can’t treat me this way.'  
  
Quinn stares into the mirror and practices smiling, the way she did in high school. She makes sure it's aesthetically perfect, the way she used to train herself to do when she didn't really feel like smiling. She curses softly when she sees her smile falter.   
  
She looks five seconds away from bursting into tears, but then she steels herself, looks in the mirror and gives the perfect smile. She could be on the cover of a magazine.   
\--  
  
They find a bar packed with women and flash their fake IDs. Quinn's never been more grateful for Santana's criminal proclivities. They get inside and Quinn is barely there fifteen minutes when a girl offers to buy her a drink.   
  
The girl is petite with dark hair and brown eyes. She looks a little like Rachel, and so Quinn accepts.  
  
\--  
  
The girl's name is Monica and Quinn doesn't hook up with her that night, but she does get Monica's phone number and arranges for a date the next evening.  
  
\--  
  
Brittany and Santana come over the late next afternoon and help her get ready for her date.  
  
"Your mission tonight is to get laid, Fabray," Santana tells her sternly.   
  
Quinn nods grimly.  
  
"Get that hobbit out of your mind," Santana tells her.  
  
"Right," Quinn says quietly.  
  
She's enraged, but she can't take it out on the object of her rage. She was awake all night plotting and she's created a laundry list of ways to get back at Rachel, and this is just the first one. She's decided between too many shots of vodka and too many boxes of Kleenex that Rachel's a lying  _bitch_  who's deceived her and Quinn wants to get her back. She's never been able to get back at any of the people who've hurt her-- not her father or any of the kids who used to make her life hell when she was growing up. She feels like she's finally due to a little vindication, especially against the person who's hurt her most.  
  
Quinn meets Monica for dinner and she can see from the expression on Monica's face that Monica is a sure thing.  
  
'Good,' Quinn thinks bitterly. The last thing Quinn wants to do is have sex with this girl, but she'll do it on principle.  
  
\--  
  
Brittany and Santana stop in at the grocery store on their way home from helping Quinn get ready for her date. It's a little somber because they both feel so bad for Quinn.   
  
Brittany reaches for Santana's hand as they walk inside the store. "I'd never do that to you, you know what, right? I think I was born for you."  
  
Santana gives her a soft smile. "I know, Brit," she assures. "I'd never do that to you, either."  
  
"I know, S."  
  
Santana is loading a couple bags of breadsticks into her cart, when she hears someone call her name. Santana turns and sees a petite brunette walking toward her. At first Santana thinks it's Rachel, but it's actually Rachel's little sister, Audrey, who's a freshman at UCSD. Santana wonders what she's doing in LA. Santana looks to Audrey's left and sees that blonde Rachel's cheating on Quinn with.  
  
"Hi! Santana!" Audrey says. "Do you remember me? Rachel's my sister."  
  
"Yeah. Audrey. How are you?" Santana says flatly.  
  
"Good," Audrey says. She points to the blonde. "This is my cousin, Anne. Anne, this is one of Rachel's friends, Santana."  
  
Santana's blood freezes. "Cousin? You guys are cousins?"  
  
"Yeah," Anne says. "You know, like my father and their dad are brothers? Cousins. As in, from the same family tree, it would be unlawful to marry and genetic disorders manifest in progeny from copulation and all that."  
  
Santana grins at her. "Nice to meet you," she says, relieved that Rachel isn’t cheating. But then it hits her--  _Quinn_  still thinks Rachel is a filthy cheater and Quinn is still on a date with some woman with the sole intent to sleep with her. 'Fuck,' Santana thinks. 'Fuck!'  
  
Santana looks around. "Uh, is Rachel here?"  
  
Audrey blinks. "No, of course not. She's at home. She's still recovering from her surgery."  
  
" _Surgery_?" Santana's voice actually squeaks. It's  _never_  squeaked. She's not a teenage boy, after all.   
  
Anne looks at Santana. "Are you part parrot?"  
  
Santana wants to kill her, but she refrains because Brittany arrives back at her side and puts cupcakes into the cart.   
  
"Brit," Santana says. "You remember Audrey, right? Rachel's kid sister? This is Anne, their cousin."  
  
"Cousin?" Brittany repeats. "Cousin?" she says again.  
  
"Seriously," Anne says. "Are you guys part parrot?"  
  
Brittany excuses herself and Santana can see Brittany holding her phone to her ear. Santana knows that Brittany is calling Quinn.  
  
"What's Rachel having surgery for? She didn't say anything," Santana says.  
  
"Oh," Audrey says. "Her tonsils. She finally had them out this morning. She really should have had them out a long time ago, but she was freaked out about what it would do to her voice if she got them out. But it finally got too bad this time and she didn't have a choice. I came up to keep her company because our mom and dads couldn't come out." Audrey links her arm with Anne. "And Anne came to hang out, too!" Audrey smiles toothily at them, completely oblivious to the mounting hysteria that Santana and Brittany eye each other with.   
  
Santana looks at the basket Audrey's holding and it's filled with vegan ice cream, popsicles, pudding, juice and ice-- all things Santana knows that people who've had their tonsils out can have.   
  
"How is she doing?" Santana asked quietly.   
  
Audrey waves her hand dismissively. "She'll be fine. She's just being a big baby. She's been depressed for a month about it. The last two weeks have been the  _worst_ \-- she keeps boo-hooing about it. She can’t get a sore throat without boo-hooing about it, so maybe she'll finally stop now. "  
  
"Tell her we hope she feels better," Santana said quietly, wondering how the fuck they were going to get Quinn out of this mess. "And we'll drop by tomorrow."  
  
Audrey shook her head. "She's not at her best right now, maybe come over in a few days?"  
  
Santana nods. "Sure," she says. "Uh, Brit and I need to go. We'll see you around," Santana says. "Tell her…" Santana swallows hard. "Tell her we hope she feels better."  
  
She rushes off and pulls out her phone. It's clear from Brittany's agitated state that she hasn't been able to reach Quinn yet. Santana fires off a quick text.  
  
 _DON'T FUCK HER, FABRAY_  
  
When that one gets no response, Santana sends another one.  
  
 _STOP_  
  
Still no response.   
  
Santana eyes Brittany and they both grit their teeth in frustration.  
  
 _ABORT ABORT, BUFFY ISN'T A SKANK, BUFFY IS A BERRY COUSIN. THEY AREN’T FUCKING, THEY'RE FUCKING RELATED._  
  
"This is so bad," Brittany whispers.  
  
"I know, Brit," Santana says.   
  
Quinn still hasn't responded by the time they leave the grocery store. They sit in the car for a while as Brittany keeps trying to call Quinn and Santana bombards Quinn with texts. But still no response.   
  
Brittany continues to call and text Quinn as Santana drives them home, but still no response. Santana wishes she knew where Quinn and Monica were going on their date or where Monica lives so she could stop Quinn. But she has no idea. Santana punches the steering wheel in frustration. "Fuck!"  
  
"I feel so bad," Brittany says sadly. "This is so bad."  
  
"We did the most we could," Santana says, trying to comfort Brittany. But she feels terrible.   
  
"Fuck," Brittany declares.  
  
"I know."  
  
"This is so bad, San."  
  
"I know," Santana says quietly. She clenches her fist and sends Quinn another text. 'Fuck, Quinn. Answer me!' she thinks.   
  
This is so bad.   
  
She wonders to herself if she would assume the worst about Brittany if misleading 'evidence' got shoved in her face, and she admits to herself, she wouldn't. Short of actually seeing Brittany copulating with someone else, she trusts her girl completely. She doesn't know why she never thought to advise Quinn to dig a little deeper. It's just that she didn't want her friend to get hurt even more, but now Quinn is  _fucked_ \-- and in the bad way.   
  
\--  
  
They get back to their apartment and put their food away.  
  
They're watching a movie together when Quinn shows up at their apartment a few hours later, in tears. It's not the desperate, messy crying like the night before in front of Pomodoro when they saw Rachel and her cousin and assumed the worst. But Quinn looks much more hopeless, her face is red and her nose is running, but she's not actively crying, though her eyes are watery.  
  
"She's really her cousin?" Quinn asks, her voice cracking, without bothering with a greeting  
  
Brittany reaches to hug her, but Quinn puts her hands up, palms facing outward to ward Brittany off.   
  
"She's really her cousin?" Quinn repeats, her voice cracking again.  
  
Santana swallows hard. "Yeah, Q."  
  
Quinn's resolve shatters and she immediately breaks into tears. Brittany pulls Quinn inside and leads her to the couch while Santana shuts the door.   
  
"It's too late," Quinn whispers. "I fucked it all up. I slept with someone else."  
  
Santana exchanges a look with Brittany. 'Fuck,' they mouth at each other. 


End file.
